When your boss forgets to be the boss

i have a friend who was hired in a cooperate job. the job is runned by a people who is from a nother country. my friend's team leader does not like him. he is not good as a leader and does not speak english well and speak very low. when my friend tell him that he did not understand or hear him, he will not repeat or concern himself. the team leader is now going to go to sthe boss and tell him that he should let my friend go. my friend has told human resource about what is going on, but nothing change. my friend does not know what steps to take now. when he was first hired to the company as a manager he was chosen to take his crew to another country for training and his team leader was anger with him becaue he thought that he should have taken them. after theh he has been trying not to help my friend learn his position. please giv some advice as how to handle this situation. the boss is going to listen to the leader

relegate-1.to exile(one);to banish;hence to remove or dismiss(a person or thing)thereby putting(such)out of mind or sight. 2.to assign, as to a class or sphere; to consign by classifying or appraising 3, to submit for decision; to delegate.

delegate- 1; to send as one's representative; commission; depute, 2, to entrust to the care of management of another, comit. 3.civil law to assign(a debtor of oneself)to a creditor as a debter in place as oneself.

I think what Cynthia meant was, a good boss would delegate, he or she would tell the employees what to do(It's for the boss'/manager's benefit also) and if they(employees) don't know how, at least show/train them and not relegate (as in meaning no.1 above)them.In easier terms dismiss them without giving a second chance or for no good reason at all.

Heather, I completely sympathize with you and the psychopaths in the Atlanta job world. I spent 10 years in school and finally got a degree. I looked and looked for a job in my field, and thought I had found a great entry-level opportunity with great pay. I was dead wrong, and those bastards have destroyed my career because I didn't quit like you did. I stupidly let them set me up to fire me on their terms, and I knew that was what they were going to do, but everybody told me I could not quit because of my lack of experience and the poor economy. The first time I was asked to sign a paper for poor performance was when I should have refused to sign it and torn it up, forcing her to fire me on MY terms.

My boss was on a power trip and had very little management experience. She had it out for me, in part because of the same situation you described: she didn't want to hire me but her superior did. I did not like her from day one, and if I had been told she would be my boss I would have turned down the offer but I was forced into immediate working because of poverty and nobody there to pick up the slack: basically I was starving and had no family members to crash on.

The next 13 months wore on me like nothing in my life. It was a constant shell game with her, always bullying and changing the rules to fix me. Because of her, I was treated poorly by everybody else in the office. She was a smoker and I wasn't. Everybody else smoked as well in my department. The clique aspect was also obvious. She also did not train me at all, and she pulled the same game of leaving me with no work to do and putting impossible tasks on me. Everything was used against me on that job, and despite every effort to do a good job (including working long hours) it was to no avail. There was also obvious discrimination against me on two fronts, but they had covered their bases to the point that it would be difficult to prove. I don't feel like I can ever trust anyone again as well.

Now I have no career and am also very bitter. I have never hated anyone this much in my life and I can't get over it until she gets hers. Nobody deserves to be treated this way, but what is obvious is that the system is ALL politics where it's all who you know and bent to make sure that entry-level workers are shut out or expelled from a career unless they are connected.

Experience doesn't grow on trees, and the abuse and treachery I dealt with has left me near homeless and barely surviving on unemployment that keeps being extended. I would have been homeless if my dad hadn't taken me in for the time. I'm trying some things to hopefully make money soon, but it is difficult when I have no freedom and my parents unrealistic expectations that I will find a job again.

My name is Joe and I am a 57 year old Senior Director of International Marketing and Sales.
I have been managing people in my business for now 30 years of my Career.

I truly enjoyed reading all of the very insightful comments and I felt as someone who is just a common Joe but has had a truly uncommon Career I would like to add just a few observations that have helped me have a very successful and long lasting career. (That is still going strong after all of 34 years and I still love what I do.)

My observations are as follows.

1. I do not believe in being a Boss nor necessarily a Friend either. (Sorry Steve being a Friend is important but not necessarily in first place.

2. I believe as the orginal person who posted this article that employees should never be left in a position that the individuals in the Television Series where left where they are trying to guess what is expected of them by the person who should be directing them.

3. I don't believe in Bosses but I do believe in "Leaders". I have told my working reports for 30 years that the day I have to become your Boss is the day that I will be there to fire you."Leaders" set examples which others can easily follow. A leader would have simply made a decision and if concerned about feelings (which I believe a Leader should be.) I would talk to the persons involved and explain the reasons for my decisions. I have found this eliminates speculation which is always dreadfully worse than the truth and people deal well with the facts when they are explained to them.

In my experience, Bosses tell others to do things they don't wish to do themselves and they feel that they are above ever having to explain their decisions and never need to say they are sorry or they could have handled a situation better than they may have on the 1st time around.

I am often rebuked today by Executives who tell me I should never have to explain myself to my employees however this I do not believe, but rather the exact opposite.

When I act as Leader and lead by my example, I may find in the very early stages I may need to invest a little time explaining the decisions that I make. However if I am a good leader and do what I say i will do, very soon my employees (who often do become friends) respect me enough by my actions that I never have to explain myself to them because we have established the most important part of any working relationship called "Trust".

So my advice is get rid of the term "Boss" but rather "lead" by the work you do and the "Decisions you make when nobody other than you will make a decision.

Boss make excuses and Leaders make decisions and lead by example.

1. Work how you would like others to work and as a Leader set the pace.
2. Make decisions by your example so others have no doubts about what they should do when encountered with a similar situation.
3. Treat everyone the way you would wish to be treated.
4. Recognize that the greatest Leaders in the History of mankind have always first been the greatest servants of their fellowman.
5. When in doubt or you feel someone's feelings have been injured. Unlike Jethro Gibbs on NCIS saying a sincere apology is never a sign of weakness but rather it demonstrates the depth of strength possessed by the Greatest Leaders.
6. Leaders Lead from the front Bosses push from behind and lack the ability to guide the outcome of the efforts that are expended, while a leader pulls and aaides every effort to the exact place for maximum effect and leaves every member of his team a winner.

I once heard that Bosses are much like a dirty diaper. "Always on your Butt and always full of Crap."

The End.

Of all the comments, I agree with TLG the most.

Working for small family-run companies my whole life has been great. I was given the chance to be in management when I was in my mid-twenties but I didn't have the life skills to make it work--I let the employees run roughshod over me.

Now, I'm in my late thirties and have been made the manager over about twenty people. Before I received the title, I was the unofficial manager. The late night phone calls when things went wrong came to me, not to the owners. Training the new employees was my responsibility, not because it was expected of me but because I wanted the new people to be trained correctly.

Being the official manager has changed things in a small degree. I've learned that I can fire someone and still be able to sleep at night. I've learned that tears on an employee's face when she's denying some wrongdoing doesn't mean that she's innocent. And, I've learned that the employees that show up to work and do their jobs well in spite of what may be happening in their personal life are the most valuable employees I could ever ask for.

The funny part of this message is that it may seem like I'm cold-hearted and merciless but I am the exact opposite. My employees know that I care about them and that I will do the best I can to make their lives better as long as they extend the favor back to me. This is a side effect of working in a small tight-knit company.

That could be what's known as a hostile work environment. If your supervisor's higher-ups were there when you were backed up against the copier, yelled at, and did nothing to him about it ( within your presance, or soon after that incident), you might want file a grievance against him, or talk to a lawyer about what you can do about it. Some will give free consultaion. YOU cannot let his type of behaviortoward you become a habit, or SOP. R.W.

Wow — this shed MUCH light into a situation I am currently facing at work. I have been at my job for 3 years, but a person who has been there longer and has a bigger title (mid level manager), is not my boss (thank goodness!!) but thinks and tries to act like she is because her management style is very structural and micro. On the contrary, my actual boss, is amazing, work super well with my styple, and makes me want to be the best workers -- I am proud to say that I will go above and beyond for her, BUT NOT FOR THE MIDLEVEL MANAGEMENT ‘B–’; the problem is that the mid-level dudette, has her hands on too many projects including my own and even has successfully decided it would look good on her profile to get some of the projects only my boss and I used to handle.As a professional, I aim to work well with ALL despite if I dislike a person I work with;) (Understand that this hate is not disloged or illogical, but this person actually stopped or delayed wonderful publications from getting published and had the audacity to stop me from going to a policy event, which my boss (as well as higher management) thought it was weirdness that she did that and ensured me that it will never happen again. Reason why I can remain at the job.
At first, when I did not know how F– instrusive she would be, I welcomed her help into our projects, but she’s taken it above and beyond and does not even have the content to make me admire or even understand her work or stupid or rather obstrusive ways of acting. So today, for example, I refused to meet her. Instead, I postponed a possible meeting to Monday after my boss asked if we could meet. And can’t help by think about a co-worker telling me that this person was racist and another noting (rightfully) that she was a monster. In sum, all four lessons help me much in dealing with this situation; what a very wonderful senior level manager told me and I would like to share with you all also helps: “You can hate someone’s guts, but you should still be able to work well with that person.” So be it!

I have been fortunate to work with many great bosses. However, a recent boss was not so good. She based decisions on rumors and gossip rather than our actual production numbers. (We kept daily spreadsheet numbers.) However, I realize now that she was catering to the gossip crowd due to fear. She was new and probably did not want to offend the employees that could go to upper management and spread false gossip about her. Unfortunately, she chose to harass the employees that were not part of the gossip group rather than form her own objective view. Additionally, the company had a high turnover rate in middle management. Our department alone went through 4 managers in under two years! So, there may have been an upper level company culture issue as well.

I have had experience as a union representative negotiator (with a prior employer) dealing with the VP level management. This experience showed me that a lot more goes on between the upper and middle management levels that most employees do not realize. Oftentimes, speaking with your direct supervisor asking them if they need help or explaining where you are coming from helps diffuse many situations.

However, if you have an abusive boss or co-workers, address the issue immediately and find a healthy avenue to get out of the situation. Either address it with human resources to ask for assistance along with a transfer to another department or if the problems are symptomatic of a company-wide culture of negativity search for a new job. However, just as with any abusive relationship, the victim must get out immediately! Abusive, toxic work environments cause undue stress that in turn result in harmful physical, mental, and emotional ailments. As for the last place of employment, both my doctor and the doctor of my second to last boss advised each of us to leave the employer for our health. Also, human resources departments need to take these issues seriously. Employee turnover costs the employer time and money for recruitment, training, benefits changes, decreased employee morale and productivity, increased health care, etc.

Wow -- this shed MUCH light into a situation I am currently facing at work. I have been at work for 3 years and a person who has been there longer and has a bigger title (mid level manager), is not my boss (thank goodness!!) but thinks and tries to act like she is because her management style is very structural and micro. On the contrary, my actual boss, is amazing and makes me want to be the best workers and I will go above and beyond for her, BUT NOT FOR THE MIDLEVEL MANAGEMENT 'B--'; the problem is that the mid-level professional, has her hands on too many projects including my own and even has successfully decided it would look good on her profile to get some of the projects only my boss and I used to handle.
As a professional, I want to work well with ALL despite if I dislike a person I work with, and will;) (Understand that this hate is not disloged or illogical, but this person actually stopped me from going to a policy event (I guess 'too high' for me) and my boss (as well as higher management) thought it was weirdness that she did that and ensured me that it will never happen again
I used to handle, and has prevented important material from being published. At first, when I did not know how F-- instrusive she would be, I welcomed her help into our projects (as a team player, they say the more the merrier), but she's taken it above and beyond and today I refused to meet her. However, I postponed a possible meeting to Monday when my boss asked if we should meet. And can't help by think about a co-worker telling me that this person was racist and anotehr that she was a monster. In sum, all for lessons help me much in dealing with this situation, as well as what a very wonderful senior level manager told me: "You can hate someone's guts, but you should still be able to work well with that person." So be it!

Hello everyone. I know exactly how this all feel's. I work for a very respected construction company. I've worked there for almost 2 year's. In the beginning it was the roughest thing I've ever experinced in a job, especially for how professional this business is supposed to be.. I've put up with name calling & flat out harrasment from my boss, Even infront of higher minded one's.. To top it all off, I happen to have a african-american girlfriend that my boss would alway's bring up almost everyday.. by discrimenateing her & me by makeing slandering jokes and even saying ni**er lover to me.. I put up with it for the longest time while even when other super's were aware of it all. I felt as I couldnt say anything even when my loved one is involved as time went by and higher up's discoverd more of the problem and how disgruntled I was, effect took place and here on out it doesn't polute my day's at work anymore. Even though he has stopped but he remain's to be the bigges't slacker in the' office when everyone is aware of it everyday, but as i stand here today I love my job but I still am very unsatisfied by the lack of gratitude I recieve. Thanks everyone.

Ben, you are sexist. (Looking with misogynist eyes.) I am reading a lot of opinions here but only a few understand taking responsibility for oneself. It's a shame. I find it hard to believe that the people posting on this site have the gaul to complain when 10% of our workforce is unemployed. Suck it up. It's not the job of the boss to babysit you and make sure you understand anything. You listen, ask where the tools are kept, and do your job. If someone does something unacceptable tell them, don't go along with it, and if they do it again call the cops or quit but don't drag it on. Yes, with no training and guidance because if you have any real experience you won't need it! My niece came out to visit me with her boyfriend and they stayed with us for a few days. I asked him to do some specific yard tasks and he listened and did them well without any detailed instruction. I would hire him in a heartbeat if he comes back to live here. I started a new business this year and I can tell you that all this petty complaining is childish and worthless. It's not that I don't understand. That is partially why I no longer work for anyone else and started my own company. But when you are on the other side you don't want worthless "lip action". My advise to you is not to "tell the boss of your boss" but rather to cleverly play the game by showing them via proof of their slop along with your being the hero by saving the company. If you can do no better DO NOT COMPLAIN because you will loose your job and look like a whining turd. Just look for a better job situation because you can't change a company unless it is YOUR company. As for the spolied brats on the T.V. show...who cares? Why blame? Just work it out like your boss told you to. Why? Because you took the job therefore entering a verbal contract saying you would work. So work.

meaning of "Relegates" are almost similar to "Delegates". See dictionary

Your management would have more skills and experience than you and definitely appointed your boss on the basis of something which you still could not discover. So never by pass your boss and go to the boss of your boss. You need to concentrate on your responsibilities. What top management do, its their headache.

Like I said, it is simply an observation I've made. You don't have to agree with it. But Martha (the post above yours) proves my point. Yes, bosses will sometimes favor some people and, yes, not everything is always going to be fair. The point is that you deal with it. The problem has been brought to the attention of the people in charge. If they don't want to do anything about it, too bad. Life isn't fair. Getting caught up in who gets treated better or worse will do nothing but make you stand out as a whiner. That is probably why Martha feels she is treated so poorly. Bosses and coworkers don't like whiners. Do your job to the best of your ability and someone will eventually take notice. If they don't, find another job.

and your point?

It is too bad you quit before you had another job lined up. It sounds like you have a lot of years left before you retire. I recommend next time you try to get another job before leaving the one you have. It is easier to find work if you are already working. You were in a bad position, but like your husband said you need to put it behind you. If you can't find work, start volunteering. The experience you get usually qualifies as work on your resume. It is vital that you keep current in your field. Keep up your memberships in professional organizations, keep networking. Make getting another job your job. Do it at least 30 hours a week. There will always be bad bosses out there, I got some tapes and lessons on dealing with difficult people. It helped me a lot.

Tom, do you really expect to be taken seriously without the proper use of grammar, punctuation or capitalization?

I work as an auto repair technicain and face a different dinamic with my boss/buisness owner. As a recent college grad I went seeking for a job that I could get experience in and found the one I am currently in. My current employer has recently opened his shop and is still trying to break even and get ahead. I agreed to work for him for 40% less then my expereince and education level merited just so that his buiness could get going and i could make alot more money hopefully in the near future. However my employer beahves in such a way that makes my self and the only other guy working at the shop want to quit. He in NEVER in a good mood when he come into work in the morning, which isnt too big of a deal unless someone makes a mistake, or in his mind takes too long on a project. In turn he talks to us like we are stupid. Once we have made a mistake he takes it personllay and holds a grudge for days. because the shop isnt fully organized we often finish a project and dont know where or what to start on next, so we ask. When we ask he either ignores us for a few moments before coming up with something, or he burst out with a "hold on for for a sec will ya!". it s not like we want to
bother him to no end but he doesnt even acknowledge that we asked him something. He has tried to create some sort of system to manage the work but it is not consistent and so sometimes when we attempt to proceed to the next project he has something else he wants us to do (that he hasnt told us about). And instead of politely telling us he has something else for us to do he jerks the repair sheet out of our hands in a rude manner and give us keys to something and tells us to pull it in, without even knowing what vehicle it is or what needs to be donewith it. So we either risk "annoying the heck: out of our boss by asking clarifying questions or just try each vehicle until we figure out which one it belongs to. then we get to pull it in and wait for him to tell us what needs to be done to it. There is supposed to always be a repair sheet explaining the problem to diagnose or the parts to install on each vehicle which if he hasnt given us already "we annoy him" by asking politely only one time to which he replies with his ever so famous and angry toned "hold on a sec will ya!". I could go on and on about all of the things he does to make the work place a miserable environment. I am thinking about finding emplyment somewhere else and telling my boss that " if he has a problem then tough s*@!" (just as he has stated to me before). What are your thoughts?

As a HR professional, I must say that I am intrigued by all that is being said about bosses, supervisors, managers, etc. I will agree that there are many individuals who are not cutout for the roles sometimes given to them in organizations. What is intriguing is that very few people posting comments accepts any responsibility for their own actions or lack thereof. Where is the initiative? Where is the desire if not being guided to seek the answers to your questions elsewhere? What could you have done differently to improve the situation? I believe that each person has an obligation to their employer. When you arrive at work, guess what, you're being paid to work. My boss didn't train me, I was tired of messing around on the internet, blah, blah, blah. Before you become a valuable commodity at any place of business, you really need to do a litte self-analysis. Nobody's leading, well how about you do some thinking for yourself. Find out what you need to know and "do" what you're being paid to "do.

I have one mgr and two assist. mgrs. I am a host and one of the assist. mgrs. disrespects me on any occasion he can. Example: he comes out with the seating chart. I and several waitresses are standing there. He starts to tell one of the waitresses the seating chart. I said, "so I guess you won't be needing me tonight," he said he was going to come over to the podium and show me. What?????? Today I was helping clean tables and grabbed a dish off the bar-his barb for the day-don't clean the bar, what????

Tom, you've over six companies and you can't find the shift key or period key on a keyboard? Let me guess - half of the companies you ran were Lehman Brothers, AIG and Bears Stears?

I work both in the Military and in the Civilian area as a Field Service Specialist. I know about bad and good managers, I have had both. It has been about equal from the Military to Civilian aspect. The last manager I had for a major medical equipment manufacturer was receiving extreme pressure from the sales department to release me from employment.
I was required to be on military service for training and then my preapproved vacation began after that training. When I contacted my Zone Manager about this issue, he seemed to be complacent with everything, however, when he did not recieve what he" deemed sufficient paperwork notification", he contacted me by phone ( so there was no "paper trail") and asked me in a rather belligerent voice what was more important. Either the company I worked for or the Military!
I did not respond at that time as I was rather angry and did not want to either draw attention to a model employee, or state a remark that would later come back to haunt me.
Within one week, I recieved my termination paperwork, stating that I had violated company policy, which resulted in immediate termination after a review by a panel of fellow upper management. When I tried to discuss and fight this issue,with the company HR Manager, she told me that there was really no avenue of mitigation.
I recieved no notification of this "violation of company policy" previous to this. When this was discussed with other Service Veterans, they were exteremely shocked, as I was, and they have since begun to watch what they do and say to this same manager. I later found out through the gprapevine, that I was not the only one to "violate" this policy due to the ambigious writing, however, I did find a few things out. First the policy was "suddenly clarified" after my termination, and as I was the only Service Engineer selected out for this punishment, I have learned about other Engineer's rumor-mongering about me, for requesting the exact same assistance that I did, and there were other Engineers who had less experience than I did, discussing how I was "banned" from sites in the same city he lived in.
This is my standpoint, my employment was terminated due to my Military service, however I have no proof of this. That is why this manager found another way to "dismiss me".
Bottom line is this, document everything that is said between your manager and your lower employee's, it may save you. Trust me this is a valuable lesson learned.
Thanks for letting me vent, by the way.

Yes, this happens in almost every business and in almost every workplace. Obviously the boss female/male has an affair with her/his employee, I see no other reason for this disgusting behaviour in the office. It's a disgrace that causes upset and anger among the other employees who are not involved in affairs with their boss(es). That's why it's very important to take action immediately, approach your colleagues and set up a meeting to confront the situation with the Owner/Director of your company to let her/him know what is really going on to stop this ridiculous behaviour at once !!!! I wish you good luck !!!!

it's ok to cancel

Way to go Janis. You did good. Enough people are not given credit for doing the right thing.

I love everything you said, I work in a small office but, I know the dynamics of the office job. I learned to handle my boss, and coworkers with a long handle spoon, I started doing this when I noticed, that my boss is a drama queen in men clothing, and one day said to me "You tell people your business". I had shared some personal business with 2 coworkers, wrong thing to do, I will never, ever do that again. Best lesson I ever had. I speak and am nice and polite, but my business is my own, that you for these refreshing words. Barb

HA HA, not true at all. Maybe where you work, it's women but the reverse can also happe. Men can be just as dramtic, conniving and whiny.

You can go over his/her head. Tread lightly though, I would go directly to an HR rep and speak openly and honestly about the situation. when you do this, keep it to yourself as I am sure you do not wish to have everyone else thinking you are a rat. Bottom line: the boss isn't doing his/her job and isn't helping anyone attain the Company's goal.... how can s/he expect anyone else to do the same?

Ben,
Yes, that's sexist. The bigest gossip in our place? A man. Sweeping generalizations only irritate and take away from the point you're trying to make.

I am currently working for a company where it seems that the boss has made it a life long goal to make me feel inferior to the rest of the employees. On several occasions it has been made clear that the boss is partial to a certain employee. The life this employee has chosen to live has proven to be a ticket for a free ride on the "pitty train" (the more drama the better). This certain employee arrives to work late every day, takes lunch breaks that well exceed the regular 1 hour lunch break. Most of the work time is spent surfing the net, playing computer games and on personal phone calls (95% of the calls coming in are personal )

The office has officially become a place to hangout for family, friends and has even become a daycare, without any consideration to others in the office. All this has been brought to the owner's attention, but this disruptive situation has yet to be addressed. This is not a professional way to run a business, and one's personal life should be kept personal.

Be fair to the people you supervise. It's the bosses job to let employees know what they need to accomplish, what resources they have and the deadline, then to ask for and consider feedback (to make sure you have all the information) AND THEN MAKE THE D*MN DECISION.
There are some truly horrible supervisors out there. When the company I worked for was sold, I got a new supervisor who never responded to emails and screened all his calls and never responded to voice mail messages.The only communication I had from him was him calling me and screaming and threatening my job because I hadn't done something he hadn't bothered to tell me about.
The final straw was him calling me and screaming at me that I was a total idiot because my latest weekly subscriber report did not include the 3,000 customers we lost when Hurricane Floyd totally destroyed over 5,000 homes in our service area. He said that he wasn't going to show a 3,000 customer loss the third month he was in charge. Even though a huge natural disaster that had received extensive media coverage was responsible.
I was not going to do anything unethical or illegal, so I resigned. He and his boss were caught about a year later, convicted of falsifying business records and sent to prison.

No matter what the textbooks or college professors tell you, managers are born and not made. Too many times people are at the peak of their career and the only place for them to go is into management. Some make it, most dont because they lack the gift of handling the "gray" issues that happen when dealing with people. Dont get me wrong, bright people who can create/solve enormous issues are great at doing their job but when it comes to dealing with people, most are socially inept.

I supervised, and trained many employees, and was respected by most, but if I were a manager, and I had these so called back stabbers running to me about other employees, when people where to be downsized, the back stabbers would be the first to go, because is they where going to backstab there co-workers, next thing you know they would be backstabing me.

I have been boss of 240 personnel. Being boss means being boss. Don't be rude, don't be demanding, dont threaten, but do be the boss. If I was going to Paris, I would know what the demands of the trip were. I would also know what the demands of the client in the US were and would appoint personnel to each task I felt would be best in the respective situation. That is the boss's job. Shirking responsibility for theis decision is not only stupid, it undermines the heirarchy and then, you as boss, have lost your credibility. Dumb decision. If you can't make these decisions, then you need to be replaced by someone who can.

I curiously watched about ten minutes of that show once and to be quite frank, Rachel Zoe is a bit full of herself and lacks personality. In a nutshell, I wouldn't recommend that crappy show to anyone. B-O-R-I-N-G.

Desde luego, puede comunicarse conmigo via email.

This is going to sound sexist, but has anyone else noticed that most (if not all) of the drama in the workplace comes from women? In my experience, men focus on their job and ignore the "politics," while women focus on gossip and tend to point fingers when problems arise. This is obviously not always the case. The difference is that men typically don't bicker and spread rumors. They either ignore the other person, talk to the boss or start a fight (sometimes physically). None of those things are good, but at least the problem typically is solved with a minimal amount of company time wasted. Women dwell on things, spread hateful rumors and whine. And did I mention gossip??? Some women don't get any work done because they're too busy trying to find dirt on their coworkers. Either that or they spend all of their time blaming everybody else for their lack of production. My point is that most of the drama in the workplace comes from women. I'm not a sexist person - that is just an observation. Look at all of the comments on this article. Most are women whining about their coworkers.

Tom

That is the longest run on sentence I have ever TRIED to read. Had to stop and catch my breath several times.

I found the article rather boring compared to my daily occurrences. Here's a situation where the boss was neither acting like a boss or adult. This stuff happens all the time at that place:

Co-worker and boss were talking about the past two weeks while boss was gone. The fact that none of us could find the memory stick for the digital camera came up. None of us thought it much an issue, for we just used a floppy disk and problem resolved, no one thought it was a crisis last week by not locating the memory stick. We couldn’t have been further from the truth. Boss goes to his printer, and pulls out the stick, and lost it on both me and co-worker. "This is the f**king shit that ..." I can’t remember most of it because it was too intense with a ton of yelling and swearing. It was all over the fact that no one called him while he was on vacation to locate a stupid memory card that we could deal without. I cut him off, ready to walk out. I was forced to yell back stating, “I will NOT accept being treated this way, lets try to act like adults here!” He then calmed down a bit, admitting that he was angry and upset that he didn't want us to go through any grief because of his stupid mistake. I said the yelling gives me grief. He was careful to semi-successfully catch himself in not using further profanity within the duration of the conversation, apparently feeling bad for loosing his temper.

Boss continued with more discussion about another co-worker is “not in control of the business.” Boss whines, "override her you guys, do what I want, not what she believes." Boss said he would, first thing when other co-worker comes in, yell at co-worker to "get it through her head." I countered, “sometimes yelling at someone doesn't effectively get the point across...” Boss then was overly nice and happy and apologetic for not wanting to hurt my feelings or make me feel bad. He does not even get it. As a positive, however, he was nice when other co-worker came in and asked what she wants with vacations, and how he feels, illustrating the difference and it is not a problem to call. The situation still got me so upset I couldn’t calm down. This sort of crap happens too much. At lunch, first co-worker thought my screaming was “awesome.” He looked like a bird who had eaten a canary.

You quit an entry-level position after 4 months and this destroyed your entire career for life? You're nuts. Your comment reeks of insincere whining "It wasn't me, it was him!". Get past yourself.

Heather, I feel for you. I felt I was in the exact same position as you were. My manager was against me from the beginning. I lost my job in March of 2008 and I havent worked since!

Priscilla I appreciate your comment that "you're hired to do a job not be the bosses & co-workers best friend, etc." I am a manager. I'm a manager by education, upbringing/training and profession. The reflective of life's management being mirrored in corporate management is 100% true. We do not nor can we separate the two. Whatever manifests itself in the workplace is strongly exercised in each person's personal life. It behooves boss, manager, employee and applicant to perform introspection and realize we are all managers. First we must manage our lives. We must manage our relationships with family, friends, and society. Then if blessed to be employed, we must manage our involvement and viable contribution to the corporation. If you're waiting on the title of manager to become a manager in the workplace - you'll never get there. A real manager is already managing things and not to be seen and applauded but because its necessary, prudent and right. It's quite easy to blameshift and speak to the weakness of a leader who has been placed over us. Highlighting the obvious takes little effort - what's the solution? That's what manager's think of consistently - where is the solution to this problem? How can we best maximize the gifts, talents, productivity, financial gain, etc. Your strengths as an employee (whatever the title) can be what catapults you to the management level if you manage your current position well. The best measure of future success is your present performance. Don't tell me you're a great manager and nothing around you is managed well. You're waiting on the title to do the work - I think NOT! That level of discovery is not good for any corporation because your passion is not the production but the prize/purse. Something other than money has to drive real "managers" because we realize it's the intangibles that satisfy and breed success. Money is a given by-product for "real managers" because the work will produce substantial gains and returns. Confrontation will come on every level. Challenges will occur on every level. Disagreements and differences will arise daily. Each of us must manage them. They happen internally with ourselves, with our families, with our community and neighbors and with employees and employers. So like it or not, we are all managers and we'd better embrace it in order to be better people. Thanks for letting me share my perspective. Be intentional!

I sympathize with your situation. I found myself in similar circumstances. Don't kick yourself for not hanging in there. You did the best you could with a bad situation.

I empathize with Heather. I've had good bosses and bad bosses, and I know how the latter can mess with your life. She should take some assurance, however, from the fact that anyone worth working for has probably experienced or witnessed a similar situation.

Heather, don't blather on about what happened, but don't be shy about saying you had a bad experience, and that you learned from it. Someone who's "been there" (and there are a lot of us) will understand and value your insight.

You know, I totally understand where you are coming from. I was hired actually as a manager for a very large company. (most of America have come to "hate" this company due to the large bonus' paid to their upper management after getting gov bailout funds--I am sure you know who they are) due to a reorganization, I was moved to another manager. He systematically harassed me, compromised my work product, unreasonable requests...such as calling an urgent meeting at 4 am to determine if our offices were going to close due to weather issues...when I logged into the meeting, he lied to HR and told them I was insubordinate because I wasn't on line! my peers even wrote to HR and confirmed my attendance, many more issues I cannot write about--. bottom line, he hated me. I ended up trying to fight back w/in the corporate structure by going to HR. They investigated it but found that it was just personality issues and I was ordered to take HR classes in dealing with conflict...nothing for him. after about 6 months, I ended up clinically depressed, on medication, and down right beaten emotionally. I went on leave and then subsequently resigned. A few months later, I secured another position and low and behold, that old manager tried to destroy that position by telling my current employer these lies about me. In the end, I was victorious and was able to keep my position with the new company and he was terminated from the old company after I left. the scares are deep though. I did my job very well and tried to be honest and fair but the system failed me. I would encourage you to focus only your assets and Heather, don't give up. don't let them win! you can be successful and it doesn't need to be a career ender but maybe simply another beginning. My boss had it in for me from the beginning as well, but in the end, I am still standing better than ever!

Don't. Speaking from experience, bosses stick together even if one of them is a complete moran!!

Ironic, isnt' it. People spend 4+ years of college learning the beginnings of a profession. They may spend a few years working as junior people while they move up, but, in reality, some people get promoted (at any time) to a "manager", but many of them don't have one lick of an idea what being a manager is all about.

When I ran a group at a smll engineering company, I told all my staff that as far as I was concerned, I didn't report to upper level management, I reported to them. It was my roll to facilitate them being the most productive that they could be with the fewest roadblocks. Sure, upper level mgmt (I was at the Director/VP level) set the direction for the entire company - with my input), and so in that was I reported up, but I always knew that I would be most effective by helping out those underneath me.

If more managers acted this way, overall, workplaces would be a lot better off. Instead, we get people clawing their way to climb past people on the corporate ladder. I didn't ask for the position of Director, I was given it because I was clearly the only one with both the engineering and people skills that could run the projects.

I ended up leaving that job - I got laid off - because the President thought I was "plotting against him" - as it turns out he ended up being both delusional and paranoid, but, even with that, I can say that while it lasted, that was probably the best job I ever had.

I'm not even sure what the main points of this article entail. I was too overwhelmed by the terrible writing by a "professional" journalist.

TOM-----Have you EVER heard of grammar, punctuation, spelling, and proofreading? You completely disqualified yourself and your remarks and opinions with your complete lack of written communciation skills. Please work on that!