Learning From Rejection: The Questions to Ask When You Don’t Get The Job
By Kaitlin Madden on May 28, 2010 in Career Advice, Featured, Interviews
When you got cut from your high school chess team, you asked your mom if you could transfer schools.
When you thought that you and that awesome guy were more than just friends — and thought wrong, you spent the next three days in your pajamas.
When you went on an awesome interview, but the job went to another candidate, you vowed to learn the pots and pans and spend the rest of your life as a street performer.
We’ve all been there.
Rejection is just one of those things that, no matter how many times it happens in life, it never gets any easier. However, it doesn’t always have to result in self-loathing and days spent moping around in your pjs. In fact, John Kador, author of “301 Best Questions to Ask on Your Interview,” dedicates an entire chapter of his book to rejection, and how it can actually have a positive effect on your job search — if you take advantage of it by finding out why you didn’t get the job.
True, it may seem like adding salt to your wound to reach out to the refusing employer and ask “What’s so wrong with me?” However, doing so can also be one of the most rewarding ways to handle a rejection, since any constructive feedback you receive can be applied to your future job search.
Also true, is that positively handling rejection is a lot easier said than done, so below are the top tips for following up with a company that has turned you down, adapted from Kador’s “301 Best Questions to Ask On Your Interview.”
1. Figure out where the recruiter was coming from
Sometimes, you will have a hunch as to why you were rejected. Maybe you were under- qualified, or maybe you set your salary expectations too high. But on those occasions where you were completely blindsided by the rejection, understanding it will take some further investigation.
Usually, this involves contacting the recruiter. Start by sending a simple note. Something like:
“Thank you again for interviewing me. I understand your decision to go with another candidate and I accept your decision. I’d appreciate any feedback you can give me.”
Sometimes, this will be enough to get you a constructive dose of honesty. However, HR departments are often apprehensive to give straightforward feedback these days, due to a fear of lawsuits. But, that doesn’t mean you should just accept their generic response saying “You were great, but the other candidate was better.”
2. Cut to the point
To increase your odds of getting true, useful criticism, take your query one step further, by following up with something along the lines of:
“I need to improve my interviewing skills and I’m asking for your help. I am asking you to be honest about my performance and what I could have done better. If you do, I will make you three promises. First, I promise I will not interrupt you. Second, I promise I will not defend myself. Third, I promise I will not contact you or your company for a year. Will you help me?”
This approach lets the HR rep know that you have no interest in hounding them or pleading your case, and are genuinely interested in honest feedback. It should also help ease the recruiter’s fear of getting in trouble.
When using this approach, though, be ready to keep your promises or risk putting your reputation with the company — and possibly the industry — on the line.
3. Be gracious
If directly asking the recruiter for interview feedback still seems too intimidating, at least send a thank-you note. Many interviewees discontinue professional niceties when they don’t get the job, but genuinely thanking the interviewer for their time makes a good final impression. If possible, prove your gratitude by:
- Recommending another good candidate for the position
- Offering a sales lead
- Including a link to an article, website or job-board you think the recruiter would find useful
- Asking if there is anything else you can do for the recruiter or the company
Simple gestures like the ones above will make you stand out to the recruiter, who will be more apt to keep you in mind for future jobs at the company.
Hopefully, you won’t face too much (if any) rejection during your job search, but if you do, the above guidelines will help turn a negative response into a learning experience. Be sure to personalize these steps based on your individual interview situation and what you feel comfortable with. If you don’t think you can handle hearing a less-than-glowing review from a recruiter without interrupting, you may want to skip step No. 2. For more suggestions on what to ask before, during and after an interview, check out “301 Best Questions to Ask on Your Interview.”
Mike Wells | May 30, 2010
I was laid off from a job in the defense industry so an Army officer could give my job to a friend of theirs. Is this legal ?
Albert Kemoh | May 30, 2010
How much is this book?
David Stillwagon | May 30, 2010
You have to have a pretty thick skin to ask an interviewer what they didn’t like about you. Of course most would probably tell you in a constructive fashion
Professional Job Seeker | Jun 1, 2010
You’ve got to be kidding. Recruiters don’t tell the nine out of ten candidates they are not selected, so why will they respond to phone or email follow-up regarding these same questions, with promises?
Believe me, I’ve tried and failed to get this feedback 95% of the time.
Professional Job Seeker
HR April | Jun 1, 2010
While this advice seems to be good, The one flaw is that most HR representatives will not give you any feedback. Our litigious society has made that a can of worms that are just too dangerous for a company to open. If you really want good, honest feedback, get a friend who does interviews or is in HR and go through mock interviews. This way you can get some sincere feedback instead of just a no thank you.
hoping for a good answer | Jun 22, 2010
I applied for a job where a former co-worker was currently working. Once she figured out who I was the totally defamed my character in earshot while I was waiting on a face to face interview. I can prove the statements she made were false however my interview was very short and I have not been able to get a follow-up phone call. The thing that bothers me the most was prior to the face to face interview the hiring manager thought enough of my resume to call me at home while she was on vacation and stated that during the face to face portion of the interview we would discuss which position I wanted with the company. How do I address the potential employer and that particular employee so it does not happen again?
Mike | Jun 22, 2010
I seriously doubt the author of this article has had any problem getting a job, ive been unemployed for almost two years and like you guys and gals suggested this article may sound inviting, but the reality is employers wont tell you nothing about why you dont get the job. Ive asked numerous times and they either dont repsond at all or just say whatever comes to mind first like someone else was more qualified. that tells me lots. lol
Sharon Hente | Jun 22, 2010
Try being a 62 year women who was laid off in 2005 for major company, worked a sundry of jobs
in retail & real estate even grocery. How do I get someones attention to notice my credentials. I am not looking for the same job Ihad 5 years ago. thanks
Dawn Crooks | Jun 22, 2010
What color is the sky on their planet? Most HR departments at companies I’ve worked for will only give dates of employment…period. As far as recruiters go, you are lucky if they even bother to call to tell you the job you were submitted for is no longer available. This nicey-nicey approach doesn’t work and in the dog eat dog world goes about as far as you can spit. Don’t waste your time.
patty | Jun 22, 2010
@ Sharon. If you are having difficulty finding a full-time job, you might try to begin a consulting firm of your own. I don’t know what your field is, but I do know that some people have done well starting their own business doing contract work. LinkedIn has supportive groups and forums that address this.
I was recently part of a hiring search. We went through hundreds of resumes and got down to about a dozen candidates for first interviews.
Many people got sorted out early on for very basic things: not submitting a cover letter when one was requested, not meeting the experience requirement, addressing the letter to the wrong company… (be VERY careful if you are applying for multiple jobs at once.)
I totally agree with HR April. Practice interviews!!!! We interviewed some people who were great on paper but interviewed very poorly.
My two cents:
If you are not sure where the interview will be, do a practice run beforehand so that you are not late.
Be polite–to everyone from the admin who sets up the interview to the guy sweeping the stairs outside.
Prepare for every question that might come your way beforehand. When asked in the interview, stop, think and then answer. Use the answer to show that you are qualified and a good fit and that you have done homework and thought about the job. Do not — do not–ramble on. Silence is not the enemy.
Do homework on the job and on the company. Note the vocabulary of their world and give it back to them. Bother to read up on strategic initiatives, etc.
If you keep getting interviews but not jobs, get help with interviewing skills.
Hope this is helpful! Just my opinions.
DA | Jun 23, 2010
Not legal. If you think you can prove it hire a lawyer. Be aware of tactics like changing the job title for the new guy, even if he does exactly the same thing that you did.
Frank | Jun 23, 2010
It,s pretty much over for this country.
Two wars…none of which will be victorious.
Jobs …outsourced….no manafacturing base.
Dawn…you got it right.
Get the fork out we’re done.
Mary Young | Jun 23, 2010
Good Luck. It seems that experience does not make it. I too in 2005, due to downsizing lost my job. It was a Regional Director position. I am still trying to re-enter that field…over qualified and age have been quite the road block.
Laura Jane W. | Jun 23, 2010
How many search committees does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don’t mean to be cynical but I have been on at least a dozen (full day) interviews that ended up with the organization not hiring anyone. Then a few weeks or months later, the organization reopens the search.
Some of these organizations do not even have the courtesy of letting you know by telephone or letter. I have received a few email rejections where you cannot even reply.
There is just a culture of “bad manners” these days. Highly qualified, successful, experienced and credentialed people spend long hours in preparing for and sometimes traveling to a day long interview. It’s just not fair.
Unemployed | Jun 23, 2010
I’ve been unemployed for almost 7 months now, and I still haven’t found a job. I have applied for countless jobs, but I can’t even get a courtesy email or phone call telling me that they’ve chosen another candidate. I keep hearing that I’m either over-qualified or that I don’t have enough experience in my field. Two questions: First, how am I over-qualified for a position? If I can do the job, give me the job and let me work! Second, if I don’t have enough expeirence in my field, how am I supposed to get experience in my field if a company won’t hire me and allow me to get said experience? I have a bachelor’s in computer science. Obviously, it can’t be that difficult for me to learn.
Susan | Jun 28, 2010
Over-qualified! I’ve run into that also. I can tell if I am overqualified for a job, but if I am interested and willing to take the job and do it…why exclude me on that basis? Especially when you want to work for a particular company. And there is always something to learn in a new position, even if you are overqualified….frustrating as hell.
DLB | Jun 29, 2010
Over qualified…the reason most employers won’t hire an “over qualified” individual is because they don’t want to waste time training and individual for the job to have them give their notice as soon as something”better” comes along- that is more related to their particular field or previous income level, they also view over qualified applicants as someone who will not be happy in that position based on your previous employment histories, education and income levels. So they are content to hire someone with lesser qualifications knowing they may very well be “content” with the position for several months/years.
melissa | Jun 29, 2010
Sage advice! Especially the content regarding feedback from the interviewer! It is candid yet gracious.
There is wisdom that rejection can be the proverbial “lining in the silver cloud.” I speak as someone who was once laid off from a position after many years and received no advance notice.
Will look up the book.
Eileen | Aug 2, 2010
It’s only human nature to become so cynical after so many rejections and no luck in the job market. I thought I would never be unemployed for almost a year. I prepared myself well by graduating with a college degree and having drive and determination to climb the corporate ladder in my career. I put in 110% in resumes and cover letters. When I do get interviews, I study the company and most importantly myself. I reflect on my personal goals, strengths, weaknesses and past experience. I’ve tried different strategies for interviews; the silence is golden rule, direct approach to JUST simply answering the question, and adding more benefits to a statement and NOTHING. I think the next interview I go into I WILL take a recording device to hear myself.
The bottom line is, I have tried different things and it is frustrating when you cannot seem to get it right. When you have been unemployed for months, and you are limited on cash, emotions start to surface and that is where you start to doubt yourself. You start to doubt yourself and wonder if you should have said more, less or nothing at all. -A confident person can become a bad interview. This has been a long journey for many, I continue to try different things and I am exhausted. However, I am not depleted. We are living in a day where perseverance is everything. I am not alone. I do not wish this upon no one. Good luck everyone and hang in there.
Pro-Merchandiser | Aug 10, 2010
I couldn’t agree with all of you any more. I’ve been looking for a job in retail in my area for the last six months and I too have been hearing this “over-qualified” excuse. I did buy this book and several others similar to it and followed the advice; I ran through dozens of mock interviews with professional HR personnel I know, asked family and friends to give me personality feedback and critique my professional look. I have at least 10 versions of my resume and cover letter I can customize to fit the job I am applying for…I Google my directions and locate the building before hand and I make sure to arrive at least 10 minutes early and check-in because they say to show initiative and punctuality at the interview for a “great first impression.”
The trouble is, companies do not want to waste the time training someone who already has any experience. They want someone who will learn what they want them to do without any fear of thinking, eventhough they put that as a requirement for applicants.
I tried the “Thank You Note” and follow-up call or email…I was able to get one response; the woman begrudgingly admitted that it was my assumed salary expectation that lost me the job. When I asked her what the starting field compensation was in the Q & A at the end of our initial interview, she dodged it by telling me that it would be discussed if I was offered the position. When I talked to her later, she told me that she felt that my salary expectation for my experience exceeded the designated wage. I made it a point to find out the wage…$16.00 an hour USD…that’s $1.50 more than I made at the time and I told her so! She was baffled and truly embarrassed.
There are also these niggling litle things that I’ve started to notice about job postings as well. They will say that a “qualified” or “well-qualified” candidate will have experience or connections within the industry they are applying too. One company I recently applied too, a fashion retailer, actually insisted that the PART-TIME SALES ASSOCIATE have connections in the fashion industry that could be contacted! It’s really bad if a company has to put that sort of loop-hole in their posting.
Interviewers want a qualified candidate who takes initiative, has a customer service orientated personality, can motivate and develop a team, has a mind for business numbers and has some experience in the field…well, at least that’s what they say in their job postings. The reality is far removed from what’s posted.