What can a handshake say about you?
By anthony balderrama on Jan 21, 2010 in Featured, Interviews
In the workplace, a handshake is supposed to be a quick gesture that says, “Hello, I’m here, I’m engaged, I’m assertive, I’m professional.” Yes, those few seconds when you grab another person’s hand and move it vertically for a second or two should convey something about you as a person. Ridiculous? Maybe, but people expect it and that means you’re being judged whether or not you want to be.
You might wonder what the big deal is. After all, a handshake’s a handshake. (Unless you’re the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.) But anyone who’s been on the receiving end of a lackluster or awkward shake understands why it matters. Even if you think a handshake is a fleeting gesture, you will make a snap judgment about the person’s presentation in that moment. Well, if it’s good, you might not pay much attention. However, if it’s bad, you will definitely take note.
University of Iowa business professor Greg Stewart conducted a study where students were sent into mock job interviews. In the interviews, the students met handshake raters (whose purpose was not revealed to them) and hiring managers. After the interviews, the handshake raters gave the students a score on their shake. Separately, the hiring managers assessed the students’ interview performance. The students who had the best handshake ratings were also seen as the most hirable candidates. Perhaps not a coincidence. As Stewart points out, job seekers are told time and time again how to dress and answer questions. Handshakes are one of the few moments when personality shines through. Unfortunately, all the wrong parts of a personality can shine through.
A good handshake should consist of a firm grip and a few pumps up and down. Maintain eye contact with the other person while you do this. Remember, everything in moderation. Don’t crush the other person’s hand or pull her arm out of socket while you stare into her eyes like a hypnotist. A normal, controlled handshake is perceived as outgoing and personable, which aren’t bad qualities to display in business.
What don’t you want to convey with your handshake? Here’s a quick guide you might want to keep in your pocket for reference before you head to an interview or meeting.
1. “I get it, you’re stronger than me.”
Your hand is not trying to wring all the juice from a lemon, so please don’t attempt to crush every bone in the other person’s hand—it just makes you look like you’re trying to prove yourself.
2. “Oww!”
An overeager shaker can catch the other person by surprise, so by the time the handshake starts, you’ve got one person grabbing on to four fingers. It’s awkward, yes, and painful for the person whose four fingers are being cracked.
3. “Sure, I guess I’ll pretend to care about meeting you.”
Some people liken this shake to a dead fish. It’s limp and apathetic and very awkward for the other person. Don’t give the impression that you’re disinterested—that’s no way to give a greeting.
4. “We’re now bonded together for eternity.”
An eternal handshake usually comes from people who are a little too happy to greet you or who are extremely nervous and forget to let go. You do a few hand pumps…and then some more…and some more…and finally you start to wonder if you’ve just participated in some sort of wedding ceremony.
5. “Bet you didn’t see that one coming!”
Although in most cases we don’t suggest changing who you are just to fit in with the crowd, the handshake is one instance. Most people use their right hands for a shake, and so if you extend your left hand, you end up with a fumbling, awkward encounter that leads to a strange hybrid of a handshake and an old-fashioned Southern Belle’s greeting (charmed, I’m sure). In this one scenario, follow the crowd and use your right hand.
Ultimately, you want people to remember you, not the handshake. Rarely do I remember a good handshake, and even less often do I hear anyone discuss a great handshake. I do remember the bad ones, and I’ve had people ask me if I remember so-and-so because he gave such a strange, awkward shake. In the grand scheme of things, handshakes aren’t the most important part of life. However, in today’s competitive job market, no one wants to get dismissed for something as frivolous as a handshake, so you might as well put your best hand forward.
Edited to add: I just wanted to say that the comments below raised a point that I failed to make in the entry. Specifically, these guidelines are based on the most commonplace American business standards. As with all professional interaction (whether it’s written communication or body language), you should be aware of your audience. Research the customs and practices of people you’re meeting with, particularly if they are not from the U.S. As displayed by the below comments, cultural differences can alter how a handshake is perceived, and that does affect your first impression. You certainly want to make a good impression and you don’t want to offend your audience.
Bek | Jan 23, 2010 | Reply
It really is something that people just don’t think about. Weak handshakes are something that stick in your mind, and it becomes a focal point about that person, rather than the focal point being their skills or suitability for the job.
I remember being taught how to shake hands in year 7. It seemed stranged then, but I think that now that it’s important.
Kathy | Jan 25, 2010 | Reply
I sometimes get the 4-finger shake when the recipient grabs quick, leaving my palm exposed. I think it’s the man’s idea of how he should be shaking a woman’s hand. It’s almost as if the next step would be to kiss the back of my hand. Yuck!
George | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
In some Latino countries it is considered a threat between men to shake hands firmly. Interesting.
scot | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
when you shake hands with some one your trying to win over turn your hand inward so there hand turns out ward, is a dominating hand shake, a sub dominant hand shake is weak and is easily turned outward,i paid too much money to go to a sales class to find that out, but its true shakes some ones hand and see if you can easily turn there hand out ward just a little dont break it. the firmer hand shakes are great if your in sales as you dont want to show weakness, just like brown eyes are a dominant eye color, try to stare down a tough hand shaker with brown eyes its tough!!
Loraine | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Thank you for addressing the over eager crushing handshake. The “crushers” definitly stick in your memory…a lady named “Patty” seemed to want me to know that she was very powerful through her bone crushing handshake…it actually hurt! After two or three “Patty handshakes” when I saw her coming I would stick my hands in my pocket and just give her a nod!
Starvin Student | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
As a man in my late 20s i’d say that the handshake is very important .. not just in the job market but meeting people as well. its a reflection of your character .. its a way to express a genuine interest on meeting someone or completing a business deal , congratulations etc . a flimsy handshake ,, especially on the first greeting can leave an awkward impression of the other .
laur | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
I have to agree with the article, as it is the bad handshakes you remember (and avoid in the future).
I think a man with a weak handshake is not so much apathetic, but weak in general. Not the guy I want handling my account or something important to me. Definitely not the guy I want to date. The confidence thing applies to women too. I just think that quality reads through in a solid (not squashing) handshake and straight on eye contact with a genuine smile. Pretty simple really.
Jim | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Many men I shake hands with try to crush your hand.
A handshake is a gesture of trust, but some can’t get over their need to dominate or bully others.
I’m actually stronger than most other guys my age, and could probably break the hands of many of the people who do this. But I never respond in kind.
I just jot the letter “A” next to their names in my address book, to remind me that they are a type “A” personality.
Sean | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Would like to see the whole act of shaking hands go away and be replaced with a respectfull bow, thump on the chest, or wave!
Roy | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
A firm handshake is definitely more important than a limp handshake but be careful of grabbing onto a hand that is oviously swollen from arthritis; even a handshake that may seem OK for others can be quite painful to a sufferer of artritis. Just my experience as someone who hires others.
Bruce | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
To prevent you fingers from being cracked as you grab the hand of the other person, place your index finger on their wrist so it is pointing toward the person. This gives your hand more stability and strength should you encounter a bone-cracker.
a-z,1-9 | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
The story left off an important point. First of all, I am not left-handed. If I were I would still shake with my right hand knowing that most people are right-handed. However, if I know someone is a southpaw I extend my left hand. Man, that simple gesture lights up lefties’ eyes. Talk about an impression!
DannyU | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Kathy, I’m glad you brought that up. I know how to shake a mans hand, but when I shake a womans hand I give the 4 finger shake. I guess it’s my way of saying “I recognize your a woman and I am a gentleman”. Is that wrong? Should I give a woman a full blow hand shake?
Jerry Walker | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
ok for you
Rusty | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
I was taught young that a firm handshake is preferable,so I’ve held on to that my entire adult life.As for the Eye contact and duration, that sort of came naturaly. I agree with all the bad handshake prejudices as well,they tend to stick out as unfavorable in ones mind. I was in a job interview once, and the interviewer extended his left hand. I reciprocated left handedly and commented,”A boyscout eh?” (boyscout handshake is left handed) to which I recieved no answer.
Well I didn’t get hired that time around,but when the possition opened a year later, I was hired, I met the same indivisual again,and noticed something I failed to the first time I met him, he had a birth deffect that made his right arm rather short with nubs for fingers. I guess I hadn’t noticed the first time because he was holding a clipboard with that arm.
Needless to say I felt like an ass for my boyscout quip 12 months earlier.
HEATHER | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
I typically extend my left hand…. and just sqeeze the persons offered hand. I tend to touch my face alot and I am right handed so offering my left is actually my defense mechanism in case I can’t wash my hands before inadvertantly touching my face. I always look people in the eye and have a smile on my face, so while I am unconventional and the shake can be awkward, I think that I am charming enough to get away with it.
Jennifer | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
It’s true that the handshakes we remember are the bad ones. The one I remember most vividly is the barely-touching, limp-wristed handshake I got from the husband of a co-worker. It made my skin crawl.
I have received similarly unappealing handshakes from other women, but it’s so much worse coming from a man. The thought that immediately came to mind was “What a wimpy, woosy, girly-man!”.
I’m presuming he thought this type of handshake appropriate for a woman. I HOPE he doesn’t use this style with other men!! (YUCK!!).
FIRM handshakes are better for EVERYONE!
Abby | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
I remember in eighth grade, on the first day of class one of my teachers introducing himself to all the students by going around and shaking hands. When he got to me I shook his hand, looked in the eyes and introduced myself; when I had finished he told the class that is how a hand shake is done. No one had ever taught me this, I just did it naturally.
I’ve come to expect weak and limp hand shakes other women, but I can not stand a weak hand shake from a man, it really influences my opinion of them.
fretso | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
The way one shakes hands is different in culuturesas well, a strong grasp in my culture is disrespectful. the joining of hands is a ritual that both parties are in peace and just the touching is nessecary to acknowledge that
Sydney | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
At the etiquette school that I attended, I was taught that the woman is to offer her hand first for the handshake and if she doesn’t offer her hand then no handshake. Also to mention is the secret handshake of some groups or clubs to signify that both parties belong to the same organization without verbally mentioning the fact.
jimbob | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Nothing worse than a limp handshake, unless it is a limp handshake without make eye contact. A good firm handshake and eye contact conveys so much about a person that creates a good first impression.
Rich | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
When I shake a person’s hand I always let them squeeze my had first.. I then apply the same amount of pressure to their hand. I then move their hand up and down appproximately 3 or 4 times looking them streight in the eyes.
John | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Nothing worse than someone not looking at you when you shake their hand. It’s ridiculously obnoxious. Pretty much saying, “Oh yeah Hi, is there someone else here I should be talking to?”
Jim | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Yes a handshake is kind of important. This is great advice to many Asians who have not yet figured it out. No limp shake. Furthermore, you women should give your first and last name anunciated clearly. It is profesional to have your name clearly stated. If you are a receptionist OK give your first name otherwise be professional and give your whole name. Remember that after maturity hearing decreases. Keep your voice modulated not too high and not that scratchy whine so many have in recent years adopted.
At meetings state what you have to say clearly and absolutely do not get into a babbling contest with other women. Remember, you need to be percieved as a professional.
Also please limit the time wasting birthday, baby shower, engaguement girls club crap as it is the mark of a goldbricker.
Also don’t gang up on anyone you percieve as wounded, that is no henpecking. We are not allowed to punch you in the chops, you must be respectful as well. Do not be overly gossapy. He is probably not doing her!!!
Hope you take this as constructive advice.
Kind regards.
WTF | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
This is the kind of ridiculous small minded mentality that makes me sick. Who gives a flying crap about a handshake. I was told about the proper handshake when young and entering business. Why should I judge someone or be judged by a handshake? These things are so trivial. People with single digit IQ’s care about this meaningless trivial drool. Its like the person who judges another on a first impression, another small minded trivial notion. Havent you ever met anyone who was an asshole or real nice at first, but turned out to be just the opposite.
There are more important things in life than this totaly unimportant issue. And to do studies on something like this is such a waste of time, money and energy.
Get over it people, its meaningless BS.
John | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
As far as offering the right hand, I am a lefty. I watch to see which hand is being offered and shake with that hand.
On an interview I had, one of the people I meet had an atrophied arm and hand. He would offer this hand when meeting a person for the first time. Based upon your reaction and hand shake, your character was quickly assessed. I found out about this character testing skill after being hired and the next person to be interviewed failed that test. This man was in sales and used this same tactic when dealing with clients.
Lewis | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
My uncle taught me how to shake someones hand correctly and how not to do it at a young age. He’s a business man. I’ve always remembered this and am in firm belief that it’s true. When someone gives me a limp hand or a weak grip…I’m telling myself that this person is weak or has no social graces. Sad but true. The handshake tells everything about you. I hate lame hand shakers. Learn the rules people!
Lewis-Seattle
scott | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Do I really want these people’s germs? What is it when they want to prove that they are bigger, stronger, or more aggressive? Is this what we use in our society to judge morals, intelligence, and most importantly, a person’s ability to convey their character?
Denissr | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
I used try to give a good hand shake. Now that I’ve aged and have a little arthritis, I don’t have a good grip any longer. Plus those people that really try and squeeze your hand really causes a lot of pain to me. Now when I go somewhere I think there will be a lot of handshaking I wear a brace or ace bandage and beg off on the handshake.
CSW | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Its really funny because, WTF, your world must be so small that you have never been taught the importance of a first impression or the fact that you must work in a minimal job not to understand the importance of it. As a woman, when a man hands off a weaker handshake than me, I immediately remember the awkwardness of it and instantly assume he must be gay or at the least very feminine. You must be a weak handshaker and small minded.
Jack | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Agreed! It’s stupid, but, still necessary I guess for some lame so-n-so.
"big boss" | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
I always crush the hand of sobordinates so they realize i run the show
josh | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
i worked in a car dealership for a few years, and handshakes in sales are definitely important. but whenever i got the person who refused the handshake or turned their nose up or back on me when i offered, well they got another salesperson. actually on a bad month i got in trouble for confronting a non-shaker, just out of principle. i got sent home since i made the customer leave, but when i returned i got a couple of “house” deals from my manager for respect
Eric | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Well George we are not in Latin America, and that is how things are done inthe US. I have a nephew that is well educated but has not been able to find a job since being laid off by Intel and he has the weakest limpest handshake I have ever experienced, after reading this I have to believe that has been part of his difficulty
tamisyn | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
One thing I wanted to mention. A handshake may be perceived differently depending on culture. The Navajo people have a personal space thing?. I mean, it’s rude to invade another’s space without being invited…dropping by to visit uninvited, etc. Handshaking is something that they have allowed to enter their culture, but most don’t really like it. As a volleyball coach, we traveled to a few reservation high schools to play. I heard many comments from other coaches who “complained” about the limp-fish type handshakes from the coaches of these schools. I tried explaining the cultural differences, but they just didn’t get it. Oh well…so not everyone “reads” handshakes the same way.
josh | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
also, offering the left hand is not appropriate to Arabs and mid-Easterners– the majority of those peoples dont use toilet paper, simply water and their left hand to wipe. so you can see how offering the left hand can be a sign of disrespect to some
Marion | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
My pet peeve is the manniquin (sp). The hand is stuck straight out with fingers togetherand ridgid.
Rick | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
My father taught me when I was 5 years old, shake a person’s hand like you mean it. If not, then don’t even bother. I’ve carried that with me my whole life, and I really can’t help myself when I draw an instant bad impression when I get a wimpy handshake from another man. On another note that no one has mentioned…I’ve read that a man should only offer his hand for a shake to a woman if she offers hers first. I’ve tried to adhere to that, but on many occassions, I’ve ’sensed’ that the woman was waiting for me to offer my hand first, and then I stand there awkwardly, not really knowing what to do. Any help, anyone?
Andrew | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
It would be more professional if you spelled your words correctly.
Diane L. | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
In today’s world of germ-conscious folks, handshakes are becoming a bit rare – and in some societies, extending the right hand is considered bad manners. I never take the initiative in handshakes – but if someone extends their hand to me, I grab it warmly and enthusiastically with my left hand and give them a big smile – seems to go over well – and besides I have always liked doing things in my own way. Gives people something to think about.
Simon | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Just a quick pointer… it is still considered impolite to extend your hand to a lady UNLESS she extends hers first. When she does, shake like you would a man, except firmly and delicately simultaneously. She’ll appreciate you for it as well as recognising your manliness with the firmlness. If she tends to grip you too firmly, remain with your firm yet soft grip. She might be simply a bit over zealous as she strives to assert her strong personality
gerry | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
I think americans should adopt bowing instead of handshakes like in asian countries. It decreases the chance of the transfer of less germs, not to mention its easier than a handshake. Or better yet, Wave
Ilah | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Can we get rid of this barbaric ancient ritual? It’s disgusting! I don’t know where those hands have been? With the number of people I see leaving the bathroom without washing their hands and my husband says that among men that percentage is even higher. Yuck! I’m with Mr. Monk, had me a wipe, PLEASE! I think judging someone on their handshake really lame.
Also, men, it is considered bad manners to put your hand out to shake a woman’s hand unless she extends her’s first! And I won’t, because I really don’t want to shake your wee-knee fingers!
Yvonne | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Jim,
I honestly had to laugh at your post. It struck me as something a middle-management employee would be saying….in the 1960’s! Why do you assume that women are automatically the receptionist and not the vice president? But I have to say, your comments about screeching voices, henpecking, babbling and birthday parties was ever so helpful (that’s sarcasm). Oh, and FYI the word is ENUNCIATE, not anunciate. So before you decide to hand out free career building advice, perhaps you’d better learn to spell and present your ideas in a less offensive, more intelligent sounding way. Because you sound like an idiot.
Trudy Grittings | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
A person who (including many religionists) who immoderately grasps a hand weakly or strongly, too abruptly or longedly, dryly or sweatedly, reaching out or pulling in, sideways, upwards or downwards, clingingly or glancingly, lacking speach synchronicity does not exhibit a certain socially-required spontanaety or charm.
The worst is one who, in chamelean fashion grasps in whatever manner, focuses his or her gaze on the visage of another person and grunts a sacharine-sweet salutation without substance – he or she may be so self-absorbed that you may feel offended to the point of feeling virtually molested by your opposite who would be best situated shaking himself or herself in a public washroom
bigjimmy | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
rich is right, that is the best way to go. I will usually match whatever the other person does. If it’s a super limp handshake I will go a little harder though. If someone is squeezing too hard I will give them a tight squeeze back and then disengage the handshake.
If I want to make someone nervous I will gently rub the top of the hand I am shaking with my left hand as I stare deeply into their eyes
ED | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
I am a man, I shake hands with a man, like a man! Ladies , I give them what
they prefer, either an easy hug or a light handshake, or a loooong hard hug
whatever they fell comfortable with! I HATE a man to give me his hand to
shake “limp fish”. I think a sissy hand shake from a man is an insult!
kathleen | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
I have rheumatoid arthritis and shaking people’s hands is always a problem for me. I cannot squeeze one’s hand and if they squeeze mine, I actually can get physically hurt by it. It is not a great predicament to be in. No one wants to know my personal health problems and therefore I don’t want to launch into a diatribe about it with people I am just meeting, yet I don’t want them to base my character on my lackluster handshake. One more thing for everyone to think about. And if anyone has experience with this and has any suggestions, I would love to hear about them.
Bonnie | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
I know we live in American, but I do believe that a more cultural article would be helpful for men and women traveling the globe. A WASP handshake in american mano-a-mano works well. It won’t be cukturally accepted in other non-anglo countries. As a woman, if I wen tup to a Sheik with the firm handshake my Dady taught me, I would not be able to do much business in his country!
Lesley | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
I’m all for that one. I am a women and I don’t really care for shaking hands so I probably come across as limp-wristed or uninterested. I’ld just as soon skip it.
Mack | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
wow, some of you people take handshakes way too seriously! Besides, regular handshakes are sooo 20th century,you gotta go with the fist pound or if you wanna get retro, there’s always the Roman shake where you grasp the other dude’s forearm. Salve citizen!
Native | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
YOu have to be really careful about this one. #1 – How strong are you compared to the one your going to shake hands with. I would never shake a womans hand like I shake a mans. Plus, being Native American, we do not shake hands firmly at all. Its not limp or fishy, but it’s just light and only one or two shakes. In our culture, it is offensive to shake someones hand firmly. It means, I am offending you and I don’t like you so I am disrespecting you. It is a challenge. So knowing who’s hand you are shaking is important too. I am 5′11, 220 lbs and I lift weights every day. I bench 400 lbs and squat 500 lbs. So if I shake someones hand with that strength, it could be harmful. There are a lot of things to consider.
Bubba | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
I once gave a dude a limp handshake because I was tired. He called me weak. I proceeded to punch him in the mouth wherein he retracted his mistaken judgement. Bene.
Steph | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
I would definitely saty away from you.
Greenfield | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
What’s wrong WTF, you have a weak handshake?
“Havent you ever met anyone who was an asshole or real nice at first, but turned out to be just the opposite.” Yep, WTF. First impression is that you’re an asshole, and you’re probably not gonna turn out to be the exact opposite.
“There are more important things in life than this totaly unimportant issue.” Like wasting your time reading and responding? Hmmm….
“Get over it people, its meaningless BS.” Fact is, this stuff is human nature. Maybe you should take your own advice: Get over it. Oh, and stop whining.
Steph | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
oops, typed too fast, *stay
Wes Sprague | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
I’d say that if someone gives you an overbearing handshake, it never hurts to make some light humor out of it right then and there to even the score. It shows you’re not bothered by it.
“Oh, that’s quite a grip you’ve got there. Impressive…”
Remember, it’s just a handshake.
Pete | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
I wish we could do away with Lawyers, and Contracts and go back to the standard our world was built on….A Handshake. A firm genuine handshake speaks volumes about a person, and used to be worth as much as your word…
Raphael | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Reading all the advice on the HR websites I am SOOO glad to be a professional. Sure it took 20 yrs of school with almost no leisure time in the meantime – but I would go crazy from having to be a regular job-seeker and being judged on BS like that.
“Yes I can desing that system the way you want and yes you are going to save 2 million dollars.”
The above, with a proven track-record of more of the same works better than any handshake or eye-contact, or smile or anything else.
And BTW – my Resume has 14 pages total or 3 pages in the short form. Nobody ever had a problem with it and yes – people would read it all.
Amy | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
The funny thing about YOU, CSW, is that your world and mind must be so small that you base your entire impression of a man based on the amount of pressure he uses to squeeze your hand. Even funnier, if the person does not squeeze your hand hard enough, you automatically assume he must be gay and basically write him off as such. Are gay men not welcome in your very important, big girl business? Learn some tact.
damon | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
I was always tought just to meet the other person’s hand shake. If they shake strong meet that. If they shake weak meet that. It always works. Not to hard not to soft
Rob | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
My old man taught me the value of a proper handshake when I was 5. It has served me well thourghout the years. I always assumed that it was a simple thing but more and more I come accross people that just don’t have a clue. That being said it is always fun to screw with people and give them the deadhands or the single pump. If you give a person deadhands it is like a declaration that you are too good for them, which I never feel to be the case but it is fun to see the look on someones face. This is also fun to do to good friends once and a while. It’s like the handshake version of “Hey you got something on your shirt” and hit their nose. Kinda lame, I know, but don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. And the single pump is awesome too. One strong up and down motion with a firm grip. If you can single pump a guy, you own him. He won’t know what to do. If two people pull the single pump at the same time it’s like finding out that you’re both part of the same secret club and there is automatic mutual respect, or perhaps a staredown to determine who’s the boss. Both are a lot of fun and I suggest you all try them.
Jon | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
All the people complaining about dead fish hand shakes are crushers, and all the people complaining about crushing hand shakes are dead fishers.
jpoz | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Always shake a womans hand the same as you would a man.
I hate when men or women for that matter give me the 4 finger shake.
And yes, it always goes through my mind that that person is lacking self confidence.
Just one woman’s opinion
Oldtimer | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
I am a former power/weight lifter. I have large forearms that must take people aback because I seldom get a handshake that isn’t more of an attempt at self-defense by the person I am greeting. It is discouraging to have someone grab your fingers, or try to grip your hand in such a way that you can’t close your fingers. It is never my intention to intimidate new aquaintances, but I seldom get a genuinely friendly handshake.
I actually get my best handshakes from women.
So Vanilla | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
The only question I have is how to learn all the complicated “black” handshakes used by young adults of all races. How do these kids, no matter where they live, somehow know the latest handshake? Is there a website somewhere that keeps people updated? I always feel so lame when I do the “regular” shake and the person I am greeting starts doing something else and I have no idea how to respond.
Becca | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
when traveling in the middle East I was frequently reminded to not offer to shake a man’s hand until he offered first. in some cultures it was considered uncouth for a woman to touch let alone shake a man’s hand.
Trudy Grittings | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Native – go Native Go! I am a 6′2″ Native woman of inordinate strength and weight 138# of springy blue steel. All of this is finessed with 20 years of martial arts seasoning – try sterotypically to wet-shake my hand and you’ll have to learn one-handed bench presses and, on “the other hand”, if you try crunching my hand, you’ll be so much suet on a neighbouring wall or tree.
No offence meant, but fatal distracton will have its day!
D | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
My girlfriend’s father is from El Salvador. Just like any b/f meeting their g/f’s father, you always want to give a great impression by shaking his hand firmly. However, when I shake his hand, its like a limp fish. On top of it he looks away – every time. I thought it might be because I’m white, don’t speak fluent Spanish or I’m not good enough for his daughter. Someone mentioned earlier on this post that it can be a threatening motion to some Latinos if its a strong hand shake. I sort of had that in the back of my mind, but I just thought he was unaware of how to shake hands. Go figure. At least he offers me a beer every time I come over so that a bonus.
Doug Sokolowski | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
At my Company, I only hire men to be supervisors. I hire women to be clerks and receptionists. The men are judged on things like handshakes, while the women are judged by their looks and personality. You may not like it, but that’s how me maintain a traditional, successful business.
DUH | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
CSW,
That’s the point WTF is making. You are the people he is referencing. I get that that’s how it IS in our society. I think WTF’s point is that is stupidity at it’s finest. You judging a man’s character by his handshake is no different than me judging your character by the shape of your eyebrows. It’s typical of women to make hasty character- defining judgements of men based on petty things. That’s how women are so easily fooled by ‘players’. Players are smart enough to know if you follow rules A-F, you’re going home tonight with this chick, because she’s shallow enough to judge your character based on the pants you wear, the style of your hair, your handshake, etc…nothing that matters.
Now, I am a man, I do have a firm handshake, taught to me since I was young so don’t start making random assumptions.
My point to WTF would be, while you may not agree with the principle, and I don’t either, unfortunately, that’s how it is in our society today. You can’t change it, so it’s one of those things you just have to accept.
Amy | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Thank you Jim, for giving me advice my mother gave me in the 3rd grade about how to not act like a little girl. Are you aware that this article and comment space are about handshakes in the workplace, not about you airing your own sexist grievances toward women? While we’re at it then, I’ll give YOU some free advice. Try not to act like a total chauvanistic douchebag. Even a firm handshake can’t remedy that.
haskell | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Handshaking is the most discussing thing we do on a daily bases with people we don’t know
think about where that hand has been. So many people have very bad hygiene habits
Just a though next time you throw your hand out to someone you don’t really know as they leave the restroom or just picked their what ever
BArry Spaeth | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Yeah, I agree with Sean. HAndshking in this H1N1 age, with hand sanitizers everywhere, should be done away with. Why don’t we have the courage to delete this archaic ceremony?
At church, where the men shake hands, but the women do not, I grab peoples’ forearms and force them to grab mine. they are used to me doing that now.
BONE CRACKER | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
I try and break bones when I shake, it’s my way of saying if I dont get the job I will crush your face….never lost a job……. but I’m in the construction bissness so that might be why
Rick | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Lets set it straight! If you have arthritis or some hand illness and you give a weak shake, your excused. But when you extend your hand in business to greet someone and they blatently give you a limp hand or look away…that is down right rude and I don’t want to work with you. I realize that some people are uptight about germs and a scared of touching someones hand…big deal…get over it…wash your hands. I feel lucky that that I was taught social graces at a young age. I feel bad that some people weren’t! Can’t we all just shake hands and get along!
lbart | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Heather, a left handed shake is just bad manners in this country, and marks you as odd, not cute. The right handed shake originated to show that a person (usually male) was not carrying weapons. Also, some cultures only use their left hand to wipe their behinds, so be careful of the cultural differences when greeting strangers!
TodAG | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
From years of interviews, I’ve come to hate the interviewers with wimpy limp & sweaty handshakes. I’ve always kept in mind to give a good, firm handshake. Just a bit of a squeeze, a solid “pump” and then get to the interview.
Joe | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Good thing we’re not in a Latino country, huh? We live in a place where a firm handshake is appreciated. No limp, dish-rag shakes here. It’s just too bad that it USED to be a person’s word was as good as his handshake. But, the world today is run by those that couldn’t care less about what you have to say, just what’s in it for for ME. So, with all the lawyers we have today, the fear of H1N1 and other diseases, the internet, texting, tweeting, faxing, emailing and “head-hunters,” why do we still need handshakes?
Melissa | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
I just encountered an overly powerful handshake from a very small man at a networking event I recently attended. This was his first event and was definitely trying to stand out with his so-called “firm” handshake. I won’t be shaking his hand ever again. It’s great to be confident, but you could tell he was being overly assertive. He definitely needs to get a clue!
linda rachel scrivanich | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Head, hands, feet all full of energy; it’s either a dance meant to be or not. Pure energy always is full of the truth, what we all really want out of the Big Handshake of Business; Relax, @ the end of the day it is business. Lets’ shake on it and yes respect fine viewpnts/opinions
Steph | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
As a writer/reporter, I meet lots of people all the time of course. Im in my early 20s and im just working in launching my career. In my short experience, yes you can size a person up by the way they shake hands. (But it’s not 100 percent true cause other things help define a person.)
I believe I have a professional clean cut handshake. But I have to tell you that when it comes to meeting men for interviews, some men definitely take it over the top as if they want to emphasize how “powerful”, “stronger” and “viril” they are. Idk if its because im female and they expect a limp handshake. Or if they feel threatened or want to make it clear that im inferior to them lol.
Trust me guys, it’s annoying and in my mind I know you are a weakling behind that bonecrushing handshake.
And don’t say its because you are strong or thats how men shake hands with each other , or lift 300lb weights etc.. One can tell when you are trying too hard. Just like when a woman in a bar is wearing super revealing clothes that leave little to the imagination. What’s your thought on that? yep, she’s trying too hard.
Same with the handshake boys.
Jim | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Amy you misy me, please aim straighter.
Roger | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
I got a ‘dead fish’ handshake form a senior exec once and immediately got the impression that he was a fake. This was later born out at a luncheon where he supposedly wanted to get to ‘know’ his employees. We were all wearing nametags but he called me ‘Richard’. The man is a fake and a phony.
Jim | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Very well said and presented Linda. You are a joy to read. Origional and right on target with a gift of expression.
Jim | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
Dear Yvonne, glad my post reached you and brightened your day. I am usually more charming but the handshake stuff hit my idiot button and there I go. By the by I am an idiot with a Ph.D. in a scientific discapline. Not middle management. What’s the line about ass ume. Anyway Yvonne you have yourself a wonderful weekend and please consider the wisdon that I laid on you. Could help with the thick head problem.
CSW-is-an-idiot | Feb 6, 2010 | Reply
CSW, your comments are judgmental and narrow minded. you should be ashamed of your assumptions on EVERY point you made on your response! (original message posted below)… you should look at your “small” minded views before you belittle someone else!
…and everyone complaining about weak/strong handshakers: maybe some people are shy, nervous or haven’t perfected this pre-judging custom yet…
…here’s a thought (!!!!): they may even be great workers and fit the company’s personnel culture well! as interviewers, you should look deeper than initial first impressions. yes, sometimes they are right, but what if you dismissed the “perfect WORKer” based on a few-second shake and interview. I’ve seen many people who give great interviews get the job but made horrible workers (ethics) and co-workers…
yes, it’s taken many years for me to learn the shake–and i still mess up time to time. i just say: “opps, i missed your hand”, and give a big smile and eye contact to the person to reassure a positive recovery. practice helps a little but doesn’t guarantee perfection at a stressful moment.
i agree, we should go back to bowing like from our pre-colonial days, nay the curtsey!
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CSW | Feb 5, 2010 | Reply
…your world must be so small that you have never been taught the importance of a first impression or the fact that you must work in a minimal job not to understand the importance of it. As a woman, when a man hands off a weaker handshake than me, I immediately remember the awkwardness of it and instantly assume he must be gay or at the least very feminine. You must be a weak handshaker and small minded.
Amanda S. | Feb 6, 2010 | Reply
I’m Native American and a good handshake is expected and more than welcome. A person who doesn’t shake hands is very awkward, and waving “Hi” is more than rude. I don’t care where you hands have been I ALWAYS wash mine.
Claire | Feb 17, 2010 | Reply
I’m a female HR Manager and I promise you handshakes often make the difference between two or three equally qualified people. If a woman gives me the limp or 4 finger handshake; she’s got to have a lot more going for her than the other candidates. Likewise if I get a real crusher, you probably won’t get the job. I was taught a firm handshake when I was an adolescent and have on more than one occassion been complimented on it; usually by men who must get a lot of flimsy handshakes from women.
And to Heather: darling you might think you’re charming enough to overcome your “unusual” handshake but HR Mgrs look at that a whole different way. Maybe you’re too special to work as a team player; always looking for a little too much attention; non-conformist….In some areas that might be a desirable trait but not in most professions. When your on an interview you can convey those traits after you’ve impressed the interviewer; not before she’s even met you.
Carla | Feb 18, 2010 | Reply
This article only reflects the American mainstream cultural biases. My experience in some Native American communities was that a firm handshake showed a lack of respect or consideration. A light hand with a gentle clasp was much preferred.