Yet — as annoying and superficial as butt-kissing may seem — there may be a thing or two to be learned from the office politico. For instance, it never hurts to get to know the people in your office who can help you advance your career. And we’re not talking about the CEO. There are a lot of people at work — outside the small group of people you interact with on a daily basis — who can make your job a lot easier if you’re on their good side.

Now, just so we’re clear, we don’t mean that you should spend your day throwing around empty compliments and hobnobbing your way around the office. We just mean that it’s important to develop relationships with people at work outside of those in your department. You may be surprised by how much smoother your day goes once you start making the effort to remember the name of the receptionist, or striking up conversations with colleagues you don’t know in the elevator.

Specifically, you might want to try cozying up to these five colleagues:

1. The guy who has been there the longest

You know the one. He’s like the unofficial mayor of your company. He remembers when the CEO was an intern. Whether he takes out the trash or is the vice president of human resources, chances are he knows the company inside and out; making him the go-to guy for information about whether your proposed re-branding will violate the company’s core values, how long it takes to get a raise, and whether the company is more likely to promote from within or fill open spots with outsiders.

2. The receptionist

The receptionist is the company gatekeeper. She knows who habitually strolls in late, who burns the midnight oil and who has the most client appointments coming in. Need someone to cover for you when you sneak out of the office for a coffee break? She’s your girl.

Additionally, receptionists often have job responsibilities like ordering catering services for business lunches and managing conference room schedules. Just scheduled a last-minute meeting? The receptionist will be more likely to rearrange conference room schedules or tell you whose office you can borrow in a pinch if you’re on her good side.

3. The mail room guy

Don’t ignore the mail room guy. He’s another person who holds the key to making your day run smoother. For example: When you order 10 boxes of new sales brochures, having an in with the mail clerk may mean who he’ll deliver those boxes up to your desk, instead of making you walk back and forth between the mail room and your desk 10 times to bring them up there yourself.

Besides being the office postmaster, the mail room guy often manages the ordering and distribution of office supplies. So if your computer monitor is from 1998 or you’re using an abacus instead of a calculator, he’s probably the guy who can get you an upgrade.

4. Your boss’s boss

While it’s great to establish a connection with your boss, it’s even better to have one with her boss.

Why? Networking with the higher-ups is a great way to learn about your potential career path and gain valuable insight and guidance. In ten years, you could have the job that your grand-boss (get it? Your boss’s boss?) has. Learning more about it can help you develop the skills you need to one day reach that role — or it may make you re-evaluate your long-term career goals. Look at your boss’s boss as a mentor of sorts — someone to pay attention to and learn from.

5. The intern

As someone who had multiple internships in college, trust me on this one. I once had an internship where I reported to nine different people, and they all happily passed along their grunt work. If there was no clear priority as to whose work had to be done first, I chose by who I liked the most. I’d go out of my way to help the sales rep who took all the interns to lunch on their birthdays, while I’d push requests from the event coordinator with a short temper to the bottom of the pile.  Treat the interns well, and you may see a vast improvement in the quality and timeliness of the work they produce.

For more info on getting ahead at work, check out these posts:

Can You Disagree With Your Boss and Not Lose Your Job?

How You Can Become a Better Negotiator

Putting Your Foot in Your Mouth at Work

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The textbook correct way to handle this information is to keep it to yourself. If what you found out about is that a partner at the firm is pregnant or that Greg has a crush on Janine, then, yes. You’d be hard pressed to categorize spreading that information around as anything other than gossiping.

However, what happens if you come across information that involves the company or your colleagues? An impending merger? Restructuring? These are major events that affect how your workplace functions. As juicy as this news is, the company will address it sooner or later, and you probably don’t have all the behind-the-scenes details that went on.

However, what do you do if you find out that a colleague is going to be laid off or fired? You might not have all the details in this situation, but you know that someone is about to lose his or her job. Would you ever take it upon yourself to break the news to the affected party? Before you decide what to do, let’s look at both sides of the situation.

Why you might want to say something

• The personal connection
  Being laid off or fired is a devastating moment for most workers. The ability to pay the bills and survive comes from getting a paycheck. You can view telling the person, especially if he or she is a close friend, your way of making the news less cold and sterile. For a boss, the decision to downsize might be purely business; for a co-worker, it’s personal.

• The shock value
  If you’ve ever been fired or seen someone shortly after receiving the news, the shock is visible. A stunned expression tells you the person is still trying to process it. Tipping him or her off gives time to get used to the idea before the boss breaks the news. That way, the fired party is in a state of mind to ask the right questions and understand what is going on.

• Planning time
  Taking the previous two points into account, you can understand why adequate planning time is good before having to leave a job. Getting personal issues in order (belongings, incomplete projects, benefits, insurance) takes some preparation. If the soon-to-be-fired employee is about to buy a car or book a vacation, finding out could save them some much-needed cash.

Why you might want to keep your mouth closed

• Your information could be wrong
  Let’s face it: Until the boss actually says, “We have to let you go,” nothing is official. Between the time you hear the news and the time you tell the person, the situation could have changed. Now you’re left looking like a liar and the person goes to work each day wondering if that will be the last day in the office.

• You don’t know how the person will react
  Companies usually have a set of guidelines in place for terminating an employee. They might have HR deliver the news. They might have HR or security present in case the person reacts negatively. You don’t know how a person will take the news and you’re not equipped to handle the situation. The person could even overreact and storm into the boss’ office, quitting before she can be fired. That outcome could mean the company isn’t required to pay a severance package or honor any of the other perks that would be necessary with a layoff.

• You don’t know the whole story
  Although you want to believe the best about your co-workers, maybe he or she is getting let go because of poor performance, bad reviews or other behind-the-scenes matters that you’re not privy to. Or maybe they’re being let go for financial reasons, and it’s either you or him. If word gets out that you gossiped, then the boss might want to let you go instead of (or in addition to) the other person .

• You’re not the boss
  Ultimately, you’re not the person tasked with breaking the news. Maybe your colleague won’t find it easier to hear the news from your mouth. Perhaps it will be humiliating that a co-worker is the first to know about this bad news. You could be seen by your colleague as overstepping your boundaries and not as someone doing a favor.

• You could be putting yourself at risk
  If your company has a policy about handling confidential information or violating a worker’s rights – and you can safely assume almost every company does have these policies – you could be in trouble. Are you prepared to lose your job and have to tell future employers that you were fired for violating a privacy policy? It could have serious effects on your career.

The case against telling is longer than the case for letting your colleague in on the secret. The repercussions for your career are certainly greater if you do tell. However, we are talking about people you work with every day. You might consider them friends. You know what a layoff does to a person’s life. It affects more than just the 40 hours they’re on the clock each week.

So, tell us if you would ever consider telling someone that you knew a layoff or firing was coming. Do you think it’s ever justified or should you always mind your own business? Would you want a co-worker to tell you if you were on the receiving end of the pink slip?

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Well, as it turns out, effective communication is a surprisingly fickle beast. It’s also a highly underestimated business tool.  Done right, communication can make you seem authoritative and professional; done wrong, you risk seeming unreliable, insecure or impersonal.

“Your communication skills are not only essential to your being understood, but they contribute to the overall impression you make,” says  Sandra Naiman, author of “The High Achiever’s Secret Codebook: The Unwritten Rules for Success at Work.” “If you are lacking in this area, others might conclude that you are generally careless, less than competent and perhaps not as intelligent or crisp as your peers.”

So how do you ensure that your communication skills are effective in creating a positive, authoritative, well-understood message? Below, Naiman offers five common communication barriers, and how to overcome them.

Listening skills: “Having poor listening skills is a major contributor to poor communication,” she says. “It is important to carefully focus on what someone is saying without assuming their intent, interrupting or preparing your response.” Let the other person finish and be sure you’ve understood what they said before responding.

Scattering attention: “Attempting to multi-task while communicating will interfere with your ability to listen well and respond appropriately, as well as signaling that you are not interested in what the other person has to say. If you are busy or distracted, negotiate another time to talk.”

Poor grammar: “Typos, misspellings and poor grammar in written communications undermine your credibility,” she says. Don’t rely on spell check to catch all your mistakes. Proofread written communication for correct grammar, missed words, and proper spelling of website and company names.

Speaking clearly: “Lack of eye contact or other such body language can keep your words from being heard. Also talking too loudly or too softly can interfere with getting your message across.” To ensure you are understood, turn toward the person you are talking to, project your voice and don’t talk too fast.

Rambling: “[Going] on and on or providing more information than necessary can result in losing the attention of the listener,” Naiman says. You have a point — make it, and move on. Being direct and cutting to the chase when you’re speaking will not only make your message more clear, but you’ll be seen as more commanding, in a good way.

Because most of us communicate on auto pilot, it can be difficult to figure out which areas of communication we need to improve on. The best way to figure out if and where you’re experiencing communication barriers is to start paying attention to your daily conversations:

Do you constantly have to repeat yourself? Maybe you’re speaking too quickly or too softly.

Do co-workers start to look away or seem distracted when you speak? Chances are, you’re rambling, and they either stopped paying attention a while ago or are looking for a way out of the conversation.

Does it feel like you’re in the same conversation over and over again? Start listening to what others around you are saying, instead of talking, and then immediately starting to think about what you’ll say next. You’ll be surprised at how much more productive your conversations become when you take into account the other person’s point of view.

If you need a more objective approach to pinpointing your communication barriers, get feedback from a trusted colleague or friend. Ask them to pay extra attention to your e-mails and conversations, in order to identify any of the above listed problem areas. Then “You can take classes or workshops, identify a coach or a mentor and continue to get feedback as you work to improve,” Naiman says.

For more information on communicating at work, check out:

How Can You Become a Better Negotiator

What Can a Handshake Say About You

Mastering the Art of Follow Up

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Recently, President Obama relieved Gen. Stanley McChrystal of his job as commander of all U.S. and NATO forces in Afghanistan because of negative remarks he and his aides made about several officials in the Obama administration that were published in a Rolling Stone magazine article. The comments made were pretty clear that the general did not agree with many of the policies and decisions made about the war in Afghanistan.

McChrystal isn’t the first U.S. general to be sacked by a Commander-in-Chief. George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Harry Truman are among those who have done the same during wartime. In a statement, the president gave his reasons for the decision:

The conduct represented in the recently published article does not meet the standard that should be set by a commanding general. It undermines the civilian control of the military that is at the core of our democratic system. And it erodes the trust that’s necessary for our team to work together to achieve our objectives in Afghanistan.

While not everyone is going to be the subject of Rolling Stone feature, more and more people are airing grievances about their bosses to the public via FaceBook, Twitter and text … and getting in trouble for them. For every story you see in the newspaper about this issue, I bet there are many more that aren’t reported. Just this week, a friend told me she might have to let an employee go based on a FaceBook post.

So can you disagree with your boss without losing your job? Yes, but it’s how you do it that can make or break your employment.

Most importantly, you should address the issue directly with your boss in a respectful manner. Joseph Grenny, coauthor of “Crucial Confrontations,” gives some tips on how to do this.

1. Get your motives right. Sometimes we wait to bring up concerns until we’re irritated. This is ineffective because at that point our goal is no longer to be constructive, it’s to punish. Before opening your mouth, ask yourself, “What do I really want?”
 
2. Start with safety. Begin by clarifying your respect and your intent. Help your boss understand that your intent is to provide a different viewpoint you feel will help achieve your mutual goal.
 
3. Start with the facts. Once you’ve created safety, you start describing your concerns facts first. Don’t lead with your judgments or conclusions. Start by describing in non-judgmental and objective terms the behaviors that are creating problems.
 
4. Don’t pile on. As you lay out the facts, monitor safety. If your boss becomes defensive, pause for a moment and check in. Reassure them of your positive intentions and allow them to express any concerns they have.
 
5. Invite dialogue. Finally, having shared your concerns, encourage your boss to share their perspective. Invite dialogue. The result of your openness will be a greater openness on your boss’s part as well.

Have you ever been fired for something you said about the boss? Have you ever let anyone go because of something he said? Tell us.

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Whether you’re a recent grad or a career changer, there’s a common catch-22 that comes with embarking on a new occupation: You can’t get a job without experience, but you can’t get experience without a job.

 How many of us have said, “I’ve got the brains and the know-how, I just need the chance to prove it and start building my experience”? Today our guest blogger Wendy N. Powell, author of “Management Experience Acquired: Necessary Skills for Successfully Managing Any Employee” (Synergy Books, May 2010), tackles this nagging issue. Powell has spent more than 20 years of her career advising managers at the University of Michigan and is currently on the business faculty at Palm Beach State College and the University of Phoenix. Here’s her advice for this common conundrum:

When you need experience to get experience
By Wendy N. Powell, author of “Management Experience Acquired: Necessary Skills for Successfully Managing Any Employee”

One of the most common questions from job candidates is “How can I get experience when jobs require experience?” Overcoming this “career catch-22,” however, is within your reach; the key is preparation. Here are some tips to land a job without experience, whether you are a new grad or changing careers. 

1. Evaluate yourself
Are you truly ready to search for a job or do you need to spend time catching up on current work trends? Perform a critical and honest personal audit of your style and skills. Think about the type of employee you want to be and list the qualities that come to mind. This list will help you discover any issues that you need to work on prior to your pursuit of a job. Once you have addressed these issues, you will move ahead with your search with more confidence. To employers, confidence translates to readiness for the job. 

2. Stay current
The good news for new grads is that many hiring managers place considerable importance on current learning experiences. Because conditions change and techniques evolve, a recently conferred degree often holds more weight than a degree received years ago. If you have contemporary learning experiences that relate to what the company needs, explain what you have learned and how you can apply that knowledge to their company.

The bad news for career-changers is that earning a degree doesn’t mean you get to stop learning! Always read about the current issues in the profession(s) of your choice and have a plan in case your present career choice doesn’t work out. You might even consider taking classes at a local college to learn new methods and technologies. If you keep abreast of modern business practices in your desired field, you will be well-prepared to describe how your experiences will contribute to the success of an employer.

3. Do your homework
As you should do in any job hunt, research the company and identify the specific requirements for the position in which you are interested. Before you submit your résumé for a job, find out what the company does and how they do it. Once you understand this information, you will be better able to relate and apply your knowledge and experience from school or a different field of work to the needs of the company.

4. Find a role model
Choose someone whom you admire at work or school and ask that person for guidance in modeling your chosen professional behaviors. Most people will be pleased and willing to help, as imitation is flattery.  Emulate the employee you want to be and be ready to demonstrate these traits in searching for a job.

Use this experience as preparation to respond to behavioral questions in the interview process. Employers ask questions such as, “What would you do in these circumstances?” and “What have you done when this type of situation has happened in your workplace?” With prior consideration and the example set by your mentor, your responses will be well-practiced and sharp.

5. Donate your time
Yes, I am suggesting you work for free. No, I am not suggesting you quit school or your current job to do so. Plenty of companies, nonprofits in particular, are more than happy to accept the free labor of someone without copious amounts of related experience. Are you an accountant hoping to break into advertising? Volunteer a few evenings a week to put together a small campaign for a local charity. Unfortunately, new grads often don’t have an income to support them while they search for a job. Sometimes, it might be beneficial in the long run to take a position short of your dream job while you earn valuable experience in an internship or volunteer position.

Don’t forget, the selection process is a place for you to shine. Be ready to explain why you are the best candidate for the job, whether it is a career change or a new business endeavor. You may not have the job experience, but you can still demonstrate to the boss that you are ready to do the work. Be the job candidate the company can’t refuse to hire.

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Until now, one of the most frustrating parts about job searching has been the lack of insight into who you’re up against. For example, if you see a job that you think you’d be a great fit for, wouldn’t it be helpful to know if all the other applicants had their MBA, while you only hold a bachelor’s degree? Or if your current salary is 20 percent higher than most of the other applicants? Knowing such information might prompt you to skip over that job posting, and concentrate your efforts on something more aligned with your qualifications and goals. It would also help you determine your chances of landing an interview — easing that job application “Black Hole” that online job seekers seem to battle with on an ongoing basis.

Well frustrated job seekers, we give you hireINSIDER — a new CareerBuilder tool that will help you figure out just how you stack up to your job-hunting competition. hireINSIDER is a free tool launched just last week, which provides job-seekers with a real-time, detailed Job Competition Report, broken down into the following indicators:

• Current number of applicants for the job
• Level of education
• Years of experience
• Average current salaries
• Top college majors of applicants
• Top languages spoken
• Employment status
• How many applicants submitted a cover letter

Additionally, job applicants can also sign up for a free hiring status report for jobs they have applied to.  In exchange for sharing their own information about where they are in the hiring process, the report will tell the applicant how many other job-seekers were contacted by the employer for an interview, how many were not contacted and if a hiring decision was made.

For those who want an extra insight on what they’re up against, an additional report can be purchased, which further details information like fellow applicants’ years of management experience, number of direct reports, and recent employers and colleges attended.

Below are samples of some of the information you’ll get in a hireINSIDER report:

Number of applicants:

Employment status:

Education level:

Top college majors:

Top colleges/universities attended:

To access hireINSIDER and find out how you stack up against your fellow job seekers, go to CareerBuilder.com, and start submitting applications — hireINSIDER will automatically pop up after you apply for a job.

Will hireINSIDER improve your job search? Check it out and then let us know what you think in the comments section below.

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When you thought that you and that awesome guy were more than just friends — and thought wrong, you spent the next three days in your pajamas.

When you went on an awesome interview, but the job went to another candidate, you vowed to learn the pots and pans and spend the rest of your life as a street performer.

We’ve all been there.

Rejection is just one of those things that, no matter how many times it happens in life, it never gets any easier. However, it doesn’t always have to result in self-loathing and days spent moping around in your pjs. In fact, John Kador, author of “301 Best Questions to Ask on Your Interview,” dedicates an entire chapter of his book to  rejection, and how it can actually have a positive effect on your job search — if you take advantage of it by finding out why you didn’t get the job.

True, it may seem like adding salt to your wound to reach out to the refusing employer and ask “What’s so wrong with me?” However, doing so can also be one of the most rewarding ways to handle a rejection, since any constructive feedback you receive can be applied to your future job search.

Also true, is that positively handling rejection is a lot easier said than done, so below are the top tips for following up with a company that has turned you down, adapted from Kador’s “301 Best Questions to Ask On Your Interview.”

1. Figure out where the recruiter was coming from

Sometimes, you will have a hunch as to why you were rejected. Maybe you were under- qualified, or maybe you set your salary expectations too high. But on those occasions where you were completely blindsided by the rejection, understanding it will take some further investigation.

Usually, this involves contacting the recruiter. Start by sending a simple note. Something like:

“Thank you again for interviewing me. I understand your decision to go with another candidate and I accept your decision. I’d appreciate any feedback you can give me.” 

Sometimes, this will be enough to get you a constructive dose of honesty. However, HR departments are often apprehensive to give straightforward feedback these days, due to a fear of lawsuits. But, that doesn’t mean you should just accept their generic response saying “You were great, but the other candidate was better.”

2. Cut to the point

To increase your odds of getting true, useful criticism, take your query one step further, by following up with something along the lines of:

“I need to improve my interviewing skills and I’m asking for your help. I am asking you to be honest about my performance and what I could have done better. If you do, I will make you three promises. First, I promise I will not interrupt you. Second, I promise I will not defend myself. Third, I promise I will not contact you or your company for a year. Will you help me?”

This approach lets the HR rep know that you have no interest in hounding them or pleading your case, and are genuinely interested in honest feedback.  It should also help ease the recruiter’s fear of getting in trouble.

When using this approach, though, be ready to keep your promises or risk putting your reputation with the company — and possibly the industry — on the line.

3. Be gracious

If directly asking the recruiter for interview feedback still seems too intimidating, at least send a thank-you note. Many interviewees discontinue professional niceties when they don’t get the job, but genuinely thanking the interviewer for their time makes a good final impression. If possible, prove your gratitude by:

• Recommending another good candidate for the position
• Offering a sales lead
• Including a link to an article, website or job-board you think the recruiter would find useful
• Asking if there is anything else you can do for the recruiter or the company

Simple gestures like the ones above will make you stand out to the recruiter, who will be more apt to keep you in mind for future jobs at the company.

Hopefully, you won’t face too much (if any) rejection during your job search, but if you do, the above guidelines will help turn a negative response into a learning experience. Be sure to personalize these steps based on your individual interview situation and what you feel comfortable with.  If you don’t think you can handle hearing a less-than-glowing review from a recruiter without interrupting, you may want to skip step No. 2. For more suggestions on what to ask before, during and after an interview, check out “301 Best Questions to Ask on Your Interview.”

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Lady Gaga pretty much has it all: an unstoppable music career, a fashion sense that consistently makes headlines and a killer body to boot.  Apparently, though, there’s one thing she is missing in her life: an internship.

That’s right; at the top of the reigning music queen’s wish list is an internship with London milliner Philip Treacy.  The hat maker, known for his exotic, wild designs that Gaga often rocks on the red carpet, confirmed that he recently received the superstar’s résumé and application for his internship program. (No word on whether or not she’s gotten the  job.)

Lady Gaga wouldn’t be the first celebrity to take on an internship role despite already being wildly successful. Rapper and record producer Kanye West did an unpaid stint at the Gap last year and hockey player Sean Avery interned at Vogue in 2008.  So forget what you know about internships being for college students; these celebrities confirm that it’s never too late – and you’re never too successful — to be an intern.  

If you’ve found yourself stuck in a career rut or you’ve always wondered what it’s like to work in a particular profession, there’s no time like the present. Check out our tips for intern-hopefuls of any age.  

1. Use your connections:  When applying for an internship, ask family and friends if they know anyone who works in the field you’re interested in.  As in any job search, an “in” at a company may help you land a job — especially if the company doesn’t have an established internship program.

2. Start your search early: If you think you’ll have time to do an internship in the fall, start looking now.  Companies with established internship programs often hire months in advance. Visit sites like CareerRookie.com for internship listings.

3. Check out  nonprofits:  Nonprofits often have limited budgets, making them especially receptive to the extra help an intern provides. Nonprofit companies require the same functions as for-profit corporations, so expect to find opportunities in human resources, research, communications and accounting.  

4. Find a mentor: Once you land an internship, find a mentor in the company — someone whose job you’d love to do or who knows the industry well.  Ask to shadow this person for a day or set up an informational interview so you can ask questions about the job.

5. Maximize the opportunity: Even if you spend a lot of time at the photocopier or getting coffee, make the most out of your time as an intern. Check out your surroundings. What is the atmosphere like? Do people in the industry seem happy? What are the hours? Also, don’t be afraid to ask for more responsibility. Say something like, “I’ve always wanted to try event planning. Do you need any extra help setting up the event tonight?” It never hurts to ask, and you’ll demonstrate your interest in the job.

For more information on internships for older workers, check out CareerBuilder’s article: “Older Workers Taking on  Internships.”

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In case you haven’t been watching the news, here’s a brief rundown of what’s been going on in Rhode Island:

In February, the entire staff was fired from Central Falls High School as part of a plan to reform the under-performing school. After months of negotiations, the Central Falls Teachers Union reached an agreement with the local school board. All 90 teachers were rehired under the additional terms and conditions that they will work longer hours, provide additional tutoring to students and complete 10 professional development days every summer. In the end, the teachers kept their jobs, and the requisite tutoring sessions and longer school days will hopefully lead to better academic performance at the school.

The road to cooperation wasn’t easy, though — The New York Times reported that, since February, the union spent close to 50 hours in talks with the school board.

This led us to start thinking about the art of compromise. Unfortunately, negotiation is rarely a walk in the park, but since it’s a fact of working life, it’s good to know the basics. The following are expert tips on negotiation, whether you’re vying for a higher salary, a longer maternity leave or the right to wear flip-flops to the office this summer.

1. Do your research

First things first, says Steve Gavatorta, author of “The Reach Out Approach” and a speaker on negotiation methods. “Be prepared and do your homework  upfront. It is imperative that you gain clarity on your needs as well as those of the other person,” he says. “It is often difficult to gather insights from the other side, but the more you can glean and clarify what a ‘win’ means for the both of you, the more you can understand where there is alignment and difference, which will help you plan and succeed in the negotiation.”

Gavatorta also suggests defining what constitutes a win-win situation before entering negotiation, “so you are viewed as taking the initiative of working towards a common goal.”

2. Listen to the other side

“The best way to make your side heard is to focus on the organization’s priorities  first,” says Renessa Boley, a success coach in Washington, D.C. “It’s crucial to hear the other side so that you can (1) demonstrate how the change you seek benefits the organization and aligns with their priorities and (2) so that you can proactively address any concerns your boss may have before he or she raises them. It is always better to pre-empt an objection than to respond to one,” Boley says.

3. Explain yourself

When entering a negotiation, make your goals clear. “Ask for what you want,” says Elene Cafasso, president and head coach at Enerpase Executive Coaching. “You won’t get it if you don’t ask.”

If you’re negotiating a salary or challenging a current workplace rule or contract, chances are that simply asking for what you want won’t be enough. You’ll have to back up your position with facts and reasons why you should get what you want, and how it will benefit the company or organization.

“I like to look at the negotiation as an opportunity to persuade another person to ultimately accept your points,” Gavatorta says. “If you’ve done your homework and clearly know where the alignment is [in your viewpoints] you can work towards the overarching objective of a win for both sides.”

4. Aim high

“Remember this is a negotiation and you will have give and take, so start at an aggressive point so you have plenty of room to maneuver,” Gavatorta says. “You can be assured that the other person will be aiming  high, too.”

5. Know when enough is enough

Sometimes, Gavatorta says, both sides may just need to walk away for a while and think about the points that have been raised, but this doesn’t mean the conversation is finished. “If you’ve done your homework upfront and negotiated in good faith during the process, then it is not yet over,” he says.

Also, remember that a good deal can be made for everyone involved, without each side getting exactly what they want. “At some point, we need to be happy with what’s fair and accept a deal that we can live with and feel good about,” Cafasso says. “Especially when negotiating a salary, I always ask my clients if they want to work [for a certain employer] for reasons beyond the money. Will it advance their overall career goals?  What will they learn?  What contacts will they make?”

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Personal referrals are important in the hiring process for the same reason customer reviews are important when making a big purchase. Before entering into an expensive or long-term commitment, people want reassurance that they’re making a good choice. For a hiring manager, that means personal referrals act as a testimony of sorts for a candidate’s professional abilities.

“A referral conveys a level of reference and trust, just like having a stamp on your résumé from working at a name brand company,” says Kathy Ullrich, president of Kathryn Ullrich and Associates, an executive recruiting firm. “When I moderated a panel of executive recruiters at Stanford Graduate School of Business, all of the recruiters said that the chance that they would look at an unsolicited résumé was slim. However, if the sender mentioned in the e-mail that they were a referral of someone trusted by the recruiter, then not only did the likelihood of the recruiter looking at the résumé increase dramatically, but also the possibility that the recruiter would speak with the person directly as a courtesy.”

Personal referrals can either be recommendations in letter form or just the simple blessing from someone in your network to reach out to one of their contacts, i.e. “John Doe suggested I contact you about the open position.”  Here’s what you need to know about securing either type of testament to your hard work.

Whom to ask

“Recommendations should come from respected peers within your industry,” says  Brad Ellis, a partner at Kaye/Bassman, an international recruiting firm. “The best letters come from people you have reported to, preferably your previous boss.”

Susan Howington, president and CEO of Power Connections, a professional networking firm, says that getting recommendations from people you’ve worked with in a variety of capacities, however, will give the best overview of your skill set. “Recommendations should come from bosses, peers, subordinates, fellow board members and – let’s not forget – customers. This gives a full 360-degree perspective that can be very impressive,” she says.

How to ask

When asking favors of your contacts, it’s important to be targeted and specific in your request.

If you’re asking someone you know for a contact at a company you may be interested in, Ullrich suggests something to the effect of: “As you know, I’ve been a product manager most recently at a mobile applications company and worked on X, an application that you may have used on your iPhone. I’m looking for product management roles at larger companies with mobile applications groups, companies like Apple, Google or Microsoft. Do you know anyone you can refer me to at these companies?”  By stating your goal and your understanding of how your skills fit with the company you’re interested in, your referrer will feel more confident in providing you a contact, she says. 

Explaining why you need a referral can also be helpful, Ellis says. “For example, say: ‘I am competing for a director level position and I am in the running with five other candidates … a reference from you (considering you had such an influential impact on me in the business as my mentor) would help solidify my ability to attain the job and demonstrate similar results in this new career change,’” he says.

Howington also suggests making the process simple for those you are calling upon for the favor. “I always tell my clients to actually provide some sample verbiage or content to those they are requesting the recommendation from. I think that people are appreciative of the gesture and most will approve the suggested content. If nothing else, it gets the ideas flowing and they might even embellish your original thoughts so you will end up with an even better recommendation than you had anticipated,” she says.

What to ask for

If you’re asking someone for an actual recommendation letter, “it should focus on cost saving initiatives, money brought in, turnaround situations where you helped improve your previous department, stability of your work history and, of course, how well they rate your performance,” Ellis advises.

Ellis says the best referral letters convey the following:

• The candidate has done the job  before.
• The candidate is self-motivated and  coachable.
• The candidate has brought in — or saved — money for his or her previous  employer.
• The candidate is stable and not a job  hopper.
• The candidate’s  proficiencies.

Ellis also advises that referral letters be geared toward specific positions whenever possible. “[Candidates should] match themselves to the hiring authority’s ‘hot buttons,’ or their motivating factors for hiring. Specific letters showing a correlation to the job you are applying to are the best.”

Do LinkedIn referrals count?

“Yes, LinkedIn referrals do count,” Howington says. “But don’t be fooled; good recruiters will check and track the referrals through LinkedIn. If the referrals look contrived or superfluous — like a situation where you tell someone, ‘If you write me a recommendation, then I’ll write you a recommendation’ or if it appears that you are going for quantity versus quality of recommendations — their impact can be diminished in the eyes of the reader,” she says.

In terms of finding people in your network who might refer you to a company you are interested in, Ullrich says LinkedIn is a good tool, but should not be the only one in your networking and referral efforts. “The recruiters on the panel [at Stamford] all wanted communications via e-mail rather than LinkedIn,” she says. 

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