Is there a reason you’re late … or is it just an excuse?

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Who invented the standard nine-to-five workday? He or she must have been a morning person because if I were setting the workday hours, I’d push it to start at 10 a.m. at the earliest. Why?

While I’d love to be the type of person who just jumps out of bed alert and perky every day, it just doesn’t work for me that way.  Take this morning:

When I heard my favorite DJ through my alarm at sunrise, I hit my snooze several times in an attempt to squeeze as much time out of my slumber as possible. This is my typical M.O. — not very good for someone who actually read an article yesterday about how to become a morning person.

But despite my tendencies to linger in bed as long as possible, I have to say I am fairly punctual arriving to the office — most of the time.

Seems I’m not alone. A new CareerBuilder survey reveals that 16 percent of workers said they arrive late to work at least once a week, but that’s down from 20 percent in last year’s survey. An additional 8 percent said they are late at least twice a week, down from 12 percent last year. What’s the cause of the decline in job tardiness? Could it be the economy?

“Some workers may be more concerned with the nuances of their on-the-job performance these days, resulting in fewer late arrivals,” said Rosemary Haefner, vice president of human resources for CareerBuilder. “Regardless of the economy, though, getting to work on time can be more of a priority in some workplaces than in others. It’s important for workers to be aware of their company’s tardiness policies and make sure to be honest with their manager if they are going to be late.”

In the survey, workers shared a variety of reasons for being tardy, led by traffic (32 percent) and lack of sleep (24 percent). Seven percent said getting their kids ready for school or day care was the cause of their lateness, while the same amount said bad weather was the culprit. Other common reasons included public transportation, wardrobe issues or dealing with pets. All of these reasons seem legitimate, and I’ll bet all workers have fallen victim to at least one.

In my defense, I’d have to say that not waking up on time — once in awhile – is a fairly typical (and acceptable) reason for being late to work. So is adjusting to daylight saving time. (Note: This is legit only in springtime when we lose an hour from the time change.) But then there are the excuses. It seems people will use any excuse for being late for work.  Here are some of the real-life excuses hiring managers have heard from their employees explaining their tardiness:

  • I got mugged and was tied to the steering wheel of my car.
  • My deodorant was frozen to the  windowsill.
  • My car door fell off.
  • It was too windy.
  • I dreamt I was already at work.
  • I had to go to the hospital because I drank antifreeze.
  • I had an early morning gig as a clown.
  • A roach crawled in my ear.
  • I saw an elderly lady at a bus stop and decided to pick her up.
  • My dog swallowed my cell phone.

A final word of caution to those of you who are punctuality challenged: While some employers are more lenient with worker tardiness, others have stricter policies. Thirty-four percent of employers said they have terminated an employee for being late.

What’s the best excuse you’ve heard or used? Tell us  below. 

1,018 Comments
  1. Pingback: Is there a reason you’re late … or is it just an excuse? | JobsMyriad.com - Employment Agency and Career Placement Service

  2. I had an employee tell me that a ghost kept turning off his alarm clock and that is why he was always late. I can collaborate this.

  3. I didn’t have enough money for gas
    My mower wouldn’t start and I couldn’t get it fixed
    There was a long line at the Drive-thru
    I spilled my coffee on my suit ,tie ,skirt ,blouse
    i got stuck in the car wash

  4. I said my boss : rain don’t allow me see the EXIT on I-5 and I lost to took the right exit then I was driving lost the last 40 minutes in the West…but finally I recalled a route to came back.

    • Used that one before as well. Some jerk kids in the Apt complex. 6 tires later, I got two free months rent, but was late several times to work.

  5. i noticed once i was very unhappy with my job it was hard to get up for work everymorning. even worse i had to arrive at 6 am and work a 10 hr a day shift. if i was even a minute late i lost a quarter of an hour pay or even if i was 14min early i would not get paid for it until 6am. kind of crappy when this happens. alot of various things the bosses would impliment that made no sense whatsoever drove me to workin a dead end job. like for example the company stating no raises were to be given due to economy, and whats rediculous is they tell us at the start of 2009 that we profited the most in company history. they told us the profit and i figured a dollar raise an hour to be about .0008% out of their profits a year. makes one feel like they wont get anywhere in the company if only a couple people are actually able to live a generous life while the rest struggle check to check. So what im saying is its hard to arrive on time if after a while working hard for the company makes only them more money and not the worker… Nick from UTAH,

  6. I had a co-worker who had stayed up partying all night, and called in drunk. My boss couldn’t even be mad at her because she was so totally honest.

  7. If a person does not habituated to be on time he can never be taught or pressuresized or punished to be on time. Since nowadays flexible timings have into existence even going to late to office may seems to be outfocus in due course of time. World is pushed to a great change and the olden and golden traditional values goes ashtray and due course our own philosophy may even changed to our convenience.

  8. MY SONS DOG HAS REALLY ATE TWO OF MY CELL PHONE. IT TOOK SEVERAL TIMES OF HIM GETTING AHOLD OF IT TO DESTROY THEM. THANK GOD HE HAS STOPPED CHEWING EVERYTHING ELSE ALSO. BUT IT NEVER MADE ME LATE FOR WORK.

  9. I hate looking at same faces daily and find no worth loosing my earling morning sleep for a job that has no busy work schedules. When the actual work starts at 8am there is no reason to be on time by 7am. when there is more work, we work overtime so 10 – 15 minutes of coming late to office is acceptable in our book of ethics. :-)

  10. I had an employee tell me he has to drink when he drives at night to stay awake. (He drinks beer) Was late for work because he got pulled over and arrested for DUI. that was his defense with the company and the court

  11. My car had a flat tire…
    The kids missed the bus so I had to drop them off…
    Had to stop at the gas station…
    My dog is sick and he puked all over the kitchen…
    Was cooking breakfast and my table cloth caught on fire…
    There was an accident though my daily route so I had to take a new route…
    Jehovah Witness came to my door trying to sell me stuff while I was walking out of the house…
    Had to drop my sister off in her doctors appointment…

    Those are my excuses either that or had to rescue a cat off a tree :p

  12. As an Employer … I’ve heard everything from power outages, I left my cellphone at home and had to go back for it, the dog got sick all over the place, my roommate just slept with my boyfriend and I’m freaking out, traffic, PD just pulled me over and gave me a ticket, doctor kept me longer than I expected, ex didn’t show up to pick up the kids, court kept me longer than I thought, friend of the family died in the middle of the night on my couch, dentist appt went on for hours, flat tire, battery dead, ran out of gas, female problems, trolley was late, bus was late, not enough money to take the trolley, bus or cab, Mom, Dad, Sister, Brother, Son, Daughter, Cousin, In-Law, roommate, Ex anything … all died hafta deal with funeral arrangements or attend funeral, need immediate surgery for neck, back, gall bladder, kidney stone, diverticulitis, cysts … DMV took too long, truck broke down, I’m in jail and I don’t know when I’ll get out, I’ve got jury duty, my kid just broke an arm on the playground, need to hit the bank to pay my child support, the rent is due, overdue, or late and I’ll get evicted, I got towed, impounded for overdue tickets, expired registration, 72 hour violation, driving without a license or a DUI … my precious cat got out of the house and I have to find it … wow, I guess I’ve been a Manager for an awfully long time, seems like I’ve heard them all and I haven’t even finished the list! LOL

  13. I actually turn off my alarm unaware that I have done so while I’m still asleep. I’ve had to move my alarm far enough away from my bed that I have to get out of bed to turn it off.

    I’ve used “getting pulled over by the police” however it is probably overused though.

  14. I am in the Navy and when I recently got to Japan I was using my ipod touch as my alarm. Well, one night I plugged my ipod into my computer, which I left on east coast time, and it synced to the computer. Well the next morning I woke up to what I thought was early and made myself to work and found my office in the middle of our morning meeting. And my excuse was…my clock was in the wrong time zone.

  15. I had an employee tell me, “I woke up in the middle of the night thirsty so I grabbed an Oreo and a glass of milk. I took a bite of the Oreo and a swallow of milk and thought, ‘oh this is chunky..’ so I threw away the Oreo and finished the milk…” When was the last time an Oreo went bad?

  16. my daughter was in my room while i was sleeping and was playing with the alarm clock. it came unplugged and thats why i was late.

    • i’ve heard “my kid was playing w/ my phone, and my old alarm clock doesn’t work so i didn’t know to get up” ” i had to drop the kids @ school/daycare”,” i’m waiting for the coffee maker”, and my all time favorite,” i fell back to sleep on the couch while i was waiting to leave” yes, i’ve heard em all! I’m not late for work…ever. So, i have no excuse lol

  17. I used to work in a publishing company and i must admit that i am a perennial late comer there were times that the whole department would clap their hands if they saw me report for work on time and this article though funny is really true.Tardiness produces the most creative and absurd excuses.

  18. I could make up an excuse however, most of the time I’m just doing all kinds of little things in the morning and not managing my time very well. As a result, I usually don’t leave the house until the very last minute, and am almost always 2-3 minutes late…it’s my own fault. I take responsibility.

  19. this is in fact a reality. Its happened to me. I remember one day setting the alarm for 7.45 am and when I woke up i saw it was set for 12.45 pm. Luckily i got up at 9.00 am and rushed to work. I still cant explain to myself how it happened. The ghost might have played tricks. The ghost of laziness.

  20. My Boss (a Director) was late for a very important meeting one day. Ready for this………. His excuse was he got caught up in traffic because some one had dumped a huge pile of used cloth baby diaper in the middle of the road, and there was a line of cars trying to drive around them.

  21. i had the days of the week all mixed up and thought it was sunday when it actually was not; didnt realize it was a working day till i turned on the tv at around 10 a.m.

  22. John, it’s 5 am I can’t sleep and now I’m sitting in my living room laughing. A ghost? That is by far the best excuse I have heard yet. Thanks for making my day!

  23. Once a friend of mine said “The train got delayed”, Boss bought it.
    But there is no train-station to our office at all. He lives 2 blocks away from work lol!

  24. I love the old “anal glaucoma” excuse. I just don’t see my ass coming in to work today-used for when calling in sick. It can be used as a temporary illness as to why you’re late-I couldn’t see my ass coming in to work, but it cleared up.

  25. i have diahrea.lol :) works all the time. my boss things is discusting to even continue the conversation lol . thats saved me a couples of times :D

  26. I had a co-worker call in and announce it was because her cat was sick. I’ve called in because of vetrinary emergencies more than once, but I never broadcast the fact- I always just say I’m sick. In fact, one time I called in because my python was coiled around the track that the driver seat sets on in my car- but I didn’t tell them that, because it was bound to end up on a blurb like this!

  27. Here’s a reason for being late that a large group of individuals will appreciate:
    “I couldn’t find my reflective belt.”

    • I love it, Vince! That is awesome! I should use that next time I am late for work, even though my room is about a block from my office. I am sure the Battalion Commander will understand. LOL. That made my whole day!

  28. WTF is everyone crying about. I only wish I had a 9 to 5 job. I am in the military and I have to get up at 0530 every morning 6 days out of the week and work 12 hours. So just shut up about having to wake up at 730 8 oclock in the morning. It drives me nuts, just shut up about it and move on!!!!

    • Stop your whining Olsen, no one forced you to sign on the ‘dotted line’ so quit your crying. I’m up at 4am every morning and I’m not in the military anymore.

      When I was in, we were on duty 24/7. That’s right, today’s military is soft & whimpy (females with nailpolish, wearing sneakers for pt, etc.) boy…what a joke.

  29. I had a hangover once and was 30 mins late to work and told my manager that I had forgot to put my work clothes in the dryer the night before.

  30. I had a woman who’s daycare had a series of crises, from being sprayed for bugs, to a fire, then morning workers not showing up on time to open (she previously said it was a 24 hour daycare). When I asked her the name of the daycare, she didn’t remember the name, just where it was. I terminated her for excessive tardies and then found out (when shetried to get unemployment) that she didn’t have any children.

  31. My husband inadvertently locked me INSIDE our house. For real. We had just moved into our new home and didn’t know that the locks on the doors required a key both inside and outside the house. He had an early flight out-of town the next morning for a business trip, left the house before I was even up, and locked the door from the outside with the only house key we had at that point. When I was ready to leave for work I discovered I couldn’t get out of the house!!

  32. I was abducted by aliens who wanted to use me to reveal Earth’s secrets. My brother used that on one of his teachers once. It made the teacher laugh so hard that she actually forgave the lateness.

  33. I am a supervisor, so I’ve heard some good ones, but my favorite by far was,
    “After my dental surgery, the pain medication knocked me out so bad that when I came to, I couldn’t remember WHERE I WORKED!!!”

  34. you remember that cat that escaped the petting zoo? well it turned up outside of my house and i had to wait for it to wander off so i could leave.

  35. A coworker once called in saying she would be late because she had to clean her toilet. That is one of many excuses she had, but by far the best.

  36. A former co-worker was chronically late. Here are a few of his excuses: “I’m right around the corner” “My shoelace broke” “My roommate’s gas was stolen” “My gas was stolen” There were more…but he was always 15-60 minutes late and he would call when he was already 10 minutes late. He got away with it for a long time until he moved.

  37. I used to keep a log of the excuses my employees gave me. In a way it is fun as a release for my stress when certain people dodn’t show up.

    When they tell me they are sick and I show up at their house to see if they are ok, I find most of them out shopping or just fine.

    Over the years one guy must have thought I forgot but his grand mother died nine times.

    hahahehehehehe
    I have a list which is much better than yours. I know when a women is lying. I am not going to tell you my secret but I know.

    After I had a meeting posting all their excuses as I watched their faces as I went down the list, I saw who gave which excuse. The I showed them the cost of them not showing up for work.

    Most people get sick or instance on a Thursday on a long weekend or their Grandmothers died on a Monday on a long weekend.

    As an employer, I just shake my head in wonder, why these people have no interest on moving ahead. I used to think it is a Canadian thing but I have seen it in other countries too.

    Since then got rid of my 24 employees as I was really working to pay their salaries and few ever surprised me.

    I have one helper that almost never complains.

    About 15 years ago I got a grant from the government to hire 15 students. So They put ads out for me. I got thousands of calls. In fact I startted a log to there too

    Here are some of the questions I got from them.

    Can I get my teeth fixed before I come to work
    Can I have my Vacation before I come to work

    The job posting was to hand out fliers for my handyman company and those who showed promise, would help me on jobs.

    Let’s see….I want the job, but I need to go to the cottage first, Can I have the job when I get back.
    Is may vacation paid? Can I go away and get money?

    And the winner. Can I come and pick out the furniture for my corner office, then take a paid sabbatical for a year and while I am going that do I get a company car. Is gas included?

    What is the school system or the parents of these kids teaching them? It is no wonder when these kids grow up is their lack of self esteem, no honor, no integrity, no compassion, in fact, not much of anything and then they want th cake and eat it too.

    All I can say is …I welcome retirement hahahehehehehehe
    You will have to buy the book called Dossier of a Handyman

    • I have to say, u have made a very good point. My spvr made it a point to be late,leave early, had every excuse in the world,though she claimed they weren’t excuses,they were “reasons”. For over 5 yrs!!!??? Every day!!!???!!!
      I am from the “Me” generation,had kids early in life,thought I knew everything.
      I work,i support my kids, w/ no problem. I’ve never used my kids as an excuse to be late,not show up…. nothing. It’s a slap in the face to those of us who care, when people who are allowed not to care,or just don’t – they come in late, some don’t even do their own work,they pawn it off on a newby to attempt to do! if we all worked together,this country would be great as it once was.now,everyone is so self-absorbed, they only care about themselves. My question, who’s gonna take care of u when ur unemployed?

  38. i had an employee tell once that he left his ID in his friends car and the car was no where to bbe found but, the next day he showed up with a gorgeous sun tan.

  39. I slipped and fell in dog crap, so I had to reshower and change clothes. Which made me miss my ride, so I had to coordinate other transportation. I could not call because when I fell my cell, which I keep on my belt was damaged.

  40. i always say that i was sick and since my uncle is a doctor i get a medical paper to show that its the truth. of course my work doesnt know that my uncle is a doctor

  41. A cat and her kittens were sleeping near the engine in my car, to keep warm starting it would have killed her and the 8 kittens…. Awww.

  42. A young man in customer service called in green. He said he had a reaction to the green jello he had wrestled in the night before.

  43. I was supervisor at a small screw machine company and I had a guy call in and tols me he was going to be a little late because his wife wanted a little early morning loving. He did not show up until noon and we started at 6 a.m.

  44. My cat turned off my alarm.I use my phone alarm and my cat would get excited
    when it sounded because he knew he would be fed soon. one day i left it on the floor and he jumped on it when it went off. This is a reason not an excuse because no one cares what time I start it just affects my income.

  45. I couldn’t make it to work cause I was welding and got flash burns in my eyes. And to prove it I put sand in my eyes and got really stoned, for the effect, and to make it a 3 day rest. I really haven’t welded in years.

  46. I had an employee tell me “I hit a dog on the way to wrok and had to take him to a vet.” Where was the vets office? “I don’t remember”.

  47. Work in law enforcement! 5 minutes late walking in door = memo to Sgt. “app. for being late due to alarm clock user error” (Never set it, we got a laugh and well, you know the rest!)

  48. 1. I forgot to turn the dryer on and all my clothes were in there.

    2. The electric went out and i couldn’t get the garage door open to get the car out.

  49. I have one that ive used on school: My parents didnt wake me up; The power went out; and my cats knocked over my alarm and broke it. None but the power one has ever been tru though.

  50. I WORKED FOR A COMPANY FOR 27 YEARS, DROVED 70 MILES TO WORKES EVERY DAY HAD TWO KIDS AND A DISABLED HUSBAND AT HOME. I WORKED 12 HRS DAYS, AND NIGHTS. NEVER LATE, ALWAYS 20 MIN. EARLY. MAYBE 10 TIMES IN 27 YEARS DUES TO ACCIDENT ON THE INTERSTATE. IT WOULD GET ME SEEING MY COWORKER COME IN LATE LIVING ONLY 5 TO 10 MILES AWAY WITH ONLY 1 CHILD OR NO CHILDREN AT HOME TO GET READY. SO I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT.
    SORRY.

  51. A co-worker called in they had locked their keys in their convertible Tracker. I guess she couldn’t figure out how to unzip the back window.

  52. I was drivivng to work and almost there and I noticed my cat in the back seat because I left my windows open and had to drive him all the way home.

  53. When I was in college, I was late for a class, in front of the whole classroom the professor asked me why I was late, I replied that I have missed the bus to which he replied, why don’t you tell me that you had a flat tire instead? I told him I didn’t have a car, he explained to me that missing the bus was a weak excuse, that a flat tire was better since nobody in school knew if I had a car or not.

    I haven’t forgotten that moment and that in a great part of my working life has kept me from being late anywhere including work.

  54. I am seldom late, but one morning, after a night of not much sleep with my 7-week-old daughter, I was halfway to work when I realized that I did not drop my baby off at the daycare. Needless to say, I was 30 minutes late, but my boss and coworkers all understood. If I was chronically late all the time, they probably would not have been so nice about it.

  55. I had a worker once tell me she would be late the next day, because it was her birthday and she knew she’d be too drunk to wake up on time.

  56. Excuse for calling in sick:
    The doctor says I am suffering from Anal Occulitis. I just can’t see my ass coming in today!!

  57. I had an employee who called in sick 2 Mondays out of the month, the guys began calling him “Part time”. This went on about 4 months, soon he became known as “Unemployed”

  58. I once had to call in when I was younger cause saying “I locked in my own house” Our house had a front double deadbolt and my bf took both keys and locked the door when leaving.

  59. I skimmed through this article and I had to comment: I really wish I didn’t waste my time skimming through this. Please, research something of substance and write about it. Then, I will read it.

  60. I had an employee call and say. “I can’t make it in today because my penis hurts”. I really had no response…………….this can also be verified.

  61. I ‘ve actually heard, “Everything is on God’s time so if I am here late it is because He wanted me here at this time”

  62. after 20 years, had 1 guy with 2 excuses for why he was late, 1st one was today is my fishing day, what does that have to do with work, the next one was my dad dint do my laundry, 24 yr old man, thought they were the best i had heard in 20 years

  63. My sister lived in Charleston, so this was a true excuse!! An alligator was on her front porch and she could not leave the house!

  64. Years ago I had a young women who did filing for me. She was a little slow but worked hard and was so pleasant. She was a sort of round person. She was never late and one morning did not show up. A few hours later she called and told me she had been taken to the hospital with horrible stomach pains and had a baby. Never even knew she was pregnant. LOL

  65. After a night of drinking with his friends, without me, I overheard my husband tell his employer, at 6:30 IN THE MORNING: l’m gonna be late, l just got a call from my wife and l have to go and pick her up, she just got into a fight at the bar.

  66. I have held perfect attendance for 35 years now. That includes no sick days and i have been rewarded well by my boss for this. I am currently a manager, and i do fire a few people a year for attendance, the worst thing they can do is give me a stupid excuse!!! I am not a morning person!!! i am up at 5 am mon – friday, its not easy but anyone can do it!!! In this econmy, and its getting worse, i would think that employees would be on time, so cut with the crap and be ontime to work!! or else, YOUR FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  67. I had an employee say that his 9 yr old son, got up in the middle of the night and turned the main circuit breaker on and off to reset the clocks.

  68. I’m still in high school so i will pretty much say anything for why i’m late, when in actuality i was probably just hanging out with friends before work.
    excuse example: “my mom didn’t wake me up on time” or “school ran over time “

  69. Good Morning: I had a co-worker who called in one time because her cat broke her tail in the glass door and she had to stay home and take her to the bathroom. Another time she called in and said she had an opposum in her tree and she was waiting for it to come down so her dogs wouldn’t get it. We tried to tell her that they were nocturnal and wouldn’t come down till night but she didn’t want to “chance it”. She also called in because her dog chewed on her pool liner (?). Always good for a laugh. We have always threatened to write a book of her excuses

  70. The traffic light must have been broken because it would not turn green. Nobody would go through the red light so we all just sat there and waited.

  71. I was almost late to work one morning because I had an end of a Q-Tip stuck in my ear and ended up in a hospital emergancy room. I made it to work with 2 minutes to spare. I really didn’t want to have tell my boss what happened.

    (Remember: proper use of a Q-Tip is around the outside of your ear, not inside.)

  72. A co-worker called in 30 minutes after work had started with, “I’m behind a funeral procession on the freeway”. Another one said, “I can’t poop in a public bathroom”.

  73. I was 24 yrs. old and working as a waitress. I was scheduled to start working at 11AM, but my b/f, who was deployed overseas (Army) had come back early that morning. I called my Mgr. at 11:15am and told him I was having the best sex I had ever had in my life and didn’t expect to be in for at least a couple hours! How’s that for blunt honesty?! He laughed and said, “Thatta’ girl! Take the day off, I’ll cover for you.”

  74. a friend of mines had many great excuses for being late includung: i had to wait for geese in the road, an alien landed in front of me on my way in. and i had to wait for a frieghter to cross the street.

  75. My co worker is so ” i can break the rule if I want to” type of a person she doesn’t even give an excuse for being late she just says Good Morning like she is on time. Everyone else has been at their desk for 20 min. She is late for everything work (4 days a week) meetings, misses flights at the airport. But it is never a big deal and everyone should understand that she just needed a few more minutes.

  76. I had a worker who was always 15 minutes late. I docked his pay and suggested he set his clock ahead 15 minutes. He was on time after that, doing as I had suggested.

  77. I hope you meant that you could corroborate the ghost story, not that you were involved in its creation through collaboration? Thanks for the laugh!

  78. A co-worker once called in and said he was locked IN his apartment. Apparently the lock jammed and he was unable to get out until his landlord came and disassembled the door. As he rarely called in and was generally truthful, the boss believed him. So did everyone else, you’d have to know him!

  79. One of my fellow emplyees came up with this excuse for being late. “I locked my keys out side the car, i couldnt reach them. Even with the window down.”

  80. Actually, my aunt and uncle’s dog DID eat a friend’s cell phone – for real.

    Her name was Ida Mae and she was a huge bloodhound who pretty much ate anything…linoleum, furniture, you name it. Her jaws were so strong she would puncture holes in tuna cans and suck out the tuna. A friend was visiting and the dog nipped the phone off the counter and crunched it up. They found some of the chewed up gears and such on the floor. They rushed her to the vet and apologized to their friend, who they offered to pay for a new cell phone. The vet said fortunately the pieces were small enough and her digestive tract, being a big dog, was so large that it should pass right through with no problems.

    Meantime, they waited a few days and managed to ” retrieve” the memory card for the cell phone from the other end, to put it delicately. They sterilized it, gave it back to the friend with her new phone, she popped the card in and it worked just fine. Truth is definitely stranger than fiction….

  81. I had two flat tires and only one spare. This excuse was used by a friend of mine when she was over 4 FOUR hours late for work!!!

  82. That’s not funny, my puppy really did chew up my cellphone and it would not work ,I had to turn it it as damaged, go get a loaner phone and wait 4 days to get a new phone. So yes it can happen, and I have an LG BLISS, so when he chewed the screen it ruined the phone, thank god for memory cards or I would have lost everything on it .Oh and yes I have pictures of the phone and did take it in to Us Cellular to prove it,teeth marks and all…lol

  83. This was the best that I have heard.. A girl that I work with has that birth control ring well she had a three month supply of them and she called in saying that her cat ate her birth control….

  84. Actually my dog did chew up my cell phone and I wasn’t at work but ready to use the phone that morning, I lost all my info on the phone and I was so upset that he chewed it. He took the cover off the batter, chewed the battery where there is a mark on the corner from his teeth, the bottom where it plugs in was completely destroyed and the hinges where the phone flips open and they were chewed. So in real life it does happen. I laughed when I saw it for a lame excuse because it reminded of me.

  85. I have had an employee tell me that he had a dream there was buried treasure in his backyard and he was late because he had to dig..

  86. My husband had his own business and this was the best excuse! The employee was late because he didn’t know the phone number to call – even though he wore a shirt everyday that had the phone number on it!

  87. The best excuse I have ever heard was,”I am late to work today because I got stuck in the toilet. My boyfriend left the seat up.” The girl was 45 minutes late to work

  88. I couldn’t find my car keys ,My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He is eight years older than me, lol. We met online via~ A g e g a p s in g l e s~ .~ c o m ~a nice place for younger women seeking older men, or older women seeking younger men, to interact with each other. Maybe you wanna check it out or tell your friends

  89. I had a co-worker that came in late and said he took a sleeping pill and didn’t realize it would make him so drowsy! He was the king of excuses for being late!

  90. I had an employee telll me that it was “against his religion to come in to work early” and that “God would be angry at him.” Of course, we had to let him go go after a couple of tardies.

  91. Best one I have ever heard: My neighbor’s cow was having difficulty giving birth to her calf. I assisted with the birth and had to go home to shower afterward.

  92. I’ve heard the excuse for being late: “Sorry, I was busy pleasuring my wife. Since I don’t get the opportunity often, I decided to act on it while it was available to me”

  93. Ok.. same guy.. all these excuses.
    I was waiting for a phone call. All he has is a cell phone.
    My cordless razor died halfway through shaving.. need to wait for it to recharged.
    My dog ate a box of bullets.
    I couldnt get my contact lens in.
    Im sure I can think of more.

  94. My coworker comes up with the most crazy stories about why shes late! here is come examples:
    -My dog turned off my alarm
    -My dog locked my keys in my car
    -I had volleyball
    -I had to take my car to the shop (which is okay… but not once a week)

  95. Probably the weirdest excuse for my being late for work was, my driver’s license was stolen from my wallet while I was sleeping. This was true; I once had a roommate, somebody I knew for almost 20 years at the time…I knew him since he was a teenager, and I used to do typing for his father. Also him and his father used to attend my church, so I felt that I could trust him. When I noticed the license missing, I was angry…he was obviously the only suspect, since I never take my license out of my wallet, and the only other people in the house were him and my grandmother. I drive a van for a living, and I cannot be driving a motor vehicle without my license in my possession…so I called in late, staying home until my roommate came home from one of his drinking binges. My roommate has had problems with drifting from job to job and living arrangement to living arrangement since he was 18; prior to that he has had problems with school and juvenile authorities, mainly truancy, shoplifting, and underage drinking and drug use. He started smoking cigarettes at age 13, and started drinking shortly afterward. He also supposedly fathered a child when he was 14…the mother was 14 as well. He ended up spending a few years in various juvenile detention and mental health institutions when he was a teen. His drinking made it difficult for him to find and keep employment, so he did freelance “jack-of-all-trades” work, mainly painting. In January, 1997, he needed a place to stay; I offered to take him in on condition that he paint my house this summer, and that he stay away from alcohol and find a job. The house painting, which should have taken three weeks, took three months due to his laziness and drinking. He did get a job at a supermarket, thanks to a friend of his who was a manager. He got fired a month later due to his coming to work drunk. The moment I confronted him about my driver’s license, I kicked him out of my house. He used the license as a phony ID, so he can see a doctor…he also stole my health insurance card. This angered me even more, since if his medical problems showed up on my medical record, it would affect my health. Needless to say, I have had nothing to do with this guy ever since.

    My usual excuses for being late for work is due to public transportation delays due to weather or bus/rapid transit breakdowns.

  96. We had an employee who was late to work and called in to say he would be late because he was locked in his apartment and could not get out. Since he didn’t own a phone his boss asked him how it was he was able to call, the employee said he’d climbed out a window and gone to a coin phone to call the office, but he had to hurry back to the apartment so he would be there when the maintenance man came to let him out. His employment was terminated the next day.

  97. I have a few reasons for running late. 1) someone was blocking my driveway. 2) there was construction on the road that I was not aware of. 3) my daughter missed the bus and I had to bring her to school. 4) no excuse I am just running late this morning.

  98. My friend used: A box truck parked behind me at my condo and I was blocked in. Looked all over but couldn’t find the driver.

  99. Here’s a tip. Don’t use excuses. If you have a valid reason, say it. If you don’t, just tell him the truth, that you overslept, got distracted or whatever. Tell him to dock the pay. Unless your just hires out to other people (like a service job), and being on time is the difference between business and no business (in which case try to quit, cause he’s gonna be a crab if you’re even five minutes late, even if you’re always waiting for him about 30 min), the primary grip with you being late is trying to claim time that you weren’t around for, accepting a smaller punishment often helps take the pressure off (don’t make a habit of it, because the boss can definitely save money on you, cutting costs by every day that you’re late).

    I had a boss who I got to work early for (not cause I liked him, som much as because I more like wanted to get the job out of the way), and I was sick of hearing his excuses when he was late, then watched the double standard the one time we had to fix our car up. I tried to quit or get fired, but the guy liked me (for being super-punctual I guess), so I had to really tell him flatly, this is my last day. And he still kept roping me in stuff, trying to call me back, then conveniently forgetting I’d quit, so I had to say no to that too.

  100. My car door really did fall off once, but it happened when I was leaving work, so I wasn’t late. That being said I do have a tendency to be late, not just to work but to everything. My only excuse is that I get caught up in what I am doing and lose track of time.

    • “An employee told me that the gas in her car was frozen. We live in North Carolina.”

      Spekaing of weather realted excuses relative to North Carolina, we had an employee who claimed she “slid off her driveway into a ditch” when we had a whopping 1/2 inch of snowfall.

      kfmg

  101. My mom was always was late always ….We always told her she would be late to her own funeral ,well that did’nt happen she made it on time Jan 18,2010 God rest her soul…Her favorite excuse was” I’m having car trouble” ,the boss would say what kind of car trouble are u having? She would say”I’m having trouble getting in the car” lol

  102. I as jerking off but no matter how hard I tried I simply could not get myself off.

    Finally, I had to lube up and watch porn! True Story.

  103. I once told a boss that my dog had died but we brought it back from the dead using the pet cemetery. Freaked her out…she didn’t question me after that…lol…silly superstitious people!

  104. my alarm broken down ,lol my friends told me If you are looking for a wealthy lifestyle or looking for a businness partner, there is a nice place for us to meet rich and famous people @ M e e t m i l l i o n a i r e ~.~ c o m ,good luck!!

  105. On a Friday being an hour late… “Its Saturday right? Why are all you guys here, I figured I’d get some extra work in but it seems everyone else beat me to it.. and earlier as well, what the heck!”

  106. “A herd of sheep was crossing the road (with their shepard). I couldn’t move until they were past.” And by the way, this really did happen. It happened to me while stationed in Germany. The Kaserne (housing area) only had two ways in or out and the gates to one were locked. My boss believed me because #1 he had lived in Germany for many years and had seen such things and #2 the sheep, while crossing, did their potty business, some of the evidence was still in my car tires. Yuck.

  107. A jokester friend of mine was late because he hit a kid on the way to work on April Fools Day. He was fired until the owner heard about it on the news. The kid wasn’t hurt too bad.

  108. I had an employee that did not show up for work one Monday morning. The next day he came in and told us that he thought Monday was really Sunday. I had to laugh.

  109. One of my guys called one morning to say he would be late because he’d spent the night with a woman and she’d already left for work, setting the alarm on her house, and he didn’t know the code to turn it off.

    Another one of my guys has to be the only member of his family left, because he continually called in that an aunt, uncle, cousin, etc. had died. The unusual part of it was that he always said they died at his mother’s house. (Not sure if they have a built in early warning system that gives them time to get to her house before they die or if she’s killing themoff one by one when they come to visit.)

  110. I had a young lady who worked for me that was chronically late. Her best excuse was the morning her car was surrounded by cows that escaped from a nearby farm and they wouldn’t let her get to her car.

  111. A girl I worked with called off one day because a heard of Zebras was blocking the road. BTW I don’t live in Africa. I live in SW Pennsylvania.

  112. I Left my shoes at home and had to go back for them when I was half way to work. True story. I told my boss – she just laughed.

  113. Last fall, the day just after the time change, I told my boss that I was late because I forgot to change my clock. I worried for weeks that he might figure out that if I had forgotten to move my clock back, that I should have been an hour EARLY for work insteadd of an hour late!

  114. Three days ago I was petting a horse standing next to an electric fence and now I am tingling all over.

    Also (another goodie) : My husband was just in a car accident and was thrown 50 feet (this was for a late arrival, not an absence)

  115. The funniest excuse I’ve heard is that there was a cow in the road. She actually took a picture on her cell phone because she just knew noone would believe her.

  116. It all depends… If you work at the store or on an assembly line, or any other job that a person needs to interact with customers then being on time is very important.

    For a lot of design, engineering, creative work places being at a given place at a given time is secondary to performance and quality – and lack of sleep can create serious performance issues or catastrophic design flaws…

    In my line of work long hours at the office are more important than being somewhere at 8AM… Also, individual talent is far more important than punctuality (talent comes first, then you can be late… LOL…). Besides I met a whole range of people – some work best starting at 7AM, other are useless until 9:30 or 10:00AM… Not everyone was born for the 1st shift :)

  117. I clogged the toilet during my morning dump so I ad to fix it before I came to school.(I’m just a senior in highschool, this actually worked!)

  118. People who work together on a project collaborate (share their labor); people who support your testimony as a witness corroborate (strengthen by confirming)

  119. One of our employees claimed a tornado hit her house but another employee who lived close to her denied there was any visible damage to the late employee’s house. When confronted she angrily stated the tornado only hit the BACK part of her house and was actually angry that we had questioned her about it!! This actually happened.

  120. I was in the middle of a heated email argument with my wife (who had moved out), and I did not dare terminate it or she would think that she had won.

  121. We were already understffed for the following day in our Nursing dept and everyone knew that yet an employee still didnt show up and when we were finally able to get ahold of them 4 hours after the shift started they said “I didnt know I was scheduled to work today.” They got suspended.

  122. I seriously doubt that the person who invented the 9 to 5 shift was a morning person, just a lazy person. By the time the 9 to 5 people show up late for work, I’ve already been at work for 3 hours. By the way, I also get off work 3 hours earlier than the 9 to 5 people too.

    • That doesn’t mean they are lazy. You work the same number of hours, just at different start times. Are you lazier than someone who works a 1am – 9am shift?

  123. I had one of my lifeguards call me at home at 4:15am to tell me that she would not be able to open the pool at 5am because her dog ate her bathing suit.

  124. This is what I told a manager once on why I was late – I was deciding whether or not to quit this job. Where should I pick up my last paycheck?

  125. I had 2 flat tires one morning. As you all know, a car only holds 1 spare. I had to wait for my husband to get home and drive me to work.

  126. The highway was closed until the elephants were corralled to their trailer. The circus was in town and there was a car accident with the elephant trailer. (Actual occurance of this event was in the mid 1980′s on I-75 North of Dallas.

  127. I actually DID have my car door fall off one time…was more than late as I couldn’t exactly drive the vehicle w/o a door. Sometimes reality is stranger than fiction.

  128. True story. My garage door was frozen shut & I couldn’t get my car out. A low spot under the door collected at least 2″ of water. A quick, hard freezer over night (in WI) turned the water to ice & the bottom of the door was frozen in it. It took salt & a pick & about an hour to break the door free.

  129. This is true: I was on vacation in Hawaii upon returning I set 5 alarms between my alarm clock radio and my cell phone, but did not hear one alarm, then my my manager called “Where are you? Do you plan on coming in to work today?”, I said in my mind OH F*!!! But I answered very sleepily “Hello? Oh yes I am, ok, yes, yes.” Well then the race was on to get to work!

  130. I had an employee tell me he was late because he rolled out of bed during the night and landed on the floor between the bed and wall so when his girlfriend left for work she thought he had already gone.

  131. One worker said he was late because he had to get his cows in out of the rain. The same individual later said he had to butcher his neighbor’s two deer before the meat spoiled. The neighbor could not do it himself because he had to go to work.
    Both statements were in writing and brought forth a bit of laughter later when entered into evidence in his unemployment hearing.

  132. This was not an excuse, but a REAL reason!
    When I was in the military, living in a barracks, I was late to work one morning because a bird flew into my window. I felt that if I hadn’t gotten it out, it would have either pooped all over the place or panicked and trashed my room…or both.
    However, my supervisor said, “You know what? That’s just so outlandishly original that I’m going to believe you.”

  133. One of my co-workers is ALWAYS late and calls out. One time she was 1/2 a day late because “her kid lost his school shoe at the park”. Ummm..you only have one pair of shoes for your kid? Okay she’s a single mom so maybe she doesn’t have a lot, but still go to walmart and get him shoes. They open early. And when did he lose it? You mean to tell me he lost it the night before and you didn’t know and didn’t do anything about. It was really ridiculous. And she showed up mid day.

  134. We have one “manager” who has used the same excuse so many times we can recite it…

    “My hot water heater blew up, flooding my basement. Oh, and my driveway is frozen, so my car can’t get out.”

    Yeah…both at once, quite commonly, and all winter long!

  135. I have 120 employees and keep a book called Outrageous Excuses. Here a only o few.

    1. My dog ate my teeth.

    Employee fell in yard and hit my head. dog work me up in the morning.

  136. I was late for work one time because there were 3 skunks in front of my garage door and I couldn’t…. or should I say, wouldn’t open the door and scare them!
    That’s the truth but I got the good old…. ohhhh, uh huh suuuuuuuuure! when I called in to say I was going to be late!

  137. One of my employees said they got too overheated in the shower. The same employee said her bike was stolen (she rode it to work), but she then remembered she had parked it somewhere else. And the same employee said she was hit by a bicyclist while walking to work.

  138. At a previous job I worked with a woman who was rather late. I called to check on her and she didn’t say she would come in late, but rather called in sick because she locked herself IN the house and couldn’t find her keys. She claimed to have one of those deadbolts that requires a key on both sides. I was ticked cuz I hadn’t thought of it first. LOL!

  139. I told my manager one time that I was having breakfast with his wife and thats why I was late. Needless to say, I was fired two days later. But the look on his face when he asked why I was late was priceless when he heard my response. If you like your job I dont suggest saying that. Fortunately for me, I didnt like my job and had another one lined up

  140. I decided I wasn’t going to go in, so I called and told them the truth. I was fired, but I had another job lined up already that is why I was honest.

  141. Someone broke into my sisters apartment yesterday and took all her underwear, So I had to go over this morning to check out her apartment

  142. I hate to admit this, but the dog swollowing the cell phone could happen. My puppy is only 5 months old and she will try to eat anything. Linda, I can totally see the keys in the fridge. I am a firefighter and thats a common joke at the firehouse, someone is always finding there car keys in a cup of frozen water in the freezer when there trying to go home at the end of the shift.

  143. One of my co-workers couldn’t match her shoes to her outfit. ANother time she over slept. She had to be at work at 1:00 p.m.

  144. My best excuse and it was true that both the dog and cat decided they needed better vision. The cat literally chewed up my new $435 glasses frames to the point they were not even wearable or repairable and the puppy decided he wanted “inner vision” and literally ate my contact lenses, case and all……
    Funny thing was, they were up on a table I assumed they could not reach. Kitty figured if he was gonna get into mischief he may as well have a sidekick.
    The boss laughed about it..

  145. We’ve had several of our employee’s call to tell us their car had been stolen. One worker called at 9pm and said she couldnt make it to her 10pm shift because her pipes had frozen and she had to get them fixed immediately. Another hit her head on the way out, it hurt so bad she took pain pills and sat down for a bit, then woke up a few hours later (after her shift).

  146. employee said his canary got out of its cage and spent the night perched on the button of his alarm clock preventing the clock alarm from going off.

  147. “I got locked in my apartment…”

    Believe it or not, I got locked in my 6th floor apartment once. The mechanism in the deadbolt broke, and I couldn’t open it. My boss told me that was the most creative excuse he had ever heard!

  148. I live on a farm, and yes I have been late to work because the cows/ and or horse got loose. However my boss also lives on a farm, and understands completely.

  149. I was late once because I hopped off the bus to help a blind lady across the street. She was confused by construction barricades on the sidewalk, and nobody was stopping to help her, even those walking past her! Since I had to wait for the next bus, I was late. My boss did not believe my story, and I lost my job.

  150. Just before going to work, I was feeding my fishes. I had a can of fish flakes and my car keys(the new kind, just a box)in the same hand. As I was shaking the meal, I accidentally dropped the ignition key into the fish tank. Well, my fishes are miniature piranha, so I can’t just stick my had in there and get it out. It took time to fish it out of there with a coat hanger, because there is nothing to hook, that a coat hanger would fit.

  151. A lady at work kept coming in late. When the boss questioned her, she said her alarm clock wasn’t plugged all the way into the wall, so it kept running slow.

  152. I had an employee tell me that she was late because the Starbucks she normally goes to was out of skim milk, so she had to go a few more blocks down to find one that had skim left for her latte.

  153. While working security I had an employee state he was going to be late because “my wife is going to be impregnated and I want to be there when it happens”

  154. My sister is a manager at a Distribution warehouse. She says a female associate told her she could not make it in to work that day because she had prostate cancer. My sister asked her if she even knew what a prostate was. The associate said no. My sister informed her it was an organ that only males had. The associate suddenly went into remission. Imagine that.

  155. I drove to our old office and then remembered we’d moved last week. Good thing the old office is close to the new one.

  156. I had an employee call in to tell me she couldn’t afford to come to work. I had another say she couldn’t come in because her equalibrium was off. This same person also called in and said she couldn’t make it because she forgot to put her mascara on.

  157. I had 2 employees that had gone to Canada the night before, then called and told me that the border gaurds would not allow them back into the country; they had to sober up first.

  158. I once woke to find a wet baby possum in my toilet, had to call my son in law to get it out, and STILL made it to work on time!!! I took pix of the little sucker too!!! being an office manager, I got lots of excuses for being late, and always told everbody that they had to top the possum for it to be acceptable…people were late ONCE, but seldom twice!!!

  159. hey, honestly i was late to work one time cause my car door REALLY did fall off. The wind blew it and bent it and then the cause of it being slammed so many times trying to get it to actually shut broke the hinges right off. i had to bungi cord the doors together to drive and get it fixed.

  160. My dentist’s assistant told me yesterday that she was late because they turned on the sprinklers at her apartment and her dog wouldn’t go to the bathroom on the wet ground.

  161. Many years ago I was in an very stressful job situation and one morning – I was supposed to be in an 8am meeting- I got up, got dressed, got on to the metro, walked into my office when the phone was ringing. I answered – it was one of my coworkers wanting to know where I was, It was 8:15 am and I was to be in that meeting but yet I was still at home in my bed answering my phone.
    It was all a dream, and yes I was late. Just wanted to share that strange things can really happen. It only happened once to me though.

  162. We had an employee call into the office to say she couldn’t go to work because half of her tracks were not in and she needed to get her “hair did”.

  163. I had a supervisor call in sick stating he had a problem with his eyes.
    “He just couldn’t see coming to work,” that day. He was asked to step down upon his return to work.

  164. Wow, I can only assume that either msn is getting desperate for articles…or the attempt at dumbing down of our society has actually worked.

  165. My wife is having a baby! He used this excuse 4 times in 1 year.
    My grandmother died. He used this excuse 10 times.
    The drawbridge was stuck. We had not had an operating drawbridge, since the new 4 lane permanent bridge had been built several years before.

  166. I am a morning person. I get up every morning or most work morning at 5 AM, the latest 5:30 AM, but I don’t haveto be work until 8. But I have three right now four dogs to let out for potty, and feed. I like to turn on the TV and catch up on the latest from the night before or early morning. I like to sit down and have coffee or hot tea, even something cold to drink. I carry my breakfast and lunch most days, because I can’t afford to buy them but on ocassion. I do not like to rush getting ready. I usually in the shower between 6 and 6:15 and leave for work around 7:00 to 7:15. I don’t want to start my day off with stress. I’m also in bed most nights even weekends by 9 or a little after, sometimes 10. Life is already so hectic and stressed, that I don’t want the added stress. I’m about 15 to 20 minutes from work driving. It just takes some training and discipline to make you life less stressed. And I like my “me time”.

  167. A co-worker said she was late because her car had a flat tire and her husband has Dyslexia and didn’t know which way to turn the lug wrench.

  168. I worked with a “professional” who didn’t last long in my office. Some of her excuses were:

    -stepsister in jail

    -fell asleep at lunchtime and didn’t return for a day and a half

    -waiting for the cable guy

    -there was a crime scene in her parking lot and she couldn’t leave

    -going to the DMV twice

    -pulled a butt muscle

    -had the swine flu

    -burnt her hand

    -worst female problems of her life

    -pulled her back “out”

    -went to the president’s inaugeration

    Sadly, this is only a small representation of her excuses. She only lasted 18 months and who knows why they kept her that long.

  169. My ex husband was late for work one morning because he couldn’t find his keys. We finally found them in the front door the 2nd time they were in the car ignition. That was when we realized he had been walking in his sleep.

  170. I will never, ever, call in sick if I am not ill. I will never, ever lie. If a “mental health” day is necessary, I have no problem calling my employer being honest about it. ” I feel fine. I just dont feel I am able to come in to work today.
    I dont enjoy being lied to, and I believe being honest is the best way to keep my fat out of the fire. My employer seems to appreciate the efforts.

  171. EMPLOYEE: “i cannot come in i can’t see my ass!”

    BOSS “you can’t see your ass”

    EMPLOYEE: “yeah i can’t see my ass coming in!”

  172. A moose kicked my dog and I had to take him to the vet.

    I heard this while interning in Northern Idaho and it turned out to be completely true.

  173. During the (first) Persian Gulf conflict, I had an airman tell me he stapped at a convenience store to get a drink on the way to work and the guy behind the counter surrendered to him.

  174. I fell down the steps into a mudhole and had to change clothes.
    My daughter threw up on me so I had to change clothes.
    I had two flat tires.
    I locked my keys in the car.
    I ran over our dog and had to bury it so my kids wouldn’t know.

  175. My dog ate my apron.
    My mom died, and then the mother picks them up from work.
    My grandma died (three times in one year wow).
    I stopped for gas and drove away with the nozzle.
    You never called to wake me up!

  176. I think everyone shoud stop whinning, go to bed early and get up early and work all day! Or else you should move to Europe and become a Euro pansie!

  177. I had employee call in sick because his dog ate something that didn’t agree with him, and was experiencing anal bleeding.

  178. Had a vendor late to a meeting and his excuse was “My bull got loose and was eating my wife’s Hyacinth’s” so I had to catch him and re-pen him”.

  179. Losing an hour in the spring is the lamest excuse. That simply means you stayed up an hour later than you should have to get 8 hours,or whatever, sleep that you’re used too.

  180. “I had to stop to get gas. When I got to the gas station I realized I forgot my wallet. I didn’t have enough gas to get home to get my wallet so I had to bum money from the other people at the gas station until I got enough to fill my tank with enough gas to get to work.”

    From a guy I work with. He is frequently late, but this was probably my favorite excuse.

  181. I had an employee tell me that her 2-year old daughter woke up with ants all over her body and her crib, so she needed to stay home to take care of her daughter (alongside her mother, the child’s grandmother, who is the normal caregiver while the employee is at work).

  182. It’s always the dog…he’s so slow to pick a spot to do his business. Sometimes he pretends he has to by sniffing the ground and when I look his eyes are actually focused on some critter somewhere in the far distance. I finally learned that if I just walk him and he doesn’t resist then he doesn’t have to go; he definitely resists when he does! There were times when he would delay me by 30 minutes…no more. I now make my boyfriend walk him in the morning as he doesn’t have a tight work schedule!

  183. I could not convince myself early enough that I really do need my job and therefore, have to put up with all the work drama.

  184. No Excuse but just for the hell of it to see what co-workers respond, I used; I was having Kinky sex with my neighbors wife and lost track of time. I had no comments from them. :) Another excuse I used is I had Bad Diareah this morning :)

  185. First off you should have paid attention in your history class. Work used to start no later than 6am and you were lucky to get out by 6pm.
    2nd if you were late you did not have a job.

  186. Honestly, I was told this. “I was kiddnapped this weekend and taken against my will by two men to New York City”.
    As she sat there telling me this I noticed that she was wearing a “I Love New York” tee shirt.
    Terminated.

  187. One of my female coworkers was late almost every day last year. Her excuse was that she makes her husband coffee and his lunch every morning. The problem was she lives in Michigan and he was working in Arizona.

  188. I had an employee tell me that her 2-year old daughter work up with ants all over her body and crib, so she had to stay home and take care of her, alongside her mother, who she lived with and normally took care of her daughter while was at work.

  189. My husband once had an employee’s sister call in and say the employee couldn’t come to work that morning because she was “dead.” (She wasn’t really dead – not even sick – just wanted to stop coming to work!)

  190. Once upon a time my boss came into my office and asked me why I was late. He knew I was late because his car was right behind mine in traffic. That meant, hey, wait for it… that he was late, too. Right?

    I quit not too long after that.

  191. We had a employee that was always late with numerous excuses! However our favorite excuse was:

    My headboard on the bed had my alarm clock on it and the whole headboard fell off in the middle of the night so when the alarm went off in the morning I did not hear it.

  192. Seriously, today, the dog was sleeping on my cell phone so I did not hear it go off, I missed my first bus, the second bus was delayed due to traffic. I totally sympathize with the keys being in the refrigerator. That really happened to me too. Generally if I can’t find my keys I leave without locking the door, then have to call my husband from the bus to return home to lock the door.

  193. Keep in mind that those who use “the flu” or “a stomach flu” need to know that the real and actual flu season is well defined throughout the world. Acquiring the flu in July, in the Northern Hemisphere and using it as an excuse does not wash!

    Just state that you ate some bad food or need the day off.

    Honesty can never bite you back. Never, never LIE.

  194. true story….my boyfriends dog chewed his cell phone!!! Lucky his is in business for himself so he only had to give me the excuse!!

  195. Someone once told me that they were standing on their bed when they lost their balance and fell backwards into the tank where they kept a pet snake and injured their back.

  196. In the navy on shore duty years ago, a guy who was never late, one day did not show up. When he came in his excuse was he was dreaming he was out of the navy and the dream was so real that when his alarm went off, he thought he had no where to be so he rolled over and went back to sleep.
    Had to give him an “A” for originality.

  197. I had an employee tell me she couldn’t come to work because she had lost one of her seven different mascaras that she applied daily – there was no way she could leave the house without having put on the lengthening mascara.
    Huh!

  198. The best one I heard was when one of my employees came from the doctor after a recent trip to the PI. He had problems performing and asked the doctor to take a look. The doctor gave him a shot and he was up all day and could not come to work (second shift) like that. LOL!!!

  199. I actually have dreamt I was already at work more then once in the past!

    Normally, when you hit the snooze button you still know in the back of your head that you need to get up. When you are dreaming you are already at work you have no such voice telling you to get up. It is quite insidious of your brain to do…

  200. a employee of mine who worked graveyard used this. i went to the gastation to fill the car with gas, went back to the drivers seat to wait for it to fill. the next thing i know i woke up and it was morning.

  201. I once heard about a coworker who called in saying that she had a flat tire, and she never showed up for work that day. On another occasion, she had run out of gas, and never showed up for work. On another occasion, her car wouldn’t start, so she had no way to get to work. Needless to say, her employment didn’t last too long (neither did her car, I presume)!

  202. It was a really hot morning…so much so that the pavement heated up and expanded making my 20 mile trip to work, 25 miles which made me 5 minutes late.

  203. Sorry I’m late, boss. I had to run to the river to fish out my bus ticket, run back, then I missed the bus, then my friend Seth invited me to breakfast, where I missed the bus AGAIN, then my dog Pickle needed to pee (which always leads to a 7-mile walk), then luckily, I coughed up my car keys. The only problem was my car was filled with Jell-O and out of gas. I ran to the gas stop, got fuel, ran back, and filled the tank up. After removing the Jell-O with a jackhammer, I had diarrhea and had to take half a bottle of Pepto-Bismol. But I had none. So I went to the store and bought some, then chugged it there. When I got home, Pickle had to pee again. After that, I drove to work to explain this crazy day to you.

  204. a coworker has a new one every week, here are the latest…
    1) my car was surrounde by emergency equipment responding to and incident and i could not move
    2) my basement flooded (had not rained in days)
    3) i had to sew my sons scout patches on his shirt and i lost the patches
    4) i had to take a detour and got lost – didn’t know how to use the gps
    5) the trash truck broke down behind my car and i could not back out

  205. Our Goat ate the electrical wires under my truck and I didn’t have any headlights, turn signals, or brake lights. This is a true story. This goat ate everything he could get ahold of. There was one little wire showing under the front bumper of my truck and he decided to make a meal of it and several others. Luckily, my mechanically inclined husband was able to fix it the same day. My Boss believed me, but I had to put up with a lot of joking and laughter the next day. Of course this made the goat an instant celebrity and everyone in my office wanted to see it.

  206. “I had other things to do” Said that right up to the point we fired her. She said she did not understand why we were firing her just because she other things to do.

  207. I was a supervisor at a manfucaturing plant. It was a bright sunny 62 degrees one morning when I received a call from one of my employees. His excuse: My water pipes have frozen. Yea right!

  208. A girl in our office has pretty much used them all, my favorite was the day she didn’t call in and hours later she shows up and tells everyone that she had locked her self in the garage with her car running in the drive way where her purse and phone were. She had to use a hammer to beat a hole in the door between the garage and the house in order to get out. The best part of this story is abut a week later, she used the same excuse of locking herself in the garage again!

  209. Not an excuse for being late . but one for the day off…. Had a sailor tell me his
    “one armed sister was arriving at the airport with two suitcases and needed the day off to help her with her luggage.”

  210. EXCUSES FOR BEING LATE OR NOT SHOWING UP TO WORK:

    ~ I had to kill ants.

    ~ When I come to work everyone has an attitude (with me) so I decided it’s best if I stay home.

    ~ I can only make left turns but I have to make a right to get to work.

  211. My hair was still wet when I left the house and it froze to my head so I had to stop and have it blow-dried at a salon or I would have died.

  212. I had a young man call in and say his ‘spleen’ hurt. I asked him if he even knew his spleen was. I let him have the night off for his originality and laugh-factor.

  213. I know this is hard to believe but I work part-time for the CIA and I had an overnight mission to Somalia so try explaining that to your shift manager at taco bell.

  214. I once worked with a woman who called out sick on Monday because she was at the beach over the weekend and got sunburned.

    She had a habit of calling out on Mondays, even though she had only been working here about 2 months. One of her other excuses for not coming in what that she helped her brother-in-law move and threw her back out.

  215. I once called in late to work because my bra was in the dryer. I was not lieing my boss believed me I whear a 36DDD! He asked me not to come in without one on it would be a distraction LOL!

  216. I actually had a very bright 4 year old she is now 12. She would hide my car keys the ngiht before. One time, it took almost 45 minutes to find the keys in the freezer by the ice cream. She figured no keys than mommy would stay home.
    Best excuse — my boyfirend handcuffed himselft to me and we cannot find the key. A photo was provided via cell phone.

  217. As for people being habitually late, there is no excuse for it whatsoever. When I managed restaurants, I fired many employees for that. To be late occasionally because of an emergency is ok, but when it happened nearly every day I had no tolerance for it. For those who have touble getting up in the mornings, GO TO BED AT A DECENT HOUR! If you try it a few times, it will make the mornings much easier.

  218. I had an employee call stating that he had filed a missing turtle report
    with the local police for his pet turtle “snappy”. Stated the police had called
    and located his turtle in a lady’s driveway. They told him to come the get now.

    You can’t make this stuff up or can you?

  219. On my way to work I began to see dead people and had to go see a shrink, would have called to say I was late but the dead people told me your an evil evil man.

  220. I used to work in a high-end electronics store… the ONLY acceptable reason for being late was morning sex… lol… as long as your significant other called in and explained it while you were on your way in and you brought a round of coffees, all was forgiven… car trouble, alarms, and all other excuses were unacceptable

  221. one of my employees always has a different exuse and uses them often
    here are a few of them

    I forgot my work clothes and had to call my boyfriend to bring them to the bus stop. It took him a while to get here and that is why I was late. I couldnt call you because I also forgot my cell phone (ummm see the discrepancy here)

    I was late today because I wanted to fix my hair.

    I went through the drive through on the way to work.

  222. I was late morethan once when I had to catch an milk cow, that just didnt want to get milked. It must have sounded weird to my boss when Id say .had to catch Bossy to get her milked.

  223. A construction crew was repairing a water line under the street in front of my house so thier was a twelve foot deep hole at the end of my driveway and apparently they “left a note” for me to park elsewhere but i never saw it. So i called in and said i coulndt make it because of a gigantic hole at the end of my driveway. After a year im still hearing about it from fellow co workers

  224. My dog locked me in the bathroom. (The sad part of this is that it was a real reason – my dog really DID lock me in the bathroom.)

  225. There was one person that came into work and said they got pulled over by a cop, the cop searched their car, and they found pot in the trunk (apparently the employee’s “brother” put it there)

  226. The lamest excuse that I’ve heard was that an employee’s car broke down. Problem? They didn’t own a car or even have a drivers license they were new to the state and took the bus. Imagine what happened when they came back to work.

  227. A tree was blocking the road. It was a day after a fierce storm. Later on the radio it was reported that a tree did fall on the car and blocked traffic.

  228. Years ago I had a mini-farm for the kids, and, one winter I couldn’t open the front door to go to work because a cow chip had frozen in front of the storm door!!! TRUTH.

  229. True Story. I had a mental breakdown in front of my closet. I could not, for the life of me, decide what to wear. I was about 7 minutes late and told the truth about my tardiness. The boss was not amused.

  230. “The tire fell off my car while I was on the highway.” – Chances are your car would need a lot of work after this one, but she was in (miraculously) on-time the next day with no car trouble or signs of the traumatic experience. Hmmm.. ;)

  231. I live in a rural area in Missouri and one year we had longhorn steer on our property. One morning I was leaving for work and saw that one of the calves was outside the fence and not inside. So I had to call in to work and say I would be late for work because I had to round up the calf and put it back in the pasture. This is no joke.

  232. one of my co-workers is constantly late or calls in to work at least 2-3 times a week.. and it’s never just a few minutes, i’m talking about her coming in at 1pm and expecting to take a break an hour later, then comes up with an excuse to leave early.

  233. I had an employee tell me that the reason he was late was due to saving a stranger from drowning after he watched the strangers boat fill with water sink and then be swept down the river in a fast current. He said he jumped in pulled the stranger out of the water however, the issue that made him late was not the saving of the stranger it was him having to return home to change into dry clothes.

  234. I had one employee say “I cant find my other shoe” and one other say “I cant come in, there is ice on the road” He lived across the street.

  235. Last year one of my people told me:

    I was late because I sent to my Grandmother funeral (This was the third time this guy went to his Grandma funeral over the years !!!)

  236. I had both my tires slashed ( so I couldnt put the spare on it)
    I was pulled over an searched
    I got in a fight bc the person was swearing at my gf
    Morning sex at the time my gf was my boss
    my beagle got loose
    I stepped in dog do do
    the best part is all these are true and the only reason I was late. the worst part was I got fired bc of the fight

  237. Last year one of my people told me:

    I was late because I went to my Granmother funeral (This was his third time over the years that this guy went to his Grandma funeral !!!)

  238. Have gotten: I had a migraine, no gas in my car, car wouldn’t work, had no alternate ride, just too tired, had a meeting with an attorney, no a.c. in their car and had a job interview. People will continue to give excuses as long as people allow them to get away with them. Suck it up and be the jerk that calls them on it. Let’s take back our dignity & balls!

  239. The only clothes I had to wear to work were wrinkled and I couldn’t find my iron. I finally found it in the fridge where I accidentally put it last time I used it.

  240. I have worked at several different places and of all of those places I’ve worked at I have heard the SAME excuses of co-workers on why they didn’t show or on why they were late. It’s very weird on how so many people in alot of different work places come up with the same excuse. It’s like these popular excuses have the similar power as the common cold. They spread like crazy. I have the TOP 4 excuses of all time that I have heard employees come up with on why they were late or why they didn’t show up.

    1.) I woke up and my car had a flat tire or I had car trouble
    2.) My grandma died or she’s in the hospital and I had to be there
    3.) I had to go out of town
    4.) My alarm didn’t go off or I overslept

  241. Well here is one for you. This is coming from one of our employees. Her grandmother has died, I know, three times just since I have worked here the past 5 years. Duh!

  242. I was late and a supervisor of 20+ years askd why. I told him i had car trouble. this was not good enough, i believe he said “not original”. I told him to make up his own lie. After 15 minutes he came over and said he really needed something to write on the attendance sheet. I thought for a minute and gave him the truth. ” I was unavoidable detained by a female”. After lunch the supervisor came over to me and said that personel would not accept the reason for bieng tardy. He told me that he rewrote the attendance sheet and stated the reason as “car trouble”.

  243. i was all made up, hair done and ready to go, at the last minute, i leaned into the tub run the water a bit to rinse down the tub and clean the drain..the shower was on and wrecked my hair and makeup and drenched my blouse.

  244. While in the mountains of Colorado, we had a real estate woman say she was late because a moose was in her driveway and she couldn’t get her car out.

  245. I used this one,and it was really true. I’m running late,bear and her cubs are out it the cal-de-sac cubs are tossing the garbage all over the place. Why can’t I just get into the truck and drive pass or threw them? Mommy bear is in the bed of truck watching them. Sure was the camera wasn’t on the seat of the truck.

  246. week 1: my wife has cervical cancer
    week 2: my wife was misdiagnosed she has HPV
    week 3: my wife has leukimia of the blood like her mother
    week 4: my wife’s mother had a stroke
    week 5: my wife might be pregnant

    the only person more idiotic that the lying employee is the employer who puts up with it.

  247. My son got bit by a donkey. Yes, it was true. On a Sunday my son was visiting his grandmother who lived on a farm. He went out to pet the donkey and it bit his hand but it wasn’t bad. The next morning he had a red streak running up his arm so I took him to the doctor and he had to get a tetnus shot. I got a lot of laughs when I had to call work and his school saying ” My son won’t be in because he got bit by a donkey”.

  248. I had an employee tell me that she just got her nails done and didn’t want to smudge them so she couln’t leave on time

  249. “The question is not ‘Why am I late?’ The question is ‘Why are all of you so early?’”

    Actually, I gave this excuse. As a presenter I understand, if one is going to show up late for an audience, (s)he had better do so with a good one-liner. That particular line worked wonderfully with that particular audience. Tis better to show up on time, however.

  250. Linda, that actually happened to me one time. I had gotten groceries the night before and put a bag of meat in the freezer right when I walked in the door and put my car keys in there as well!!!!

  251. I turned the car on so it would warm up, forgot that I did that and spent 40 mins looking for the car keys inside the house …. wasted time and gas, aarggh !!

  252. my heart says leave this topic alone; my fingers and brain is going on with this artical.i am not a morng person therefore i work from home.i ask myself if you are constantly tardy for work do you want the job?

  253. In high school when I was on the track team my coach asked me why I missed practice the day before and I told him it was because I was hungry so I went home to eat. He said in all his time coaching he never heard that excuse before. “I was hungry.”

  254. The best excuse for being late was made by my mate! He told everyone he was late ‘because Aliens stole his dinner money!’ he was actually late ‘cos he had spent his money in th etuck shop on the way to school!

  255. My phone is my alarm clock – my cat threw up on it and ruined it. Therefore, I didn’t hear an alarm and I couldn’t call in to tell my supervisor I was running behind because it didn’t work.

  256. I used this one which is true. We had an ice storm once where I lived that stuck to everything even my car. I knew it was frozen over though so when I woke up the next morning I called up my boss from my cell phone and said I couldn’t get to work because I couldn’t get in my car because it was frozen. Since I was still inside I got on my computer and found sound effects for an ice scraper and played them while I was making the call. Then I went back to bed. I had a legitimate reason for doing this. I didn’t want to step outside into the cold to prove it and really wake myself up only to be able not to go to work and also not able to go back to sleep. Three hours later when I finally woke up I had an errand to run and went out to my car and as I suspected it was frozen shut. It took me the better part of an hour to get inside it and even longer to clear the windows to a safe point of driving.

    I thought my idea of using sound effects was worth sharing though. :)

  257. Had an employee that was young and called in one day saying she was at a party the night before and didny know where the party was and she left her shoes there so she couldnt come in to work .

  258. I had an employee call and say that the town he lived in, had just put booster pumps on the citys water supply and the increase in pressure caused his hot water tank to explode, blowing out the bottom of the tank!!! I just simply made a call to the town in which he resided and asked the city manager if they had done such improvements on the water pumps, obviosly they hadnt. But I didnt terminate him, just asked him to be honest in the future..

  259. Just this past Monday, an employee told me her car was towed and now she has missed the last two days because the tow company ruined the transmission of her car.

  260. This one wasn’t late – she never came in at all. The following was the email she sent: “Due to one too many beers last night, I’m feeling pretty bloody seedy, so I’m not going to come in today, but if you need me (which you probably won’t, it’s pretty quiet) call me at home.” Need I say she knew in advance she was on her way out the door with her job.

  261. I was late for work because there was a herd of sheep going down the road and I couldn’t get around them. My supervisor looked at me pretty funny when I told him that story. At least I had taken some video with my cell phone to prove it.

  262. I can sympathize.

    My Dad bought a new car once and a door fell off the day afte he bought it. Too, on the morning of 9/11/2001 my wife and I were sleeping on the floor as we were remodeling our bedroom. During the night I guess the dog decided to drink the water in the glass where my false teeth were, knocked the glass over and I woke to the sound of crunch, crunch. My dog was eating my teeth.
    he joys of being a dog owner!

  263. Of course the real excuse is that you hate your job and don’t want to see the idiots at work anymore, whom you see more than the people you actually love and care about.

  264. I had an employee’s wife send her hubby to work late with the message she wrote, he was late because the cat couldn’t urinate! (The union saved his job for him)

  265. I once heard a coworker explain to my boss that her puppy had thrown up all over her work clothes and that she didn’t have anything else to wear so she had to wash new clothes before coming to work and that’s why she was late!! I thought it was pretty funny.

    I also heard the same girl tell our boss that she was 3 hours late.. because she had a scary dream and she couldn’t snap out of it!!
    Let’s just say she didn’t work with me after that. haha :) Sorry Jesika!

  266. One of the vehicles an employee owned transmission failed and she HAD to accompany her spouse to pick up the replacement. She couldn’t explain why he couldn’t go by himself.

  267. “My wife needed emergency surgery at the hospital.” Unfortunately this employee has never been married and has said so in the office.

  268. It is common for me to check mi internet stuff on mornings, but sometimes I lost track of the time while doing it ( even computer breakdowns got me late!), and I get behind on other chores I have to do before getting ready to go to my job; it is like a chain of reaction that trigers several reasons for being late on average three times a week!, and I have ‘em all: keys lost, last minute flat tire change,ruined breakfast,spills, kitchen accidents, disscutions with my wife,late wake up,alarm did not work,tireness,dentist visit took longer than expected,waiting on others urgencies,unschedule compromises,other people asking me for favors just before I leave (those are the worst),giving a emergency ride to somebody who is also “getting late” to his duties,and more..unfortunallly this situations are like a vicious circle that have to be neutralized all the time by my readinessl, otherwise they would not let me go to work in peace, and yes,sometimes I get on time or earlier to my workplace, and that particular sight from my supervisor….., I don’n get.

  269. I had employeee call and say they would be late because they had to watch their niece until someone came to get her. Then called back and said she couldn’t come in, because nobody picked up the niece.

  270. “I drove the wrong car”. I got part way to work and realized I drove the wrong car and had to go back home to get the other car. I had to leave the car that the baby seat fits in.

  271. I think it’s stupid to terminate an employee that it’s doing his/her work perfectly fine just because it’s late. You can have someone working for you that it’s always on time and do NOTHING the whole day. To me, you have to weight your employees for the work they do and not for the time they get to work

  272. I eventually terminated an employee who had stated she dreamdt I had fired her and she did not show up for work. Dreams do come true.

  273. My coworker, years ago, called in that she would be late because she sprayed her hair with “scrubbing bubbles” instead of hairspray.

  274. I have heard the keys in the refrigerator, too! Good one! :)

    On a very windy day, a jokester once told me that he woke up and saw a cow fly by his window and thought he was dreaming so he went back to sleep! Right! :)

  275. Lets see here…well I have plenty, I’m horrible at being punctual, I do try though:
    I had to get gas, I didn’t realize I was on “E”; I wouldn’t have made to work w/o the gas, lol.
    Sorry lost track of the time, I was with a study group studying for our next exam.
    But as you mentioned earlier, my all time favorite, “TRAFFIC”

  276. A few weeks ago I was late to work when I had left a 3 lb roast overnight in the sink to thaw. I got up in the morning to find that my 2 yr old male cat had got the roast out of the sink, had punctured the bag so there was blood all over my kitchen floor, cabinets, and counter. Of course it probably took 30 minutes to clean all the mess up, and then I hit every stinkin red light and got stopped behind a couple of school buses on my way to work!

  277. Our Sales Manager called in Sick once saying that her Eyes were swollen shut!!! Never did find out how she found her phone to call the office.

  278. Someone was robbing my house as I woke up in the morning. So I had to take care of that with the police which took a few hours.

  279. I work out every morning before work, and am typically 20 to 30 minutes late 3 or 4 times a week. One excuse I have used is that a member at my gym accidentally spilled his protein shake all over my work clothes, making me have to go back home and change.

  280. i have the voicemail to prove it- an employee called to let me informed that he was stuck in his gargage and would not be able to make it in.

  281. 1. Dead car battery. 2. Sheetz was making a fresh pot of coffee and I had wait. 3. Spilled coffee on my pants and had to turn around and go home to change clothes!

  282. Funny thing is on a camping trip I lost my trailer keys and when we finally found them, they really were in the fridge…LOL never late to work because of it though.

  283. During peak season, I had an employee call and say they couldn’t come in because they couldn’t find a PARKING space! Needless to say, that employee was not welcomed back!

  284. This one actually happened to me last week.. I was late cause i was puking cause my husband cooked and gave me food poisoning!!! so i went out and bought him a beginners cookbook.. was politically incorrect so can’t tell you the name of it.. but google “whipped and beaten culinary works” to find it.. really reflected how i felt about him..

  285. I had a person tell me that they called me to say they were goin to be late but when I asked why wasn’t there a record of the call on my caller id they then said that they must have called someone else with the same name.

  286. I was late once because I had to get my cat out of a tree, and when I climbed the ladder to get him, he leaped onto my face causing my chin to cut open. I had to go get 2 shots and stitches…

  287. I can’t believe some of these excuses, but I about died laughing on number#5 “I dreamt I was already at work”..that has actualy happened to me more than once!!!! lol I too have heard many strange excuses in my time like; I locked my keys in my car…….I thought it was saturday……to many to list!

  288. A father called me to say his daughter(my employee) along with her mother had just fell down an elevator shaft and she was going to be 15 min late.

  289. Hi – this is nothing about the article… I just wanted to know if the dog in the picture is a Wheaten-Poodle? He looks EXACTLY like mine – down to his nose and eyes… and I’ve never seen another dog look so much like mine!!

  290. I was told once that on the way to work they stopped the train because a lady was giving birth. So the next day when he was late again his excuse was the lady that gave birth the day before invited everyone on the train to her house for breakfast. lol

  291. At least those people thought enough to make up an excuse even if it is not a good one. How about the excuse of “I don’t know”. How do you not know why you were late……

  292. This is not a lie….. my pet skunk got killed by a car when he ran away! I had been 3 days on a new job and my pet skunk broke out and was hit by a car. I thought I’d never live that one down.

  293. If you are late if because you don’t care. For me being on time everywhere is very important because I appreciate my time and others people time. You are paid to work certain time and the employer count on you for that. That’s why we have so much technology: phones, alarm clocks, tv, etc to wake you up.

  294. I locked myself out of the house (leaving my keys inside). My alarm clock is 15 years old its batteries keep dying. My roomate’s dog ran off down the street as i was trying to leave. I had an allergic reaction to my breakfast. my car wouldnt start. I slipped getting out of the shower and wask knocked unconcious for an hour. my kitchen was on fire because my roomate left her ciggeratte on the counter next to the paper towels.

    All this has happened to me. I am what you call Murphy’s Law.
    Anything that can go wrong. Will go wrong.
    I have had to explain all these mishaps to different bosses and everyone of them believed me because I usually looked like hell those days. :)

  295. The cat exploded out of both ends on my couch right as I was walking out the door, I couldn’t just leave it all there. Sadly – this might be an excuse but it really has happened. More than once. I hate that damn cat.

  296. I just heard this one yesterday “My dog got sick on my face and I had to go to the hospital to get my stomach pumped.”

    I said it would be okay, if he could show me medical proof. He changed his story.

  297. My co-worker didn’t come to work AT ALL the other day because she bit her tongue. I asked her if it was completely gone and she said “haha. No.” REALLY! I bit my tongue WHILE at work before. It hurt, but I stayed!

  298. The best excuse I have ever been givin was a former employee who called in.
    Claiming he had took a “Viagra” and that his erection would not go down. But was kind enough to inform me he was hard at work to relieve this problem and would come in if he could.

  299. I heard this conversation and couldnt help but laugh out loud:
    boss: Hey, why were you late?
    employee: I was at a funeral.
    boss: Im so sorry! Who died?
    employee: My pet iguana.

  300. I came across a Motorcycle accident and took the victim & his bike back home. This actually did happen to me a number of years ago while on my way to work one forsty morning. I got there as he was trying to push his bike back up out of the ditch. We put his bike in the back of my truck and I brought him home to get his car. I was given the time from work rather than being considered late they paid me for the hour i was late.

  301. Funny and very true…..My infant was sitting on the carpet when she had an explosion in her diaper, thus getting it all over the carpet. Had to clean baby and carpet up before rushing to work. Was just a few minutes late, thankfully!

  302. I was tardy for work once because a mouse was in my living room. The mouse in the living room was stuck in a mouse trap alive and bleeding. It was dragging itself across the floor getting blood on the floor. Gross!! I had to clean it up and the enough courage to clean up the mess.

  303. My daughter arrived home after work to find little puddles of purple vomit in several places. Upon investigating she discovered her beloved yorkie had eaten what was left of blackberries left on the bar, compliments of her son, Jarad. Seems as though Chelsea can jump up on the barstools and can help herself to whatever is on it.
    Dana was in a panic, immediately calling her vet. She said, “my dog ate blackberries! Are they poisoness? ” The receptionist was shocked, and said, “the batteries to the Blackberry too?” My daughter was incredulous, alarmed at the laughing she heard in the background, and demanded to know what was so funny about her dog being poisoned? Seems the young lady thought she meant the dog ate her Blackberry cell phone! P.S. she didn’t use this as an excuse for being late, but it would be a good one! And for anyone’s information, blackberries are not poisoness if eaten by dogs, but blueberries are.

  304. I was throwing out the trash on the way to my car and my keys got caught on the bag and went into the dumpster, too.

    (The sad thing is, this is true. After my fiance went dumpster diving for my keys I disenfected them and went to work. Everyone had a nice laugh at my expense. Now I rarely take out the trash in the morning and when I do my keys are in the OTHER hand.)

  305. I had a co-worked who was late everyday but his excuses were so classic they kept him to keep us amused. My favorite was ‘While hurrying to be on-time he turned off his alarm and opened the refrigerator at the same time. Unfortunately, this caused the refrigerator to tip over on top of him and he was trapped. He had to pound Morse Code on the floor until the people in the apartment below until could rescue him.

    Don’t you hate it when that happens.

  306. Man, I’m never late, I’m not allowed to be.. if I’m not at work a half hour before my start time, I’m late. Well, I guess, I’m late almost every day.. My excuse is “I don’t have to be here until 7:30″ ..

  307. My roommate honestly belives that a ghost kept turning off her alarm clock but her employer (and i) don’t buy it and she wa fired. (i think she just hits the snooze one to manytimes without knowing it)

  308. I worked as a recruiter for a few years and can honestly say I have heard it all. One of my favorites is “I just can’t get there at 8 because I have to wear pantyhose, 8:30 is the earliest I can get there.”

  309. The person said that they were late because when they woke they found their apartment infested with termites. This caused them to flee without a cell phone, which they needed to call in late. Obviously the termite infestation had priority over the job they had, which provided the pay check that covered the cost of the supposed extermiator. I didn’t even know how to respond to this.

  310. I had one employee tell me, “my train de-railed so that’s why I’m late.” It just so happened that several staff members within the company traveled on the same train line at the same time and she was aware of this.

    Same employee took Nyquil and couldn’t wake up. Same employee had to take her dog to the Hospital and have a cast put on its leg (she didn’t own a dog). Same employee’s grandmother died 3 times. Needless to say, she was fired.

  311. In defense of the “My car door fell off” excuse, I have actually had this happen to me. I only had one car (the one with the missing door), and I lived an hour away from my job via highway. Speeds of 70 mph and a missing car door do not go hand in hand. :)

  312. I know my boss thought this was a lame excuse and didn’t believe me, but I was late one morning to work because my boyfriend got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and turned on the space heater in there. My bedroom is on the same circuit as the bathroom, so when he turned on the space heater, there was just way too much for that circuit:

    lamp
    space heater
    alarm clock
    heating blanket
    room light
    bathroom light
    bathroom space heater

    The fuse blew and the power in both the bathroom and bedroom went out. And, of course, my alarm never went off in the morning. I was an hour and a half late. Would have been later except that my dog wouldn’t leave me alone cause he wanted his breakfast.

  313. I feel that being late is not acceptable anywhere. Not work, appointments, meetings, plans with friends or family…..
    Sure i understand it happens sometimes but then you find out the problem, correct it and make sure it doesn’t happen again.
    People are relying on you to be where you said you whould be, when you said you would be there. If you cannot manage that much what good is your word.
    I have been at my current job for 6 years and I have been late once. I was at work on time but when I went to unlock my office door I realized I had the wrong set of keys and had to go back home and get the right ones. I now make sure i have the right ones.
    The lame excusesabout being late becuase you were getting your kids ready or you woke up late are fixable. Wake up earlier to get your kids ready if you know it’s a difficult task and skip breakfast and move fast if you woke up late.
    Comeon people take responsibility for yourself!

  314. my coworkers and I like to call in with an eye problem. It’s for those times when we just can’t see ourselves coming to work…

  315. I had one on my employees call in and tell me he could not come in to work because his wife did not want to watch the 15 year old kid at home today, (she is a stay at home mom & it was spring break time for the kid)

  316. I was late to work once due to a flat tire. When I got to work my boss and co-workers teased me because I’m never late (I’m your typical morning person). They teased, saying “Knowing you, Kelly, you probably did have a flat tire.” insuating that I would make something like that up.

  317. My all time favorite. Friends employee called in naked. Lived in his moms house in upstairs bedroom and in the middle of the night while he was sleeping someone stole all his clothes.

  318. The low excuses in the workplaces are fair results from the new colony and inhuman exploitations enforced by the employers in cooperation with decision/policy makers.

    When dealing with humanbeing, someone is supposed to observe certain decorum and code of conduct.

  319. I could not go to school because it was cute hair day and i don’t know how tofix my hair @14 years old!!! but my nothead fix my hair and he made it freaky looking!!!!!!!!

  320. i left my cell phone on the counter and my dog ate it and then i had to run to work because the repo man came and took my car

  321. I have a friend who was late all the time her excuse was the dog next door is blind and was headen to the cliff so i had to go get him or i was picking berrys and i lost track of time or my clocks right your clock is wrong or i had to go to the doctors for my depo shots or my mon @ dad are out of town and i for got to feed the cats. in the long run she did start geting to work on time after she got the right boyfriend,

  322. its true people get late bz of many excse, bt we need to accept the morng mood is so impotat for da lest of the day.so no excs 4 1 to give wen u reach at working place late bt ua att is accepted as yu carry on ua duty.

  323. Those are lame accuses! Teh biggest accuse you would need would be; My mother had a heart attack,(or dad), there was traffic jam, and most of all,i tripped and fell down the stairs! Those ones are the best.

  324. My latest excuse…..
    Someone changed the the punch clock over night or I wouldn’t be late because when I punched out yesterday my watch was the same time as the punch clock, why would someone want to do something like that??????????

  325. I could not be later if I wanted to. Even if I try to be late, I am still early.
    I’ll be early for my own funeral. By my book there is no excuse for lateness

  326. My child was sick last night, and I knew that I’d have to stay home the next day with them, so I didn’t feel the need to go to bed at my normal time. This morning, my child felt fine, but I didn’t get enough rest, so I am staying home to sleep.

  327. I had an employee who was saving her whole check to pay cash for a new car. the day after she bought it, she called in saying she could not find the light switch to turn on the car’s headlights.

  328. An employee called and said they would be late due to a family emergency…turns out they were auditioning for American Idol!!!

  329. The reason I was late for work? I was locked inside my house and had to call my landlord to climb through my window to dismantle my door from the inside.

  330. 9 to 5? Must be nice! I have an “8 to 5″ job. I’m there before 7 every morning and lucky if I can get out by 5. Where do I find one of those 9 to 5′s? I don’t think they exist in my State.

  331. I was terminated from a career as a computer programmer for being tardy. I had a legitimate excuse, I have a chronic health condition, Multiple Sclerosis. Due to a lame technicality with the paperwork, I lost the case in arbitration, along with my doctor not backing me up. I am now on permanent disability and am no longer able to work. If your employer tries to get you to sign an arbitration agreement, DON’T. Go find another job, arbitration agreements are so unfair to the employee it’s ridiculous.

  332. My Mother has demensia and decided we ran a drive through fast food chain for cats, and had the street window open this morning and was being mauled by feral felines when I woke up.

  333. Had an employee tell me he was at the FBI building being questioned about a matter he would rather not talk about. Unfortunately for him, my spouse works for the FBI and said they hadn’t questioned anyone for weeks!!

  334. Back in about 1980, I had an insurance broker that was usually a half hour late for appointmemts. He was good enough to call and say he was cout in a traffic jam on the 520 floating bride going from Seattle to Bellevue, Washington. He didn’t realize I could see that bridge from my desk! Shame on him!

  335. The best that I received was ” I was picked up and interigated by the CIA about my former boss. When they found out what they wanted, they let me go”. kind of hard to prove and would a new boss really want to?

    The best for not showing up at all was “I cought leprosy and had to be treated”

  336. more than 34% of employers have fired somebody for being late because it is a way to fire you. I was fired for being late, once…in two years. I had an outstanding promotion record over those two years, almost doubled my salary by getting promoted so many times. Sometimes hard workers get put in a place where you nolonger have a spot but were put there to “keep you in the company” then they fire you for some bullshit reason.

  337. “My dog swallowed my cell phone” this one is actually funny because my Great Dane did eat my phone, it is, well was, a nokia Xpress, and any owners of that phone know exactly how small the phone is. Bruce, the Great Dane, swallowed it whole, so I had to call in to take, Bruce to the vet and later have the phone surgically removed.

  338. Just as I was entering the building….a bird let “loose” on my shoulder. Had to in the car and return home to change clothes.

  339. There’s a moose next to my car and I’m waiting for her to move away.
    There’s a bear in my yard and I’m not going out until he leaves.

    (Alaskan excuses—true stories.)

  340. I had an employee tell me once that she had cramps and couldn’t come in until they were gone. I asked if she took any motrin and she said, “yes”, but the cramps are on my left side and it doesn’t work on that side.

    It is funny to me though. When you a manager or business owner you hardly ever or even never, late or sick.

  341. my dog/cat peed on my bed
    my pet escaped from its cage
    my kids broke my alarm clock and i forgot about it
    my car broke down
    my pet had babies

  342. my late uncle use to come up with some pretty interesting excuses. here are my favs: i’m calling in dead today. and one time when we had plans to go to a concert in july: i’m snowed in!

  343. A cop was trying to race me on the freeway so I had to pull over to the side of the road to report him because, you know, it’s illegal to talk on your cell phone while driving in California.