When your boss forgets to be the boss

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bananasI fully admit that I’m not the reality TV junkie that many of my friends and co-workers are. In fact, I can only think of two non-scripted shows I watch. (Well, “non-scripted” is used loosely here.) Regardless, one of those shows I’ve found myself drawn to is The Rachel Zoe Project. Go ahead, judge me. I’ll wait.

OK, the reason I bring this up is because last night’s episode had a good lesson for workers (and employers, too). Let me summarize what’s going on in this show:

Rachel Zoe is a fashion stylist and she has two assistants. Taylor’s been there since the beginning and Brad has only been with her for a year. Taylor and Brad don’t always get along–naturally, because if they did, the show would be boring. Well, Rachel tells Brad and Taylor that their schedule is open and all three of them will be going to Paris Fashion Week, which is basically the Super Bowl of couture. Then some clients need Rachel’s services during that scheduled trip and she has to leave one of the assistants behind. Who will go to Paris? (Insert dramatic stares and camera cuts here.)

Rachel first sends an e-mail to Taylor and Brad telling them what’s going on and that the two of them should figure it out themselves. She secretly wants Brad to say, “Taylor has seniority. I’ll stay; she can go.” Taylor knows this, too. Brad doesn’t do that. Taylor tells Brad what’s going on. He gets mad at Rachel. She sends an e-mail to Taylor saying that she should decide who goes and who stays because she has seniority. Brad’s reaction is what most viewers were probably thinking: Rachel has the most seniority–she’s the boss. Throughout this entire ordeal all three players mention the fact that Rachel has issues with confrontation. She even says that her least favorite part of being the boss is doing the things that a boss has to do.

Ultimately, Taylor decides Brad should go and that she wants to deal directly with Rachel to discuss the issue. Rachel knows it’s all coming. Everyone agrees that Rachel royally messed up and should’ve made the decision and been unafraid of angering her employees. That’s what happens when you’re the boss.

Now, for me and you, the regular people who don’t have our own shows and who don’t have the luxury of worrying about who gets to go to Paris and who has to stay home and deal with celebrities, there are still some valuable work lessons here. Here are some things to do when your boss relegates a little too much responsibility to you:

  • Be nice to your co-workers
    If your boss wants you and your co-worker to tackle a problem, try to do it. Bickering back and forth and getting passive aggressive won’t advance the situation. It’ll just escalate tension and eventually you’ll end up running to the boss sounding like a whiny baby because the other person was mean to you.
  • Think about office politics (sometimes)
    I’m not saying you should get involved in the gritty side of workplace politics, but recognize that seniority, tenure and titles play a role in how (many) companies operate. In some cases, deferring to the senior member of the team shows that you respect their time at the company and that you’re cooperative.
  • If you are senior, act senior
    Pulling rank can often be annoying and unnecessary, but sometimes the boss looks to the second-in-command to step up and show leadership. Take the opportunity and run with it. Acknowledge that your role might be strange for everyone because you’re not the boss. It will diffuse some of the tension while telling everyone that you are embracing the role and will be the decision-maker.
  • Politely confront your boss about the issue
    If a boss handled a situation in a way that affected daily operations and relationships, you need to address it. Be respectful and remember that he or she is the boss–so preparing a fiery 20-minute speech isn’t the way to go. But feel free to ask to discuss the situation and then explain that the group needed a little more guidance. Use it as an opportunity to step up by saying, “I felt that I should take control because of my seniority, but I didn’t want to appear as though I was undermining your authority.” Or, if you aren’t one of the highest ranking people on the team, tell the boss that there was some confusion and that, “We wanted to be certain that we were staying on track with your goals, but we didn’t know if plans had changed and we were supposed to listen to [so-and-so] instead.” Word it however you want, but while showing respect and not whining, voice your concern. Sometimes bosses are so busy they don’t even realize there was any misunderstanding in their directions.

The whole situation was kind of bananas, to be honest. But it doesn’t have to be if you act like an adult and talk things out.

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  3. Estoy haciendo un trabajo de investigacion relacionado a las carreras cortas y me gustaria comunicarme con usted via email.

  4. I believe that we all need to respect each other, and is sometimes hard if we put ourselves on a number 9 cloud. But I agree that discussing things gets things into motion instead of bursting out later. All of the Adults should act like it however, sometimes we all need help realizing that we are all human and need help.

  5. I too was a boss for over 75 employees and most of them respected me-the others wanted things for free or didn’t want to work. Out of those were the back stabbers and the gossip columns who found it funny to gossip and when it hit the HRM department the employee who they gossip about was terminated. They even had called the bank the company had loans with and told them the owners were stealing monies and buying cocaine with the monies (all lies). Trying to fire them was next to impossible because they claim ADA or Civil Right Protection.
    These former bosses (I went to a larger company) treated me good with raises, promotions and most of all respect because I gave them respect.

  6. Great article! I work for a small company and ALL of our bosses forget to be bosses. There isn’t one of them who does well with confrontation, to the point that they avoid it at all costs; they won’t even do performance reviews. It’s good to have others shed a little light on the situation and give us some pointers on how to handle it.

  7. Happened to me and it was a potentially career destroying disaster! I got hired by corporate and ‘forced upon’ a guy who was supposed to be my boss at the Atlanta office. He was already angry with management for hiring me without his input, which wasn’t my fault. Then, he had no management experience and it appeared he had just recently taken the management job because he wanted the extra pay. The guy I replaced had left after working for him for only 4 months (which in the end was about how long I lasted). He wanted to avoid the responsibility for training me and being my boss at all costs. He even told me one time–weeks and weeks after it happened–that I had given him the wrong answer when he asked if I wanted to accompany him to a business meeting. At the time, I had said I had work to do which was what corporate wanted me to focus on so I would rather do that. He said my answer should’ve been that I would attend the meeting *and* focus on my work, even if it meant working very, very late and on the weekends. Shouldn’t he have realized it was *his* job to tell me that was the expectations and customs of the industry? I was hired on as an entry level person and he had years of experience, for crying out loud! Anyway, the whole thing blew up when he left for a week and a half vacation, unannounced, and he left me with no work to do whatsoever! My co-worker, who was as experienced as he was, was also shocked by this behavior, though she was unaffected as she had the work down pat. I had tried numerous times to resolve these issues, all to no avail. Thus, when corporate asked questions about my lack of productivity while my so-called boss was away, I felt like I had to defend myself. Sadly, it didn’t go well as corporate only made the situation worse. I was afraid they’d fire me, all for something that was honestly, honestly not my fault. Thus, I quit before they had the chance. My timing was awful as this was April of 2008, about 2 weeks before news reports identified the recession. I haven’t worked since and this still continues to haunt me. My husband says I have to let it go and move past it. I know in my heart and objectively in my head that I did all I could to make it work, but my ‘boss’ was against me from the very beginning. Still, it is very hard to get past as his behavior, lack of compassion, and lack of management skills coupled with the recession could mean my investment in graduate school was all for naught. I wish there were more articles like this focusing on bad bosses. Please people, if you are a boss, you have certain responsibilities and people’s lives are in your hands. Step up to the plate, or don’t get yourself into a management position in the first place!!!

    • @#5 Heather – Your idealism, while inspiring, will not serve you well in the competitive Atlanta (or any other) job market. Yes, the boss should have and should use management skills. But the corporate environment is not a place to find compassion, and your boss probably felt he was just operating in the way his management taught him to, reflecting the corporation’s culture… Having been dumped on – given an employee he felt resentful about having to train (he may have said “babysit”), especially since he didn’t have a say in who it was or the experience level of that person. (An entry level person is often initially more work than help, causing the boss to have to spend many late nights at the office catching up on their own work after the newbie goes home for dinner so the corporatino can save a few bucks in salary rather than hiring someone who already has skills and experience.) That doesn’t justify your boss’s behavior towards you. Nor does it remove responsibility from you for your own behavior and attitude. In the future, I suggest that when the boss comes up short, you’ll need to find a way to help yourself, and your boss, or you will continually find yourself on the run.

    • Heather, the same thing happened to me. Within the first month, the person who was my co worker accused me of threatening bodily harm because I made an off hand remark that “I would just love to strangle” one of the technicians because of his racist remarks towards blacks. The co worker went to the manager and told her. It went down hill from there. The co worker kept running to the manager with every little complaint she could come up with. Meanwhile, behind the manager’s back she would insult, criticize, and do things that would get anyone fired. One example was when she wanted to take time off or have a 4 day weekend, she would call in or come in and start to “miscarry”. I kid you not. I felt insulted by this because I myself have experienced 5 miscarriages trying to have a baby. My late husband and I decided that it was taking it’s toll on me both physically and psychologically. We decided to give up and never had any children. However, the one thing I know about a miscarriage is that there is massive amounts of blood and not your normal minstration flow and color. I kept asking “Where is the blood?” so that I could help in the clean up. Well, she finally told me what was going on and that I was blowing her act and to stop. The manager, on the other hand, wanted to know where my compassion was.
      After working for 3-4 months I was nominated Employee of the month. When I received my evaluation, I received the highest scores and the biggest raise of anyone in the Admin staff. Not only that but most of the customers and corporate management were requesting to talk to me rather than her, even though she had seniority and seemed to know more about the biz than I did. Then, two months later I was fired. Why? I still to this day don’t know. When I applied for unemployment, I was refused and when I asked why, I was told that I was fired for verbal confrontation. I don’t know where that came from because when I was told I was fired for something the manager said I was warned about (which the manager didn’t elaborate on) I was so angry, and knew that if I said anything at that time, it would have been held against me. So the only response I gave was “Fine”. I got up went to my desk, cleaned it out, put in my last time sheet, turned in my keys and left without saying anything to anyone. Later, I learned that the manager and the co worker had a personal relationship outside of the office and the manager would have never believed anything I had say if it was against her or defending myself agianst her sabotage. To me, this was the work of a professionally jealous individual. It was in March of 2008 when I was fired. It still affects me today in probably the same way it does you. I have three degrees from three different prestigious schools in the country. I have never been fired from a job before in my life so you can only imagine what is going through my head. I haven’t found another job due to the economy and had to move home. I am still having difficulty with trying to collect my unemployment. However, I do feel blessed to be out of that environment because if I had stayed or fought for my job, I think I would try to strangle the little alcoholic lying theiving female dog. I was one of their best workers and my work record, with the exception of this incident, bares me out. Just remember the old wise saying, “Karma is a B_t_h with PMS”. I believe that while we go on and live our lives, perhaps with the help of a little therapy of some kind, come across a better work environment and job or otherwise constructively using this time we have off, these individuals will be fired for the right reasons, replaced, demoted, dressed down in public, or in some other way dealt with in the same manner as we were only 3-7 times worse. Hopefully, in this diatribe you have found something to make you feel a little better about your situation and yourself. If someone like me can get fired on the grounds of professional jealousy, then as far as I am concerned, you did the right thing. Life is too short and even though there is a recession (like the Great Depression was a blip on the economic radar screen in the 1930s), there is a job out there for you where the environment is perfect for you, the boss treats you and your ideas with respect and you feel you have at last found your niche or home. You just haven’t found it yet and need to keep looking. Just remember, they haven’t found you yet either.

  8. As a manager of a small company, I have worked to make sure that any employees have adequate training and opportunity to learn the job required. As a result, I wind up being a training ground for larger companies that can offer more in the way of salary and benefits than my small company can afford. The ones that are really good don’t last long because they go to greener pastures and the others are not worth my time. Most new hires have no idea how much time and expense an employer goes through getting them on the payroll. For those who were honest and left quickly; “Thank you”. You realized that this business was not your interest and passion and moved on. Any employer would appreciate your stance. We will respect you and bid you farewell and best wishes in pursuing what does work for you. For those who did not and I had to let go, argue with the State Unemployment office about your ineligibility for benefits, answer or not answer fifteen employment references within the next thirty days, or spend two years and multiples of thousands of dollars defending your frivolous sexual harrassment suit, be aware that you are one of the reasons that it is hard for anyone to get a job, including you. There are days that all bosses hate their jobs. Try to be aware of that when you speak with them; but please don’t incubate a problem. Talk to your boss. The problem is easier to deal with before it hatches into a major issue and involves more people. Thank you for the opportunity to share the bosses side.

  9. I have a boss who we became close because I broke my ankle while getting in her car. As our relationship got closer, we shared a lot of things. I got ill and was talking with our EAP rep. During a session with the rep it was determined that i would go into the “hospital”. Aware of how close me and my boss was, the EAP rep asked if I wanted my boss to know i was going in the hospital. i said no – i would let her know what she needed to know in that regard. Well the EAP rep apparently called my boss anyway, shared my personal business with her and then my boss in turn told her boyfriend who is a MD. When i decided not to go to the hospital, my boss and her boyfriend repeatedly called me questioning me about my personal biz. Somewhere in there my HIPPA was violated. Well needless to say my boss is a bit of a busy body and I just know she had to have shared that juicy gossip with other managers at our job. Certain people acted a bit differently – just something I picked up on. Needless to say – I stay clear of my boss other than the necessary simple things I need her for. Other than that – she is NO longer privi to anything else about me. I understand being concerned and then there is always that line – they are still your boss and shouldn’t get “that” involved. I don’t get in any of my employees business – I almost could care less. That break in trust between me and my boss created that.

  10. I had a smiliar experience with a boss who let her pride get in the way of being a manager. She did not have the experience that was needed for the job and she was too proud to ask for help. Instead, she bolted out the door or made excuses why she couldn’t help me with my work. I repeatedly asked for guidance on how to do certain things but I could never get the help I needed. When a deadline didn’t get met, she turned on me and belittled me in front of another employee. My job came to a stand still and I felt I had no other choice but to leave. I asked for help from her supervisors and they just made excuses for her lack of people skills and lack of management skills. Ironically, she left after I did.

  11. I am a manager over many employees and also I am one of the workers. My boss delegates a lot of his confrontational issues too me. It is his place to run things, but instead he plays on his computer and usually leaves me to deal with the employees. He takes credit for everything and does not share what the upper management is wanting to do in the near future. It is hard to work for someone that wants things to run smoothly and does not want to back you on your decisions. I tell an employee to do something, they don’t and I take action on that employee. He never backs me up, so the employee basically knows nothing will happen if they don’t do it. However, I treat them with respect and most employees respect me and the way I handle things. That is the most important thing in managing. Yeah you are going to tick employees off at times, but all ways respect them.

  12. Any suggestions on how to deal with a boss who just sits around all day playing games on his computer or watching auctions. He does not carry through on his end most of the time and it is causing poor morale for the rest of us. Does someone talk to him…do we go over his head???

  13. Office politics will always exist. there is no perfect environment or a perfect job. We just have to live with it and endure the sadness of the fact.

  14. I am in this exact position as a senior manager in a small office. Our Executive Director has no experience as an ED and it shows! He picks and chooses who to discipline and plays favorites with the managers! He definitely avoids confrontation at all costs, even when grievances are put in writing!! I don’t know what to do. I have thought of leaving, and have spoken with my ED several times, to discuss my concerns, but to no avail. He says one thing, and does something entirely different.
    It may be time for me to leave!

  15. I was hired as an intern which morphed into unpaid assistant/personal shopper/errand hound at a now defunct catering company. The first week of my new job, my boss was never there. She was so into her personal relationship dramas that i never had adequate training.

    My boss would call me at work while she was out at play and tell me that if bill collectors, clients, and other persons she wanted to avoid called to tell them she was out of the office. Soon I was arriving at work late and leaving early because there was nothing for me to do. Her weekly assignments, I’d finish in hours.

    Then one day she got mad at me for being late 30 mins (WTF, I’m not even getting paid chick!) even though she was always coming in when half the day was over and staying for two hours. I can only broswe the www so long and tweedle my thumbs before my brain turns to mush.

    Next, she took an extended weekend vacay to a friend’s wedding without telling clients. Still not properly trained in writing proposals and lacking basic background on upcoming events, I had to b.s. my way through inqueries. I would have asked many questions, but with absence I had to learn from her apathetic chef and my natural instincts.

    Once she went on a date with a client that ending disaterously. Worst when his event arrived we were several hours late. The breakfast was served at lunch. This was a very important event because it was with a military base welcoming important VIPs. They never used the company again.

    She should have stayed in the kitchen (previously a chef) and left the white collar work to the professionals.

  16. The only important question was never asked. What was best for the client? Managing personalities in a business becomes much easier when all decisions are made through that lens. But I guess that wouldn’t make a good television show. I should make a good column though.

  17. dont i know about a boss not being a boss i have run 6 differant bussinesses
    over the years some my postions were under bosses who dumped the babysitting on me but i handled it and i would leave a job after i do the hard work and the company doesnt want to pay for it i was running my own building company from 2000 to 2006 in06 i had enough of dealing with customers state paperwork fed paper work and a 1.2 million insurance bill wich was costing me 58,000.00 a year just to able to work so i went to work for a supplier i only wanted to drive for them a nice easy job i was hired one week into work they saw that i could run people and sell things they asked me to move into the store and sell i really didnt ant to but they kinda made it sound like if i said no that it would be uncomfortable so i did now my boss has been dumping everything in my lap he has set of you know whats he said i want you to run wharehouse i said fine but i want 100percent control that the only way i work
    i am a nice boss i am an ass only when i have to be i am easy to get along with
    do your job and everything is fine i made changes that needed to be made
    now keep in mind i ran a lumber yard for 7 years i am good at my job my boss would not back me on changes so i told him i am done running wharehouse if you can be a boss and back me do it your self dont get me wrong i am a team player and even now my boss tries to push things on me every day but limit what i will do for the reason of his lack of leadership and because my company didnt give raises and has said there will be no raises for anyone and keep in mind i was forced into the store there was no raise stand up for your self i dont worry about losing this job i will not give ny years of hard work away for free or let a boss walk on me in my case i can do a wide range of jobs so for me it a little better postin than heather but she should drop that bad memory job with no problem that job wasnt for you and you will find much better job

  18. My boss does not have the ability to run our deparment however is still getting paid by the company , how do i approch his boss and lt him know what extactly is going on ?

  19. There is nothing worse than a boss who refuses to be boss during tough situations. Most people just want an indication that their boss is aware, cares, and is wilingl to get into the trenches to dig them out of tough situations. I have been on both sides of the line. I had a boss who lacked clarity and decisiveness who kept the whole team in a state of confusion. After he was let go I took over his position as boss and my very first order of business was to give everyone a clear understanding or responsibility and expectations. When you have a good understanding of what is expected of you and what you are actually capable of, it relieves negative stress. This is a two way street. I never ask my team to do anything I would not do and I always take responsibility for my short comings just as I ask of them. We are growing as a team and learning to trust each other. When there is a tough situation or a tough decision that has to be made, I will make it and they will understand that I am aware, I care and I will do what I think is best for the team.

  20. Let me start first by saying: All relationships are important, but office relationships should be handled with a very long handled spoon. It is crucial for all to understand the dynamics behind the relationships. Words paint pictures and with the imagination and drama of some those words can paint and entirerly different picture with an entirely different than expected outcome.

    Secondly: We must remember, most Managers, Supervisors, Business Owners, Bosses (call them what you may) have absolutely no experience in MANAGING. The last 20 years were years of the “on the Job Manager” which means he or she learned as they went along, no professional skills, no formal training. They were promoted to such positions based on who they knew and what favors they did…It was not based on their ability to Manage or do the job. If you look very closely at their personal lives you will find that their managing skills are reflective of their personal lives. Words of Wisdom: Keep your personal life private and your office life cordial. We were hired to do a job not to be our bosses & co-workers best friends, confidantes, psychiatrists, mothers.

    At the end of your eight hour day Your supervisor, manager, boss, etc. is still your supervisor, manager, boss, etc. they are looking out for the best interest of the company (or in most cases looking out for themselves) – NOT you. It may feel that they are your best friend even counselor at times, but at the end of the day anything you tell them eventually will weigh against you – in some instances especially in this economy – sooner than later. You are hired to do a job…do it and do it well, THAT is what matters. Keep your personal life – your personal life.

  21. I work in an office where my manager will not stand up for me against a higher up who CONSTANTLY badgers me, says extremely rude/unprofessional things, and all in all is the dark rain cloud in this office. It got so bad I had to tell my manager to do something, but he told me to IGNORE it. And pretend that me getting backed up against a printer (and yelled at) because I didn’t want to use my personal vehical for a company errand was ok (the box barely fit that I “had” to mail). I ended up having to go to my union rep and boss. The problems continue, and I just try to roll with the punches, but it’s to the point I may either have to tell the guy to back off or talk to my boss again. I feel it’s not my place to tell him to buzz off when my manager was standing right there when many of the comments were made. What do I do? I’m usually a take charge person, but in this case, I feel it’s inappropriate.

  22. One more comment…this same manager, that I told on multiple occassions that I was NOT interested in being set up, manipulated a phone call so I had to talk to his nephew so I would have to go on a blind date with said nephew. I was so angry I almost blew a gasket. It was my personal life he was intruding on and I was so disrespected. I just ignored the guy, who met me at a usual hang-out with all my friends, and he left after 5 minutes, explaining he was intimidated and used foul language. Niiice. Needless to say, work on Monday was awkward.

  23. TOM—–Have you EVER heard of grammar, punctuation, spelling, and proofreading? You completely disqualified yourself and your remarks and opinions with your complete lack of written communciation skills. Please work on that!

  24. I’m not even sure what the main points of this article entail. I was too overwhelmed by the terrible writing by a “professional” journalist.

  25. Ironic, isnt’ it. People spend 4+ years of college learning the beginnings of a profession. They may spend a few years working as junior people while they move up, but, in reality, some people get promoted (at any time) to a “manager”, but many of them don’t have one lick of an idea what being a manager is all about.

    When I ran a group at a smll engineering company, I told all my staff that as far as I was concerned, I didn’t report to upper level management, I reported to them. It was my roll to facilitate them being the most productive that they could be with the fewest roadblocks. Sure, upper level mgmt (I was at the Director/VP level) set the direction for the entire company – with my input), and so in that was I reported up, but I always knew that I would be most effective by helping out those underneath me.

    If more managers acted this way, overall, workplaces would be a lot better off. Instead, we get people clawing their way to climb past people on the corporate ladder. I didn’t ask for the position of Director, I was given it because I was clearly the only one with both the engineering and people skills that could run the projects.

    I ended up leaving that job – I got laid off – because the President thought I was “plotting against him” – as it turns out he ended up being both delusional and paranoid, but, even with that, I can say that while it lasted, that was probably the best job I ever had.

  26. You know, I totally understand where you are coming from. I was hired actually as a manager for a very large company. (most of America have come to “hate” this company due to the large bonus’ paid to their upper management after getting gov bailout funds–I am sure you know who they are) due to a reorganization, I was moved to another manager. He systematically harassed me, compromised my work product, unreasonable requests…such as calling an urgent meeting at 4 am to determine if our offices were going to close due to weather issues…when I logged into the meeting, he lied to HR and told them I was insubordinate because I wasn’t on line! my peers even wrote to HR and confirmed my attendance, many more issues I cannot write about–. bottom line, he hated me. I ended up trying to fight back w/in the corporate structure by going to HR. They investigated it but found that it was just personality issues and I was ordered to take HR classes in dealing with conflict…nothing for him. after about 6 months, I ended up clinically depressed, on medication, and down right beaten emotionally. I went on leave and then subsequently resigned. A few months later, I secured another position and low and behold, that old manager tried to destroy that position by telling my current employer these lies about me. In the end, I was victorious and was able to keep my position with the new company and he was terminated from the old company after I left. the scares are deep though. I did my job very well and tried to be honest and fair but the system failed me. I would encourage you to focus only your assets and Heather, don’t give up. don’t let them win! you can be successful and it doesn’t need to be a career ender but maybe simply another beginning. My boss had it in for me from the beginning as well, but in the end, I am still standing better than ever!

  27. I empathize with Heather. I’ve had good bosses and bad bosses, and I know how the latter can mess with your life. She should take some assurance, however, from the fact that anyone worth working for has probably experienced or witnessed a similar situation.

    Heather, don’t blather on about what happened, but don’t be shy about saying you had a bad experience, and that you learned from it. Someone who’s “been there” (and there are a lot of us) will understand and value your insight.

  28. I sympathize with your situation. I found myself in similar circumstances. Don’t kick yourself for not hanging in there. You did the best you could with a bad situation.

  29. Priscilla I appreciate your comment that “you’re hired to do a job not be the bosses & co-workers best friend, etc.” I am a manager. I’m a manager by education, upbringing/training and profession. The reflective of life’s management being mirrored in corporate management is 100% true. We do not nor can we separate the two. Whatever manifests itself in the workplace is strongly exercised in each person’s personal life. It behooves boss, manager, employee and applicant to perform introspection and realize we are all managers. First we must manage our lives. We must manage our relationships with family, friends, and society. Then if blessed to be employed, we must manage our involvement and viable contribution to the corporation. If you’re waiting on the title of manager to become a manager in the workplace – you’ll never get there. A real manager is already managing things and not to be seen and applauded but because its necessary, prudent and right. It’s quite easy to blameshift and speak to the weakness of a leader who has been placed over us. Highlighting the obvious takes little effort – what’s the solution? That’s what manager’s think of consistently – where is the solution to this problem? How can we best maximize the gifts, talents, productivity, financial gain, etc. Your strengths as an employee (whatever the title) can be what catapults you to the management level if you manage your current position well. The best measure of future success is your present performance. Don’t tell me you’re a great manager and nothing around you is managed well. You’re waiting on the title to do the work – I think NOT! That level of discovery is not good for any corporation because your passion is not the production but the prize/purse. Something other than money has to drive real “managers” because we realize it’s the intangibles that satisfy and breed success. Money is a given by-product for “real managers” because the work will produce substantial gains and returns. Confrontation will come on every level. Challenges will occur on every level. Disagreements and differences will arise daily. Each of us must manage them. They happen internally with ourselves, with our families, with our community and neighbors and with employees and employers. So like it or not, we are all managers and we’d better embrace it in order to be better people. Thanks for letting me share my perspective. Be intentional!

  30. Heather, I feel for you. I felt I was in the exact same position as you were. My manager was against me from the beginning. I lost my job in March of 2008 and I havent worked since!

  31. You quit an entry-level position after 4 months and this destroyed your entire career for life? You’re nuts. Your comment reeks of insincere whining “It wasn’t me, it was him!”. Get past yourself.

  32. I found the article rather boring compared to my daily occurrences. Here’s a situation where the boss was neither acting like a boss or adult. This stuff happens all the time at that place:

    Co-worker and boss were talking about the past two weeks while boss was gone. The fact that none of us could find the memory stick for the digital camera came up. None of us thought it much an issue, for we just used a floppy disk and problem resolved, no one thought it was a crisis last week by not locating the memory stick. We couldn’t have been further from the truth. Boss goes to his printer, and pulls out the stick, and lost it on both me and co-worker. “This is the f**king shit that …” I can’t remember most of it because it was too intense with a ton of yelling and swearing. It was all over the fact that no one called him while he was on vacation to locate a stupid memory card that we could deal without. I cut him off, ready to walk out. I was forced to yell back stating, “I will NOT accept being treated this way, lets try to act like adults here!” He then calmed down a bit, admitting that he was angry and upset that he didn’t want us to go through any grief because of his stupid mistake. I said the yelling gives me grief. He was careful to semi-successfully catch himself in not using further profanity within the duration of the conversation, apparently feeling bad for loosing his temper.

    Boss continued with more discussion about another co-worker is “not in control of the business.” Boss whines, “override her you guys, do what I want, not what she believes.” Boss said he would, first thing when other co-worker comes in, yell at co-worker to “get it through her head.” I countered, “sometimes yelling at someone doesn’t effectively get the point across…” Boss then was overly nice and happy and apologetic for not wanting to hurt my feelings or make me feel bad. He does not even get it. As a positive, however, he was nice when other co-worker came in and asked what she wants with vacations, and how he feels, illustrating the difference and it is not a problem to call. The situation still got me so upset I couldn’t calm down. This sort of crap happens too much. At lunch, first co-worker thought my screaming was “awesome.” He looked like a bird who had eaten a canary.

  33. This is going to sound sexist, but has anyone else noticed that most (if not all) of the drama in the workplace comes from women? In my experience, men focus on their job and ignore the “politics,” while women focus on gossip and tend to point fingers when problems arise. This is obviously not always the case. The difference is that men typically don’t bicker and spread rumors. They either ignore the other person, talk to the boss or start a fight (sometimes physically). None of those things are good, but at least the problem typically is solved with a minimal amount of company time wasted. Women dwell on things, spread hateful rumors and whine. And did I mention gossip??? Some women don’t get any work done because they’re too busy trying to find dirt on their coworkers. Either that or they spend all of their time blaming everybody else for their lack of production. My point is that most of the drama in the workplace comes from women. I’m not a sexist person – that is just an observation. Look at all of the comments on this article. Most are women whining about their coworkers.

  34. I curiously watched about ten minutes of that show once and to be quite frank, Rachel Zoe is a bit full of herself and lacks personality. In a nutshell, I wouldn’t recommend that crappy show to anyone. B-O-R-I-N-G.

  35. I have been boss of 240 personnel. Being boss means being boss. Don’t be rude, don’t be demanding, dont threaten, but do be the boss. If I was going to Paris, I would know what the demands of the trip were. I would also know what the demands of the client in the US were and would appoint personnel to each task I felt would be best in the respective situation. That is the boss’s job. Shirking responsibility for theis decision is not only stupid, it undermines the heirarchy and then, you as boss, have lost your credibility. Dumb decision. If you can’t make these decisions, then you need to be replaced by someone who can.

  36. I supervised, and trained many employees, and was respected by most, but if I were a manager, and I had these so called back stabbers running to me about other employees, when people where to be downsized, the back stabbers would be the first to go, because is they where going to backstab there co-workers, next thing you know they would be backstabing me.

  37. No matter what the textbooks or college professors tell you, managers are born and not made. Too many times people are at the peak of their career and the only place for them to go is into management. Some make it, most dont because they lack the gift of handling the “gray” issues that happen when dealing with people. Dont get me wrong, bright people who can create/solve enormous issues are great at doing their job but when it comes to dealing with people, most are socially inept.

  38. Be fair to the people you supervise. It’s the bosses job to let employees know what they need to accomplish, what resources they have and the deadline, then to ask for and consider feedback (to make sure you have all the information) AND THEN MAKE THE D*MN DECISION.
    There are some truly horrible supervisors out there. When the company I worked for was sold, I got a new supervisor who never responded to emails and screened all his calls and never responded to voice mail messages.The only communication I had from him was him calling me and screaming and threatening my job because I hadn’t done something he hadn’t bothered to tell me about.
    The final straw was him calling me and screaming at me that I was a total idiot because my latest weekly subscriber report did not include the 3,000 customers we lost when Hurricane Floyd totally destroyed over 5,000 homes in our service area. He said that he wasn’t going to show a 3,000 customer loss the third month he was in charge. Even though a huge natural disaster that had received extensive media coverage was responsible.
    I was not going to do anything unethical or illegal, so I resigned. He and his boss were caught about a year later, convicted of falsifying business records and sent to prison.

  39. I am currently working for a company where it seems that the boss has made it a life long goal to make me feel inferior to the rest of the employees. On several occasions it has been made clear that the boss is partial to a certain employee. The life this employee has chosen to live has proven to be a ticket for a free ride on the “pitty train” (the more drama the better). This certain employee arrives to work late every day, takes lunch breaks that well exceed the regular 1 hour lunch break. Most of the work time is spent surfing the net, playing computer games and on personal phone calls (95% of the calls coming in are personal )

    The office has officially become a place to hangout for family, friends and has even become a daycare, without any consideration to others in the office. All this has been brought to the owner’s attention, but this disruptive situation has yet to be addressed. This is not a professional way to run a business, and one’s personal life should be kept personal.

  40. Ben,
    Yes, that’s sexist. The bigest gossip in our place? A man. Sweeping generalizations only irritate and take away from the point you’re trying to make.

  41. You can go over his/her head. Tread lightly though, I would go directly to an HR rep and speak openly and honestly about the situation. when you do this, keep it to yourself as I am sure you do not wish to have everyone else thinking you are a rat. Bottom line: the boss isn’t doing his/her job and isn’t helping anyone attain the Company’s goal…. how can s/he expect anyone else to do the same?

  42. HA HA, not true at all. Maybe where you work, it’s women but the reverse can also happe. Men can be just as dramtic, conniving and whiny.

  43. I love everything you said, I work in a small office but, I know the dynamics of the office job. I learned to handle my boss, and coworkers with a long handle spoon, I started doing this when I noticed, that my boss is a drama queen in men clothing, and one day said to me “You tell people your business”. I had shared some personal business with 2 coworkers, wrong thing to do, I will never, ever do that again. Best lesson I ever had. I speak and am nice and polite, but my business is my own, that you for these refreshing words. Barb

  44. Yes, this happens in almost every business and in almost every workplace. Obviously the boss female/male has an affair with her/his employee, I see no other reason for this disgusting behaviour in the office. It’s a disgrace that causes upset and anger among the other employees who are not involved in affairs with their boss(es). That’s why it’s very important to take action immediately, approach your colleagues and set up a meeting to confront the situation with the Owner/Director of your company to let her/him know what is really going on to stop this ridiculous behaviour at once !!!! I wish you good luck !!!!

  45. I work both in the Military and in the Civilian area as a Field Service Specialist. I know about bad and good managers, I have had both. It has been about equal from the Military to Civilian aspect. The last manager I had for a major medical equipment manufacturer was receiving extreme pressure from the sales department to release me from employment.
    I was required to be on military service for training and then my preapproved vacation began after that training. When I contacted my Zone Manager about this issue, he seemed to be complacent with everything, however, when he did not recieve what he” deemed sufficient paperwork notification”, he contacted me by phone ( so there was no “paper trail”) and asked me in a rather belligerent voice what was more important. Either the company I worked for or the Military!
    I did not respond at that time as I was rather angry and did not want to either draw attention to a model employee, or state a remark that would later come back to haunt me.
    Within one week, I recieved my termination paperwork, stating that I had violated company policy, which resulted in immediate termination after a review by a panel of fellow upper management. When I tried to discuss and fight this issue,with the company HR Manager, she told me that there was really no avenue of mitigation.
    I recieved no notification of this “violation of company policy” previous to this. When this was discussed with other Service Veterans, they were exteremely shocked, as I was, and they have since begun to watch what they do and say to this same manager. I later found out through the gprapevine, that I was not the only one to “violate” this policy due to the ambigious writing, however, I did find a few things out. First the policy was “suddenly clarified” after my termination, and as I was the only Service Engineer selected out for this punishment, I have learned about other Engineer’s rumor-mongering about me, for requesting the exact same assistance that I did, and there were other Engineers who had less experience than I did, discussing how I was “banned” from sites in the same city he lived in.
    This is my standpoint, my employment was terminated due to my Military service, however I have no proof of this. That is why this manager found another way to “dismiss me”.
    Bottom line is this, document everything that is said between your manager and your lower employee’s, it may save you. Trust me this is a valuable lesson learned.
    Thanks for letting me vent, by the way.

  46. Tom, you’ve over six companies and you can’t find the shift key or period key on a keyboard? Let me guess – half of the companies you ran were Lehman Brothers, AIG and Bears Stears?

  47. I have one mgr and two assist. mgrs. I am a host and one of the assist. mgrs. disrespects me on any occasion he can. Example: he comes out with the seating chart. I and several waitresses are standing there. He starts to tell one of the waitresses the seating chart. I said, “so I guess you won’t be needing me tonight,” he said he was going to come over to the podium and show me. What?????? Today I was helping clean tables and grabbed a dish off the bar-his barb for the day-don’t clean the bar, what????

  48. As a HR professional, I must say that I am intrigued by all that is being said about bosses, supervisors, managers, etc. I will agree that there are many individuals who are not cutout for the roles sometimes given to them in organizations. What is intriguing is that very few people posting comments accepts any responsibility for their own actions or lack thereof. Where is the initiative? Where is the desire if not being guided to seek the answers to your questions elsewhere? What could you have done differently to improve the situation? I believe that each person has an obligation to their employer. When you arrive at work, guess what, you’re being paid to work. My boss didn’t train me, I was tired of messing around on the internet, blah, blah, blah. Before you become a valuable commodity at any place of business, you really need to do a litte self-analysis. Nobody’s leading, well how about you do some thinking for yourself. Find out what you need to know and “do” what you’re being paid to “do.

    • Your answer, while it has some good advice, also reflects the callous attitude so prevalent at many corporations. Fostering this type of corporate culture does not make for productivity, but political and backstabbing behavior that undermines any focus on common corporate objectives. It is no wonder that so many American companies are struggling in the global marketplace. Unfortunately I find this to be the “standard” attitude in HR departments, reinforced by ignorant and self-absorbed C-suite teams interested more in an early retirement than building a sustainable business in which they can take pride.

  49. I work as an auto repair technicain and face a different dinamic with my boss/buisness owner. As a recent college grad I went seeking for a job that I could get experience in and found the one I am currently in. My current employer has recently opened his shop and is still trying to break even and get ahead. I agreed to work for him for 40% less then my expereince and education level merited just so that his buiness could get going and i could make alot more money hopefully in the near future. However my employer beahves in such a way that makes my self and the only other guy working at the shop want to quit. He in NEVER in a good mood when he come into work in the morning, which isnt too big of a deal unless someone makes a mistake, or in his mind takes too long on a project. In turn he talks to us like we are stupid. Once we have made a mistake he takes it personllay and holds a grudge for days. because the shop isnt fully organized we often finish a project and dont know where or what to start on next, so we ask. When we ask he either ignores us for a few moments before coming up with something, or he burst out with a “hold on for for a sec will ya!”. it s not like we want to
    bother him to no end but he doesnt even acknowledge that we asked him something. He has tried to create some sort of system to manage the work but it is not consistent and so sometimes when we attempt to proceed to the next project he has something else he wants us to do (that he hasnt told us about). And instead of politely telling us he has something else for us to do he jerks the repair sheet out of our hands in a rude manner and give us keys to something and tells us to pull it in, without even knowing what vehicle it is or what needs to be donewith it. So we either risk “annoying the heck: out of our boss by asking clarifying questions or just try each vehicle until we figure out which one it belongs to. then we get to pull it in and wait for him to tell us what needs to be done to it. There is supposed to always be a repair sheet explaining the problem to diagnose or the parts to install on each vehicle which if he hasnt given us already “we annoy him” by asking politely only one time to which he replies with his ever so famous and angry toned “hold on a sec will ya!”. I could go on and on about all of the things he does to make the work place a miserable environment. I am thinking about finding emplyment somewhere else and telling my boss that ” if he has a problem then tough s*@!” (just as he has stated to me before). What are your thoughts?

  50. It is too bad you quit before you had another job lined up. It sounds like you have a lot of years left before you retire. I recommend next time you try to get another job before leaving the one you have. It is easier to find work if you are already working. You were in a bad position, but like your husband said you need to put it behind you. If you can’t find work, start volunteering. The experience you get usually qualifies as work on your resume. It is vital that you keep current in your field. Keep up your memberships in professional organizations, keep networking. Make getting another job your job. Do it at least 30 hours a week. There will always be bad bosses out there, I got some tapes and lessons on dealing with difficult people. It helped me a lot.

  51. Like I said, it is simply an observation I’ve made. You don’t have to agree with it. But Martha (the post above yours) proves my point. Yes, bosses will sometimes favor some people and, yes, not everything is always going to be fair. The point is that you deal with it. The problem has been brought to the attention of the people in charge. If they don’t want to do anything about it, too bad. Life isn’t fair. Getting caught up in who gets treated better or worse will do nothing but make you stand out as a whiner. That is probably why Martha feels she is treated so poorly. Bosses and coworkers don’t like whiners. Do your job to the best of your ability and someone will eventually take notice. If they don’t, find another job.

  52. Your management would have more skills and experience than you and definitely appointed your boss on the basis of something which you still could not discover. So never by pass your boss and go to the boss of your boss. You need to concentrate on your responsibilities. What top management do, its their headache.

  53. Ben, you are sexist. (Looking with misogynist eyes.) I am reading a lot of opinions here but only a few understand taking responsibility for oneself. It’s a shame. I find it hard to believe that the people posting on this site have the gaul to complain when 10% of our workforce is unemployed. Suck it up. It’s not the job of the boss to babysit you and make sure you understand anything. You listen, ask where the tools are kept, and do your job. If someone does something unacceptable tell them, don’t go along with it, and if they do it again call the cops or quit but don’t drag it on. Yes, with no training and guidance because if you have any real experience you won’t need it! My niece came out to visit me with her boyfriend and they stayed with us for a few days. I asked him to do some specific yard tasks and he listened and did them well without any detailed instruction. I would hire him in a heartbeat if he comes back to live here. I started a new business this year and I can tell you that all this petty complaining is childish and worthless. It’s not that I don’t understand. That is partially why I no longer work for anyone else and started my own company. But when you are on the other side you don’t want worthless “lip action”. My advise to you is not to “tell the boss of your boss” but rather to cleverly play the game by showing them via proof of their slop along with your being the hero by saving the company. If you can do no better DO NOT COMPLAIN because you will loose your job and look like a whining turd. Just look for a better job situation because you can’t change a company unless it is YOUR company. As for the spolied brats on the T.V. show…who cares? Why blame? Just work it out like your boss told you to. Why? Because you took the job therefore entering a verbal contract saying you would work. So work.

  54. Hello everyone. I know exactly how this all feel’s. I work for a very respected construction company. I’ve worked there for almost 2 year’s. In the beginning it was the roughest thing I’ve ever experinced in a job, especially for how professional this business is supposed to be.. I’ve put up with name calling & flat out harrasment from my boss, Even infront of higher minded one’s.. To top it all off, I happen to have a african-american girlfriend that my boss would alway’s bring up almost everyday.. by discrimenateing her & me by makeing slandering jokes and even saying ni**er lover to me.. I put up with it for the longest time while even when other super’s were aware of it all. I felt as I couldnt say anything even when my loved one is involved as time went by and higher up’s discoverd more of the problem and how disgruntled I was, effect took place and here on out it doesn’t polute my day’s at work anymore. Even though he has stopped but he remain’s to be the bigges’t slacker in the’ office when everyone is aware of it everyday, but as i stand here today I love my job but I still am very unsatisfied by the lack of gratitude I recieve. Thanks everyone.

  55. Wow — this shed MUCH light into a situation I am currently facing at work. I have been at work for 3 years and a person who has been there longer and has a bigger title (mid level manager), is not my boss (thank goodness!!) but thinks and tries to act like she is because her management style is very structural and micro. On the contrary, my actual boss, is amazing and makes me want to be the best workers and I will go above and beyond for her, BUT NOT FOR THE MIDLEVEL MANAGEMENT ‘B–’; the problem is that the mid-level professional, has her hands on too many projects including my own and even has successfully decided it would look good on her profile to get some of the projects only my boss and I used to handle.
    As a professional, I want to work well with ALL despite if I dislike a person I work with, and will;) (Understand that this hate is not disloged or illogical, but this person actually stopped me from going to a policy event (I guess ‘too high’ for me) and my boss (as well as higher management) thought it was weirdness that she did that and ensured me that it will never happen again
    I used to handle, and has prevented important material from being published. At first, when I did not know how F– instrusive she would be, I welcomed her help into our projects (as a team player, they say the more the merrier), but she’s taken it above and beyond and today I refused to meet her. However, I postponed a possible meeting to Monday when my boss asked if we should meet. And can’t help by think about a co-worker telling me that this person was racist and anotehr that she was a monster. In sum, all for lessons help me much in dealing with this situation, as well as what a very wonderful senior level manager told me: “You can hate someone’s guts, but you should still be able to work well with that person.” So be it!

  56. I have been fortunate to work with many great bosses. However, a recent boss was not so good. She based decisions on rumors and gossip rather than our actual production numbers. (We kept daily spreadsheet numbers.) However, I realize now that she was catering to the gossip crowd due to fear. She was new and probably did not want to offend the employees that could go to upper management and spread false gossip about her. Unfortunately, she chose to harass the employees that were not part of the gossip group rather than form her own objective view. Additionally, the company had a high turnover rate in middle management. Our department alone went through 4 managers in under two years! So, there may have been an upper level company culture issue as well.

    I have had experience as a union representative negotiator (with a prior employer) dealing with the VP level management. This experience showed me that a lot more goes on between the upper and middle management levels that most employees do not realize. Oftentimes, speaking with your direct supervisor asking them if they need help or explaining where you are coming from helps diffuse many situations.

    However, if you have an abusive boss or co-workers, address the issue immediately and find a healthy avenue to get out of the situation. Either address it with human resources to ask for assistance along with a transfer to another department or if the problems are symptomatic of a company-wide culture of negativity search for a new job. However, just as with any abusive relationship, the victim must get out immediately! Abusive, toxic work environments cause undue stress that in turn result in harmful physical, mental, and emotional ailments. As for the last place of employment, both my doctor and the doctor of my second to last boss advised each of us to leave the employer for our health. Also, human resources departments need to take these issues seriously. Employee turnover costs the employer time and money for recruitment, training, benefits changes, decreased employee morale and productivity, increased health care, etc.

  57. Wow — this shed MUCH light into a situation I am currently facing at work. I have been at my job for 3 years, but a person who has been there longer and has a bigger title (mid level manager), is not my boss (thank goodness!!) but thinks and tries to act like she is because her management style is very structural and micro. On the contrary, my actual boss, is amazing, work super well with my styple, and makes me want to be the best workers — I am proud to say that I will go above and beyond for her, BUT NOT FOR THE MIDLEVEL MANAGEMENT ‘B–’; the problem is that the mid-level dudette, has her hands on too many projects including my own and even has successfully decided it would look good on her profile to get some of the projects only my boss and I used to handle.As a professional, I aim to work well with ALL despite if I dislike a person I work with;) (Understand that this hate is not disloged or illogical, but this person actually stopped or delayed wonderful publications from getting published and had the audacity to stop me from going to a policy event, which my boss (as well as higher management) thought it was weirdness that she did that and ensured me that it will never happen again. Reason why I can remain at the job.
    At first, when I did not know how F– instrusive she would be, I welcomed her help into our projects, but she’s taken it above and beyond and does not even have the content to make me admire or even understand her work or stupid or rather obstrusive ways of acting. So today, for example, I refused to meet her. Instead, I postponed a possible meeting to Monday after my boss asked if we could meet. And can’t help by think about a co-worker telling me that this person was racist and another noting (rightfully) that she was a monster. In sum, all four lessons help me much in dealing with this situation; what a very wonderful senior level manager told me and I would like to share with you all also helps: “You can hate someone’s guts, but you should still be able to work well with that person.” So be it!

  58. That could be what’s known as a hostile work environment. If your supervisor’s higher-ups were there when you were backed up against the copier, yelled at, and did nothing to him about it ( within your presance, or soon after that incident), you might want file a grievance against him, or talk to a lawyer about what you can do about it. Some will give free consultaion. YOU cannot let his type of behaviortoward you become a habit, or SOP. R.W.

  59. Of all the comments, I agree with TLG the most.

    Working for small family-run companies my whole life has been great. I was given the chance to be in management when I was in my mid-twenties but I didn’t have the life skills to make it work–I let the employees run roughshod over me.

    Now, I’m in my late thirties and have been made the manager over about twenty people. Before I received the title, I was the unofficial manager. The late night phone calls when things went wrong came to me, not to the owners. Training the new employees was my responsibility, not because it was expected of me but because I wanted the new people to be trained correctly.

    Being the official manager has changed things in a small degree. I’ve learned that I can fire someone and still be able to sleep at night. I’ve learned that tears on an employee’s face when she’s denying some wrongdoing doesn’t mean that she’s innocent. And, I’ve learned that the employees that show up to work and do their jobs well in spite of what may be happening in their personal life are the most valuable employees I could ever ask for.

    The funny part of this message is that it may seem like I’m cold-hearted and merciless but I am the exact opposite. My employees know that I care about them and that I will do the best I can to make their lives better as long as they extend the favor back to me. This is a side effect of working in a small tight-knit company.

  60. My name is Joe and I am a 57 year old Senior Director of International Marketing and Sales.
    I have been managing people in my business for now 30 years of my Career.

    I truly enjoyed reading all of the very insightful comments and I felt as someone who is just a common Joe but has had a truly uncommon Career I would like to add just a few observations that have helped me have a very successful and long lasting career. (That is still going strong after all of 34 years and I still love what I do.)

    My observations are as follows.

    1. I do not believe in being a Boss nor necessarily a Friend either. (Sorry Steve being a Friend is important but not necessarily in first place.

    2. I believe as the orginal person who posted this article that employees should never be left in a position that the individuals in the Television Series where left where they are trying to guess what is expected of them by the person who should be directing them.

    3. I don’t believe in Bosses but I do believe in “Leaders”. I have told my working reports for 30 years that the day I have to become your Boss is the day that I will be there to fire you.”Leaders” set examples which others can easily follow. A leader would have simply made a decision and if concerned about feelings (which I believe a Leader should be.) I would talk to the persons involved and explain the reasons for my decisions. I have found this eliminates speculation which is always dreadfully worse than the truth and people deal well with the facts when they are explained to them.

    In my experience, Bosses tell others to do things they don’t wish to do themselves and they feel that they are above ever having to explain their decisions and never need to say they are sorry or they could have handled a situation better than they may have on the 1st time around.

    I am often rebuked today by Executives who tell me I should never have to explain myself to my employees however this I do not believe, but rather the exact opposite.

    When I act as Leader and lead by my example, I may find in the very early stages I may need to invest a little time explaining the decisions that I make. However if I am a good leader and do what I say i will do, very soon my employees (who often do become friends) respect me enough by my actions that I never have to explain myself to them because we have established the most important part of any working relationship called “Trust”.

    So my advice is get rid of the term “Boss” but rather “lead” by the work you do and the “Decisions you make when nobody other than you will make a decision.

    Boss make excuses and Leaders make decisions and lead by example.

    1. Work how you would like others to work and as a Leader set the pace.
    2. Make decisions by your example so others have no doubts about what they should do when encountered with a similar situation.
    3. Treat everyone the way you would wish to be treated.
    4. Recognize that the greatest Leaders in the History of mankind have always first been the greatest servants of their fellowman.
    5. When in doubt or you feel someone’s feelings have been injured. Unlike Jethro Gibbs on NCIS saying a sincere apology is never a sign of weakness but rather it demonstrates the depth of strength possessed by the Greatest Leaders.
    6. Leaders Lead from the front Bosses push from behind and lack the ability to guide the outcome of the efforts that are expended, while a leader pulls and aaides every effort to the exact place for maximum effect and leaves every member of his team a winner.

    I once heard that Bosses are much like a dirty diaper. “Always on your Butt and always full of Crap.”

    The End.

  61. Heather, I completely sympathize with you and the psychopaths in the Atlanta job world. I spent 10 years in school and finally got a degree. I looked and looked for a job in my field, and thought I had found a great entry-level opportunity with great pay. I was dead wrong, and those bastards have destroyed my career because I didn’t quit like you did. I stupidly let them set me up to fire me on their terms, and I knew that was what they were going to do, but everybody told me I could not quit because of my lack of experience and the poor economy. The first time I was asked to sign a paper for poor performance was when I should have refused to sign it and torn it up, forcing her to fire me on MY terms.

    My boss was on a power trip and had very little management experience. She had it out for me, in part because of the same situation you described: she didn’t want to hire me but her superior did. I did not like her from day one, and if I had been told she would be my boss I would have turned down the offer but I was forced into immediate working because of poverty and nobody there to pick up the slack: basically I was starving and had no family members to crash on.

    The next 13 months wore on me like nothing in my life. It was a constant shell game with her, always bullying and changing the rules to fix me. Because of her, I was treated poorly by everybody else in the office. She was a smoker and I wasn’t. Everybody else smoked as well in my department. The clique aspect was also obvious. She also did not train me at all, and she pulled the same game of leaving me with no work to do and putting impossible tasks on me. Everything was used against me on that job, and despite every effort to do a good job (including working long hours) it was to no avail. There was also obvious discrimination against me on two fronts, but they had covered their bases to the point that it would be difficult to prove. I don’t feel like I can ever trust anyone again as well.

    Now I have no career and am also very bitter. I have never hated anyone this much in my life and I can’t get over it until she gets hers. Nobody deserves to be treated this way, but what is obvious is that the system is ALL politics where it’s all who you know and bent to make sure that entry-level workers are shut out or expelled from a career unless they are connected.

    Experience doesn’t grow on trees, and the abuse and treachery I dealt with has left me near homeless and barely surviving on unemployment that keeps being extended. I would have been homeless if my dad hadn’t taken me in for the time. I’m trying some things to hopefully make money soon, but it is difficult when I have no freedom and my parents unrealistic expectations that I will find a job again.

  62. Pingback: Freshers Yaar! » Blog Archive » The boss doesn’t care anymore … so now what?

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  65. relegate-1.to exile(one);to banish;hence to remove or dismiss(a person or thing)thereby putting(such)out of mind or sight. 2.to assign, as to a class or sphere; to consign by classifying or appraising 3, to submit for decision; to delegate.

    delegate- 1; to send as one’s representative; commission; depute, 2, to entrust to the care of management of another, comit. 3.civil law to assign(a debtor of oneself)to a creditor as a debter in place as oneself.

    I think what Cynthia meant was, a good boss would delegate, he or she would tell the employees what to do(It’s for the boss’/manager’s benefit also) and if they(employees) don’t know how, at least show/train them and not relegate (as in meaning no.1 above)them.In easier terms dismiss them without giving a second chance or for no good reason at all.

  66. i have a friend who was hired in a cooperate job. the job is runned by a people who is from a nother country. my friend’s team leader does not like him. he is not good as a leader and does not speak english well and speak very low. when my friend tell him that he did not understand or hear him, he will not repeat or concern himself. the team leader is now going to go to sthe boss and tell him that he should let my friend go. my friend has told human resource about what is going on, but nothing change. my friend does not know what steps to take now. when he was first hired to the company as a manager he was chosen to take his crew to another country for training and his team leader was anger with him becaue he thought that he should have taken them. after theh he has been trying not to help my friend learn his position. please giv some advice as how to handle this situation. the boss is going to listen to the leader

  67. Pingback: PrimeCB » Can You Disagree With Your Boss and Not Lose Your Job?

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