Co-workers

Cube Monkeys!

September 13th, 2007
By CareerBuilder blogger in Co-workers
Leave a comment

From the editors of CareerBuilder.com and Second City Communications comes Cube Monkeys!

Coming to bookstores nationwide on September 18th is a new book by CareerBuilder.com and Second City Communications titled, "Cube Monkeys: a handbook for surviving the office jungle."

Filled with hilarious irreverent humor, Cube Monkeys is the "must have" resource for anyone who "must have" taken a wrong turn in their career. From nightmare bosses and co-workers to cube etiquette and meeting mishaps, Cube Monkeys helps workers tackle the challenges faces on the job every day… and brings some comic relief to the workplace.

See the Book in Action! CareerBuilder and Second City launched two videos on YouTube, highlighting lessons
from the book:

Impress the Big
Dogs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJucTMlc-ks

Boss to English
Dictionary
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnQRqQP4a6o

Here are some excerpts from the book:

Quiz: Are you the Office Party Animal?

1. Your cubicle…

a. Is always neat and tidy.

b. Has a certain homey charm.

c. Has been moved to the strip club down the street.

2. You prepare for the annual office Christmas party…

a. A few days in advance.

b. A few weeks in advance.

c. In June.

3. How do you take your coffee?

a. With just a hint of cream.

b. With a few packets of sugar.

c. With gin.

4. Your fellow employees enjoy carpooling with
you because…

a. You always pay for gas.

b. You make friendly chitchat.

c. It invariably results in a spontaneous road trip to Tijuana.

5. You greet new clients…

a. With polite professionalism.

b. As a future friend and colleague.

c. By handing them a business card that reads:
"Sleeping through my job since 1995."

6. Your 401(k)…

a. Is your retirement fund.

b. Is being saved for your kids’ education.

c. Has already been used for keg money.

7. Lunchtime is the right time for…

a. Getting extra work done.

b. Returning all of your unanswered e-mail.

c. Doing beer bongs in the bathroom.

8. Your weekend begins…

a. Saturday morning.

b. Friday at 5 P.M.

c. Sunday at midnight.

The Boss Says: "Great job on the report!"
Translation: "I’m taking credit for your work."

The Boss Says: "I have to attend an off- site meeting."
Translation: "I’m having an affair."

The Boss Says: "Let me give you some broadstroke ideas and you can fill in the rest."
Translation: "I still haven’t learned how to create an Excel document."

The Boss Says: "Headquarters has assured me we will not be affected by the merger."
Translation: "You are going to be fired."

The Boss Says: "I’m not sure if what you are suggesting is in alignment with our core competencies."
Translation: "What exactly do we do again?"

The Boss Says: "This office is a family and my door is always open if you ever need to powwow with Papa Bear."
Translation: "I am a tool."

The Boss Says: "I’ll be out of the offi ce for a couple hours with senior management, but you can reach me on my mobile."
Translation: "I’m playing golf."

The Boss Says: "I’ll be off- site and unreachable for the rest of the afternoon."
Translation: "I’m playing golf and I expect to be very, very drunk."

The Boss Says: "I think we should order in some lunch for the team."
Translation: "None of you are getting a raise. Enjoy your pizza."

The Boss Says: "I don’t want to have to micromanage this whole operation!"
Translation: "I’m the boss because I made good business contacts at my Ivy League university; I don’t know how to actually do things."

The Boss Says: "This came down from up top."
Translation: "I have no real power."

The Boss Says: "I can’t give you an answer at this moment. Let me survey the situation and see what we can leverage out of it."
Translation: "Oh God, I wish I was still in sales!"

No related posts.