My boss was on a power trip and had very little management experience. She had it out for me, in part because of the same situation you described: she didn’t want to hire me but her superior did. I did not like her from day one, and if I had been told she would be my boss I would have turned down the offer but I was forced into immediate working because of poverty and nobody there to pick up the slack: basically I was starving and had no family members to crash on.

The next 13 months wore on me like nothing in my life. It was a constant shell game with her, always bullying and changing the rules to fix me. Because of her, I was treated poorly by everybody else in the office. She was a smoker and I wasn’t. Everybody else smoked as well in my department. The clique aspect was also obvious. She also did not train me at all, and she pulled the same game of leaving me with no work to do and putting impossible tasks on me. Everything was used against me on that job, and despite every effort to do a good job (including working long hours) it was to no avail. There was also obvious discrimination against me on two fronts, but they had covered their bases to the point that it would be difficult to prove. I don’t feel like I can ever trust anyone again as well.

Now I have no career and am also very bitter. I have never hated anyone this much in my life and I can’t get over it until she gets hers. Nobody deserves to be treated this way, but what is obvious is that the system is ALL politics where it’s all who you know and bent to make sure that entry-level workers are shut out or expelled from a career unless they are connected.

Experience doesn’t grow on trees, and the abuse and treachery I dealt with has left me near homeless and barely surviving on unemployment that keeps being extended. I would have been homeless if my dad hadn’t taken me in for the time. I’m trying some things to hopefully make money soon, but it is difficult when I have no freedom and my parents unrealistic expectations that I will find a job again.

I truly enjoyed reading all of the very insightful comments and I felt as someone who is just a common Joe but has had a truly uncommon Career I would like to add just a few observations that have helped me have a very successful and long lasting career. (That is still going strong after all of 34 years and I still love what I do.)

My observations are as follows.

1. I do not believe in being a Boss nor necessarily a Friend either. (Sorry Steve being a Friend is important but not necessarily in first place.

2. I believe as the orginal person who posted this article that employees should never be left in a position that the individuals in the Television Series where left where they are trying to guess what is expected of them by the person who should be directing them.

3. I don’t believe in Bosses but I do believe in “Leaders”. I have told my working reports for 30 years that the day I have to become your Boss is the day that I will be there to fire you.”Leaders” set examples which others can easily follow. A leader would have simply made a decision and if concerned about feelings (which I believe a Leader should be.) I would talk to the persons involved and explain the reasons for my decisions. I have found this eliminates speculation which is always dreadfully worse than the truth and people deal well with the facts when they are explained to them.

In my experience, Bosses tell others to do things they don’t wish to do themselves and they feel that they are above ever having to explain their decisions and never need to say they are sorry or they could have handled a situation better than they may have on the 1st time around.

I am often rebuked today by Executives who tell me I should never have to explain myself to my employees however this I do not believe, but rather the exact opposite.

When I act as Leader and lead by my example, I may find in the very early stages I may need to invest a little time explaining the decisions that I make. However if I am a good leader and do what I say i will do, very soon my employees (who often do become friends) respect me enough by my actions that I never have to explain myself to them because we have established the most important part of any working relationship called “Trust”.

So my advice is get rid of the term “Boss” but rather “lead” by the work you do and the “Decisions you make when nobody other than you will make a decision.

Boss make excuses and Leaders make decisions and lead by example.

1. Work how you would like others to work and as a Leader set the pace.
2. Make decisions by your example so others have no doubts about what they should do when encountered with a similar situation.
3. Treat everyone the way you would wish to be treated.
4. Recognize that the greatest Leaders in the History of mankind have always first been the greatest servants of their fellowman.
5. When in doubt or you feel someone’s feelings have been injured. Unlike Jethro Gibbs on NCIS saying a sincere apology is never a sign of weakness but rather it demonstrates the depth of strength possessed by the Greatest Leaders.
6. Leaders Lead from the front Bosses push from behind and lack the ability to guide the outcome of the efforts that are expended, while a leader pulls and aaides every effort to the exact place for maximum effect and leaves every member of his team a winner.

I once heard that Bosses are much like a dirty diaper. “Always on your Butt and always full of Crap.”

The End.

Working for small family-run companies my whole life has been great. I was given the chance to be in management when I was in my mid-twenties but I didn’t have the life skills to make it work–I let the employees run roughshod over me.

Now, I’m in my late thirties and have been made the manager over about twenty people. Before I received the title, I was the unofficial manager. The late night phone calls when things went wrong came to me, not to the owners. Training the new employees was my responsibility, not because it was expected of me but because I wanted the new people to be trained correctly.

Being the official manager has changed things in a small degree. I’ve learned that I can fire someone and still be able to sleep at night. I’ve learned that tears on an employee’s face when she’s denying some wrongdoing doesn’t mean that she’s innocent. And, I’ve learned that the employees that show up to work and do their jobs well in spite of what may be happening in their personal life are the most valuable employees I could ever ask for.

The funny part of this message is that it may seem like I’m cold-hearted and merciless but I am the exact opposite. My employees know that I care about them and that I will do the best I can to make their lives better as long as they extend the favor back to me. This is a side effect of working in a small tight-knit company.

I have had experience as a union representative negotiator (with a prior employer) dealing with the VP level management. This experience showed me that a lot more goes on between the upper and middle management levels that most employees do not realize. Oftentimes, speaking with your direct supervisor asking them if they need help or explaining where you are coming from helps diffuse many situations.

However, if you have an abusive boss or co-workers, address the issue immediately and find a healthy avenue to get out of the situation. Either address it with human resources to ask for assistance along with a transfer to another department or if the problems are symptomatic of a company-wide culture of negativity search for a new job. However, just as with any abusive relationship, the victim must get out immediately! Abusive, toxic work environments cause undue stress that in turn result in harmful physical, mental, and emotional ailments. As for the last place of employment, both my doctor and the doctor of my second to last boss advised each of us to leave the employer for our health. Also, human resources departments need to take these issues seriously. Employee turnover costs the employer time and money for recruitment, training, benefits changes, decreased employee morale and productivity, increased health care, etc.